So I loved this. A lot. To a point where I'm just aching to read more about it. You bring out this incredible sense of imagery all from the beginning to the end.
From the summary, I got a sense that Sal will be this shy guy. But from how Dem described him in the beginning, I thought the opposite! But then he fell (which was adorable!) and my heart just stopped because he's clumsy and he probably did that bc he saw this beautiful girl and right there, I knew this was perfect. I knew I'd love it so much.
The beginning was fantastic because you included a scene with her dad and I thought that just polished up Dem’s character nicely. Plus, her dad hits home for me because I know I have dealt with a similar situation with my own dad. Also, Dem’s at an age where she's finding herself and you showed me how seamlessly. I liked that you really stayed true to your main character’s tone. With that, I love the way Demetria is confident, that she kinda teases him. I relate to this on a level because she's shy, at first, but then there's a spark of confidence in her. And that right there was just amazing. I felt some connection to Dem. The vibe you created was amazing because it was truly balanced.
I have so many favorite lines because your work is beautiful. If I had to pick, it'd be, “The words were foreign to her ears but the way they rolled off his tongue had her wanting in a way she'd never experienced.” This line right here is so beautiful and full of grace, you had me in awe. It's perfect and amazing for this contest. And I just love it so much.
I had no problem imagining the atmosphere and how Sal looked so that was really nice. And when he spoke Italian, I could somehow hear him say it SO I AM AMAZED ONCE AGAIN BY YOUR WRITING I especially liked how well you took this nice spin on the contest. You didn't just flat out say, “hey I'm crushing,” but you twisted along with the feeling and painted a lovely piece around the sensation. Your entry was so great, it felt like I was Demetria because of how well you created her tone for this story.
Can I just say that the ending is so damn mysterious, that I'm really craving for more. His dad says that they are no longer in NY anymore, as if Sal has done this (how he acted w/ Dem) before and so I'm so interested in his alluring character. Overall, I really enjoyed your entry and hope you update another chapter of this greatness. And your layout is stunning so I also liked that a lot Well done!
From the summary, I got a sense that Sal will be this shy guy. But from how Dem described him in the beginning, I thought the opposite! But then he fell (which was adorable!) and my heart just stopped because he's clumsy and he probably did that bc he saw this beautiful girl and right there, I knew this was perfect. I knew I'd love it so much.
The beginning was fantastic because you included a scene with her dad and I thought that just polished up Dem’s character nicely. Plus, her dad hits home for me because I know I have dealt with a similar situation with my own dad. Also, Dem’s at an age where she's finding herself and you showed me how seamlessly. I liked that you really stayed true to your main character’s tone. With that, I love the way Demetria is confident, that she kinda teases him. I relate to this on a level
I have so many favorite lines because your work is beautiful. If I had to pick, it'd be, “The words were foreign to her ears but the way they rolled off his tongue had her wanting in a way she'd never experienced.” This line right here is so beautiful and full of grace, you had me in awe. It's perfect and amazing for this contest. And I just love it so much.
I had no problem imagining the atmosphere and how Sal looked so that was really nice. And when he spoke Italian, I could somehow hear him say it SO I AM AMAZED ONCE AGAIN BY YOUR WRITING
Can I just say that the ending is so damn mysterious, that I'm really craving for more. His dad says that they are no longer in NY anymore, as if Sal has done this (how he acted w/ Dem) before and so I'm so interested in his alluring character. Overall, I really enjoyed your entry and hope you update another chapter of this greatness. And your layout is stunning so I also liked that a lot