Summertime - Comments

  • Mr. Darcy

    Mr. Darcy (16090)

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    Hey, here as a judge for the Mag contest!

    I really sound repetitive but I love how you started this. The paragraph of generalisation about what makes summer really sets the mood and is so accurate that it takes you to summer, really immersing you in the piece. Then you go on to relating it with Sasha and Aidan. Then through the entire piece summer and everything she sees relates back to Aidan, fully emphasising not only how much he means to her, but also how strong his presence is in summer. Almost as if it can't be summer without Aidan, and I really like how strong that comes across.

    Having them be in a long distance relationship that's because they're away studying at different places seemed to make her love jump out tenfold, as if any moment they spent together outside of summer would pale in comparison to what's to come when she gets to him. "Summer was full of love" and "the summer was Aidan" were just two lines I loved from this piece. You get overwhelmed with summer and, by default, with love because this summer that's being written about is Aidan, and Aidan is symbolised with her love.

    I couldn't spot any errors other than what losing control mentioned below that hasn't been edited yet.

    Despite being short, this piece gave me such a feeling of summer and love that it made me wish I was a fan of summer. I want what Sasha has because it just sounds beautiful. I definitely loved reading this. Thank you for that.

    Sorry for taking so long with my comment!
    July 19th, 2016 at 06:53am
  • nearly witches.

    nearly witches. (15250)

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    I'm here commenting as a judge for the Magazine contest! Cute

    Layout / Summary

    Your layout has these lovely colours throughout -- it's almost like a summer sunset, and I love that! The only suggestion I have is that the background image doesn't fit in entirely, as the colours are too different. Your summary is very simple and short, but it does the job really well, so nice work on that.

    Content

    Despite the fact that this entry is very short, I still think you do a wonderful job at painting a wonderful picture of summer! Like losing control. said, I think the strongest point of this entry is that you've got the generalisations of summer -- and there are quite a few of those that I can personally relate to as well, which pulled me a little further into the story -- and then you push it down to a more personal level for the characters, which really lets us get to know them in such a small period of time. I'm also a huge fan of the personification of summer literally being Aiden. It shows the dedication and strength of the relationship, and it adds this aspect of excitement into everything that you can read through the words -- as a reader, I can definitely understand how happy Sasha is to be seeing Aiden again after all this time. It just adds this finish to the scene that just makes everything... I guess perfect, somehow.

    Concrit

    I didn't pick up on anything!

    Overall

    Reading this left me with a warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach! I really liked the way you brought across the relationship and paired it with the summery theme, because it just made everything seem rounded-off. Lovely job!
    July 15th, 2016 at 10:31pm
  • losing control.

    losing control. (4250)

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    I'm here as a judge for the Mibba Magazine contest Cute

    I thought you captured the happiness (and obvious the summer) part of the contest super well! Summer romance is always a good time to read about and I liked that you included that the couple is long distance because of college. I felt like that little detail really brought together why the summer made them so happy, specifically.

    I liked that you started off the story talking about the more general things that people like about summer and then moved into more specific reasons why Sasha and Aiden liked it/how summer related to their relationship. It made the transition between the two feel really natural and flow really well. The descriptions at the beginnig were lovely as well, it made me feel happy reading about all the summery things.

    The only mistake I found was here:
    She turned onto her street, the sun a blazing orange as it made it’s decent.
    decent should be descent.

    Great job!
    July 9th, 2016 at 04:20am