Ichor and Ambrosia - Comments

Note: I've done a few reviews on Scribophile but it's been awhile since I've written something in-depth on Mibba. However, since I thought (correct me if I'm wrong) I saw you post something about potentially self-publishing, I'm going to treat this like a Scribophile review.

Layout: It's very pretty, since it's nice and minimalist and easy to read.

Summary: The first part resembles something you'd find on the back of a hardback novel; that'd make second is analogous to the inner flap. I have a feeling you did that on purpose. The only thing I'd tell you to look at with regards to the summary is watch out for some potential tense issues, especially in this sentence: Life on Sifnos was small, peaceful, and unexciting, until Acacius is accused of a crime he didn't commit and he is exiled from his homeland. Of course it's okay to switch tenses, but that could be rephrased because it tripped me up a bit. Other than that, it's a good length and is does what a summary is supposed to do: give the audience an expectation of what to expect.

Prologue: I'm going to be honest: I'm usually wary of prologues. So many fantasy writers add them because they prologues are a staple of the genre and they're breaking a rule or something if they don't write a prologue.

They were rich by no means, but Heron's faithful service in battle had earned him two slaves; one man and one woman.

First, replace that semicolon with either a comma or a colon.

I like your imagery here. The style takes some getting used to, but that's not a bad thing by any means. The number thing I'd warn you to look out for is the line--and it can be a pretty thin line--between comprehensive description and purple prose. You're fine here, but with the sort of mythological style you're going for, watch out for wordiness in the future.

Rain pattered down on the stone hut, with a small cast of crows who...

I really do enjoy the descriptive words you use. I'm less than 500 words in and I can already tell that imagery is one of your strong points.

Chapter 1, Part 1:
The first paragraph is pretty strong. The descriptions are vivid and comprehensive without being too much. Watch your semicolon use, though. Heron carried a shield as well; a solid wood aegis with a façade of stretched sheepskin painted long ago by a local artist with the likeness of Athena. . Again, regular colon or comma. Colons aren't the devil.

Acacius did all this while Heron told epic tales of his missions in the mountains and hills...

I would rephrase this as something along the lines of, While Acacius cleaned, Heron would tell epic tales of his missions in the mountains and hills... The original reads a bit awkwardly.

In any instance in the presence of his master...

That's the wordiness I warned you about. It's a good sentence, though. You've got an interesting dynamic between Acacius and Heron. It's like we've got a father/son relationship on Heron's end (at least while he's telling the stories), but Acacius knows better. It's an interesting duality.

Myrrhine would lean on the wooden stalls and ask the sailor-merchants about their trade routes, and sights they had seen.

Like your use of imagery, I can already tell that your characterizations are coming together nicely, and you really don't infodump on the setting or character traits, which is nice.

Tiny thing: “Oh, yes,.” Heron smiled at her. I'm not going to correct that every time I see it because I know that it's more than likely a type-o, but just watch out for the comma/period context in dialog when you edit.

Chapter 1, Part 2:
So fat, the chapter is serving as a good introduction to the characters, plot, and how everything is going to connect. The atmosphere you build is accurate to that Homer-esque ambiance that you seem to be going for. More Odyssey than Iliad, though. Thankfully.

She took leave from fieldwork, and he took leave from soldiering...

Damn, man, Acacius is like Greek Cinderella over here. Poor kid.

“Drink, my love,” he would whisper to her with, as he gave her a decorative...

The little part after that it telling, though, because it still reminds us that Hey, Acacius is still a child here.

He had a long, scraggly beard the color of snow, and his eyes sagged so much that Acacius was surprised he could see what he was doing. Your character descriptions are on point.

Man, I'm interested in who the robed man is and what's up with the baby.

Check your semicolons in this chapter because some of them could be replaced with colons or commas.

... lay there wondering just who the robed man may have been.
Me, too, Acacius.

A day after February gave in to March, Myrrhine and Heron buried their unborn child with the seed of an olive tree in order to give him wisdom in the afterlife.

Oh. Also--again--the words you use here are great.

Chapter 1, Part 3:
Fantastic worldbuilding. The imagery and descriptions are also fantastic, especially of the geography of the island and the mystery woman. You also learn a little about Acacius' personality here.

Acacius was so surprised to see someone that he sat dumbstruck in his tree. This--like everything else--is just a suggestion, but I'd recommend putting this sentence around when he first spots the woman.

The woman stood there a long while, staring out at the endless sea, and Acacius wondered what she could have been looking at.

He bit his tongue and cringed as if a sudden pain had struck him.

The way you write about the interactions between different/new characters is fluid and natural. Acacius' reactions make a lot of sense, given his history.

