The layout is pretty, but I felt like the summary left something to be desired. It's so vague that I'm not really drawn in by it. I don't know if Eden is a real person and the title is just a play on words. I have no idea what it's about at all. I liked the simplicity of it, but the fact that it's for a contest caught my attention more than the actual summary.
The first chapter gives more clarity to the fact that we're actually talking about a person, which is nice. It does a good job of portraying the "air of mystery" that it talks about.
"Other's" should be "others" without an apostrophe (unless there's actually a single person named "Other"). The apostrophe shows possession, not plurals.
I did think that the first chapter was a little repetitive, simply because you said that she puts on an "air of mystery" and described it again as a "smokescreen", then said "it was all part of the mystery". Really the only thing we get out of the chapter is that she's a mystery and you say it four times. (1. She puts up an air of mystery, 2. Like a smokescreen, 3. It's all part of the mystery, 4. No one really knows her). This just made me ask "What do we know about her?"
In chapter two, I loved the "close, closer, closest" line. It's great imagery and explanation. I honestly really liked chapter two and it makes me want to read on so much more than the first. We know something about her, we get a little bit of life from her, we see that she's a little messed up, and has some parental issues that result in sex issues. There's so much to speculate about in the second chapter that wasn't in the first.
The first chapter gives more clarity to the fact that we're actually talking about a person, which is nice. It does a good job of portraying the "air of mystery" that it talks about.
"Other's" should be "others" without an apostrophe (unless there's actually a single person named "Other"). The apostrophe shows possession, not plurals.
I did think that the first chapter was a little repetitive, simply because you said that she puts on an "air of mystery" and described it again as a "smokescreen", then said "it was all part of the mystery". Really the only thing we get out of the chapter is that she's a mystery and you say it four times.
(1. She puts up an air of mystery, 2. Like a smokescreen, 3. It's all part of the mystery, 4. No one really knows her). This just made me ask "What do we know about her?"
In chapter two, I loved the "close, closer, closest" line. It's great imagery and explanation. I honestly really liked chapter two and it makes me want to read on so much more than the first. We know something about her, we get a little bit of life from her, we see that she's a little messed up, and has some parental issues that result in sex issues. There's so much to speculate about in the second chapter that wasn't in the first.
Really liked two. :)