The Other Section - Comments

  • Nereid

    Nereid (930)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    Great Britain (UK)
    This is a lovely story. I should have guessed the time period before you said "colored" especially with all the little hints you left with the music, tv shows, dresses people wore. I enjoyed this a lot and you write so well. This is beautiful <3
    January 25th, 2017 at 12:28pm
  • wish on a firefly

    wish on a firefly (885)

    :
    NaNoWriMo 2017
    Gender:
    Age:
    33
    Location:
    United States
    Oh my goodness. I love this entire story! Just the fact that the two main characters were bound by books and didn't care about skin color or what others thought when they spoke. This is some really good writing here. You really put in a lot of emotions and left the girl in such mystery until the end. I love it. I like that he actually was curious about her love of books instead of her looks. Great job.
    November 20th, 2016 at 12:10am
  • aubs

    aubs (420)

    :
    Drabble Scribe
    Gender:
    Age:
    30
    Location:
    United States
    As I was reading this, I had a suspicion that this was set in the past, and I couldn't be happier. This was absolutely wonderful and I loved every single word. I swear, every story I've read about this subject and in this time period (which is only a few), I've loved it. You've really captured the emotions and reactions of the others perfectly.
    quote:
    Surely at the rate she read, she learned more in a day than he did in a week.
    I think this was one of my favorite sentences in this, and I don't even know why. It's such an innocent thought to think of someone. I think the fact that he doesn't judge her by her looks, and merely wonders how smart she is compared to others makes me like it so much.

    I don't think I can really put into words to tell you how much I loved this - it was captivating, adorable, and just straight up wonderful.
    August 20th, 2016 at 07:07am
  • Average Lifesaver;;

    Average Lifesaver;; (655)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    United States
    I was already invested in this before you hit me with the passage:

    He took in a deep breath, let it out, and then continued to walk under the sign that read “Colored”.

    That changed the entire tone of the story, which I know was your intention but you did a really good job of it.

    Your descriptions are really nice, too. I liked that the entire library could hear her flipping the pages, I liked the entire What she wore wasn't what intrigued him paragraph.

    In only this brief amount of text, you also did a nice job at establishing the characters. He has a timid and thoughtful personality - I like that he's kind of distracted by the speed she reads at, how he's more interested in her knowledge than his, but he's simultaneously invested in knowledge.

    And I liked her! Especially her line, "Sure thing. But you know people are staring.” She seems comfortable and she's friendly.

    I really enjoyed their interactions. So cute.

    There really aren't any flaws, but here's an attempt at some crit:

    "Colored[.]"
    -- Comma in the quotation

    The more she said, “Sir, that section isn’t for people like you[,]”
    -- Comma inside the quotation here

    Like I said, I like your descriptions. But in this one in particular: She wore different colored dresses, but yellow was what she wore most often. All of her dresses were in style. Her sleeves ended just above her elbow, the dresses hugged her waist, and then flowed out from there and ended below the knee. Her dresses

    The use of "dresses" is repetitive. I think it can be narrowed down a little more simply, too. Something like: "She wore a variety of different colors, but she wore yellow dresses the most often. They were always in style - the sleeves ended just above her elbow, the fabric hugged her waist and then flowed out from there and ended just below the knee."

    It's not a big deal, but sometimes reading aloud helps me catch words I repeat a lot or when I could shorten descriptions up.

    Those were really the only things I noticed that could be edited a bit!

    In all, this is so cute. You managed to make a really interesting, dynamic, and original story out of a saturated meet-cute like this and I commend you for it! I really enjoyed this!
    August 17th, 2016 at 04:30am