She had a small, pointed chin, high cheekbones but full cheeks; her topaz eyes were cushioned by thick tufts of dark eyelashes. Light freckles ... Good descriptions! I can tell that you really see these things in your mind.

The ending: mysterious.

Overall, I'm liking it so far. I'll be back later for chapter 2, but I've got to get some homework done now. Great job!

So I've read through all parts of chapter one and will start what you have posted of chapter two tomorrow but I wanted to post this tonight while it's fresh in my mind.

This is really an amazing story. (I feel like I've been saying that a lot on here lately, but anyway that doesn't make it less true.) I really love the way your narrative flows as if I'm reading some modern translation of Homer. It really does read like an Epic. Your ability to capture the essence of the Greek myth while spinning a story all your own is definitely something that I'm in awe of. I absolutely loved reading The Odyssey and The Iliad and a whole host of other (translated) Hellenistic texts for a humanities class I took on ancient Greeks my sophomore year of college and reading this took me back to that.

I'm excited to see where this goes, and I'm amazed at your talent.

Okay, I'm going to echo PoeticMess by saying this is one of the best things I've seen on Mibba. I love mythology and stories set in ancient times, and you actually do a really amazing job with this. Also I'm a sucker for Greek myth in particular so I was excited to see this. Your word choices make it flow very nicely while also fitting with the time period you're writing in. A big pet peeve of mine is people making historical fiction too informal or not doing any kind of research beforehand, but you have this on point.

I love the simple layout and the simplistic way you write; but it's not so simplistic that it's boring. It's actually very easy to read, even while keeping that formal, old-school vibe. This feels well researched and well thought out so thank you for blessing Mibba with this lovely.

The tone of this is so interesting! It definitely reads like a myth that was written a long time ago! I was excited to see that it was based on Greek Mythology. I've always really liked it.

Anyway, the tone of this is so formal and aged-feeling that it really works to bring the reader into this strict, custom-goverened world. I haven't finished reading, so I keep waiting for it to break open. I see parts of it in the dialogue - it feels really natural and it really carries the story along, but I'm waiting for Acacius to really experience another side of the world.

I actually really like Heron and Myrrhine's relationship. It's subtle because of the times, but adorable. Especially the "drink, my love."

I'm going to keep reading and definitely subscribe!

This is quite an intriguing story.

The prologue definitely gives way to the epicness that is about to come. The first chapter in it's entirety is amazing. It clearly outlines the relationship, the setting, the backstory, of everything around Acacius. I particularly liked the scene with the nameless woman who tells him that he's going to do great things. A brilliant portrayal of foreshadowing.

Hereon and his storyline is also interesting, as well as Myrrhine's. You've got me wondering what happened there, and just what role they will have, if any, in the coming chapters. I almost feel like Hereon exaggerates what happens on his adventures, but that may just be me not reading the character correctly.

Overall your descriptions are amazing. This entire story is amazing.

I do hope you update soon.

This is one of the best stories I've read on Mibba!

I love history, and, specifically ancient history. I also love reading about warriors in the ancient world, as well as the ancients' mythologies. So naturally, this is right up my alley. This is a very unique topic to see written about on Mibba and I'm excited to see a story like this here.

Your descriptions are vivid and paint a very clear picture in the mind - this is probably my favorite part of your writing style. The flow of your writing is excellent as well (usually very easy to follow along). The only thing that interrupts this flow is the sometimes disordered/backwards style sentences. An example would be "In any instance in the presence of his master, Acacius never dared to speak." Since this sentence is fairly short, it's easy to comprehend; but with longer sentences, this backward writing can be confusing, causing the reader to have to reread the passage several times. The sentence should read, "Acacius never dared to speak, in any instance, in the presence of his master." Or something like that. It's just easier to understand.

Stories that come across as attempts at "written movies" bother me. In fiction, there are subtleties and nuances that can't be portrayed in film, or any other visual art, for that matter. Ichor and Ambrosia contains such nuances, giving it a personal feel that is relatable to the reader, despite the fact that most of us don't know what it'd be like to be a slave in ancient Greece. Which is one of the most important factors in writing, don't you think?

I also appreciated the fact that you didn't make it some tragic thing that Acacius is a slave. It was just a reality back then, and realistically, the slaves probably wouldn't have felt sorry for themselves like we'd like to think in modern day. Their mentality would've been completely different. It wouldn't have even crossed their mind that they'd have a right to freedom or something.

One last thing, though: your chapters should be longer. That's just my opinion. At the rate you are going, this comes off more like a short story than a chapter novel. I'm not sure if that's what you're going for, though. Go into more detail to elongate the chapters.