July 7th, 2016 at 05:41am
I loved the first chapter. There was so much action but also a lot of emotion, and the descriptions were really nicely done.
How you described Khari, the monster, and the setting, really helped to fill in the mood for me and helped me to imagine what this showdown looked like. The fact that Khari first describes the demon as her demon drew me into the story even more. I thought it was interesting that this monster had been following her around for so long and it made me wonder Why her? By the end of the first chapter, when the demon seeped into her wounds, I wondered if maybe it was more of a metaphorical demon (or a metaphorical demon come to life), and just being curious about that compelled me to read the next chapter.
By the second chapter I thought, I was right! - that Khari's demon wasn't a physical one - but after reading the description of her injuries, I'm still suspicious. I can definitely see Khari self-harming by cutting her wrist, face, and neck, but how would she cut her own back? And how could her practically coming back from the dead be explained?
Overall, I think this is a very interesting story and a great start. If you were going to do a full version, I'd definitely subscribe and keep up.
As far as 'critique' goes, the only thing I would suggest is having this beta'd/edited. There's a few typos/missing words that could be easily fixed if you had a second pair of eyes, but they mess with the flow while reading.
thank you for the feedback! im still trying to figure out my writing flow since this is my first story. I will definitely have a friend or two read over it to help me deal with grammatical errors. I think im going to extend writing each chapter to two days just to make it longer. Feel free to send me anymore feedback!