Warrior - Comments

@ exploding boy. @ little tea-pot;

Sorry, this reply is long overdue. Thank you so much for your wonderful critique's on my story. I've edited the typo's you both had mentioned, which hopefully makes the read easier. I've poured a lot of my heart and soul into this story, mainly because it involves some elements that I am familiar with myself.

I wanted to also thank you for making this piece a winning one, because without the contest this might have never gotten down on paper. Thank you so much.

Hello! I'm here to judge your story for the Magazine's Strong Women contest.

This story relates to me more than I can to admit.

I love the way the story flows as you show the readers the depth of her every thought. I can imagine how harsh the world was for her to change into someone who used to not be too afraid to the world to someone with an anxiety. Being betrayed by a friend was definitely not an experience anyone would one because once that trust is broken, it's not easy to mend it back.

I also love how even though she has her parents and her boyfriend to help her through the rough times, you also mention that they can't always be there to help. There are times that she still has to face her fears alone.

There are only two typos I notice while I read this. They are not that major and don't really disrupt the flow of the story. However, I just thought I should point them out:

Nothing is to wild for my brain to fathom.

to should be too.

Than my class turned violent.

Than should be then.

Aside from those two typos, I think you did an impeccable job with this piece! Good luck!

I'm here as a judge for the Magazine's Strong Women contest!

Layout / Summary

The layout is nice and simple, and the colours all gel together well. Your summary does exactly as it should -- it summarises everything well and allows the reader to know what they're getting themselves in for. It also has this pull effect -- it makes the reader want to know more about how Anna deals with her social anxiety.

Content

Instantly, I can connect with this character. I was always the target of the bullies when I was at school and for a very long time, I let it get to me and it got as far as me honestly believing I was worthless. When I read about your narrator, I just instantly got that link and it made the character all the more realistic for me. You've also done a very good job at portraying her character throughout, so that's definitely a bonus, as it allows the reader to get into her head well, and it adds more to your story.

What I like the most about this is how realistic the portrayal of the anxiety was. You don't have it simply disappear when the boyfriend is mentioned -- you have it go on and on, and you even discuss that yes, he helps, but he isn't always around and he most definitely isn't an instant cure for the illness. It's a portrayal of anxiety that I don't often see on here, especially when significant others are mentioned. In addition, the way that your sentences are structured -- short, choppy and almost messy, in a way -- really adds to the effect because it gives you that insight into how the narrator thinks, and it adds this chaotic sense to things that I often see in my friends that have anxiety. You've dealt with a difficult topic in a very sensitive way, and I applaud you for doing so.

Concrit

I only noticed one major error to point out:

- I’m surrounded by stranger -- 'stranger' should be 'strangers'

Overall

This was very well-written, and as I mentioned above, it's also written in a way that doesn't belittle social anxiety or the struggles that come along with it. You have this wonderful mix of the strength of the narrator and the fact that yes, the anxiety does still come back now and then and I think that's so important -- it's not something that just disappears and it's a really realistic portrayal. I really enjoyed reading this. Lovely job!