April 27th, 2017 at 07:14pm
Really intriguing and dark first chapter - I have a feeling I'm going to really like Nicholas. His banter has been great so far. The descriptions of the cathedral were very well done, I could picture it easily and it looks so cool in my head, haha. I like how this first chapter sets everything up very nicely for the next chapter, too.
Chapter two was also really interesting, but in different ways. We got to see a lot more of the character's personalities - Eva's animosity and Delilah's sadness. Nicholas showed up at one point - which was great - and added some more tension. I can't wait to see how the rest of the school reacts to Delilah. Overall a very well written chapter, with a keen insight into the characters.
I am really liking this so far - please update it soon!! I want to see more of Nicholas. And the other characters too, of course ^_^
That said having dialogue start in the middle of a paragraph that is otherwise all exposition makes it a little difficult to read, so it would be easier (for me) to read if you just broke the dialogue away from the descriptions of setting or character's actions.
Other than that I really like what you've got here. It's different from a lot of the other stuff on Mibba, and it reminds me of stuff I read when I was younger (#tbt to my vampire-obsessed phase), which I really like. I also like that your characters names aren't too crazy and are just normal people's names (Nicholas, Delilah, these are the names of real people), which often gets lost in the urban paranormal genre especially when done by amateur authors so I really like that you didn't go out of your way to intentionally make your characters different through naming them and instead show their individuality through characterizations and the tone/voice in their POV.