Excellent writing. Excellent 3rd person omniscient point of view. I bet you could rewrite it in Deep point of view just as effectively.
May 27th, 2017 at 04:11am
So far, I'm in love with this. The first paragraph really pulled me in. I thought your descriptions of the world from Finn's point of view were really nicely done - especially the way he perceives/describes time. I also really liked your descriptions in general - like how you described Natalie's look so simply, but you still created a pretty clear image of her and the type of person she might be.
Even though it's just one chapter in, I feel like I learned a lot about Finn and Natalie without being overwhelmed by too much details or feeling bored. I think you struck a perfect balance between sharing info about the present and revealing a litlte about the characters' past. Finn being so enamored with Natalie already is very cute, but I loved that you also hinted that Finn's been removed from society (human and mermaid) for a while so that might be why he's so attracted to her so quickly. I think that fact gives a lot more depth to his developing feelings.
Anyway, I'm ready to read more - subscribed and rec'd!
