Meet You in the Stars - Comments

  • foREVer_Mandy

    foREVer_Mandy (100)

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    I'm so sad to see this end, but that being said I loved every minute of it. You had me wanting to murder you a time or too, but that just goes to show how invested you had me in this story. I'm a sucker for a Jimmy story, but I love the way you write so much I like reading anything you write, so I'm in for whatever come next. I'm so glad I found you and your stories. <3

    And congrats on your first gig!!! I'm super stoked you had such an amazing time. They put on one hell of a show so knowing you finally got to experience that makes my heart so very happy for you. On to the next story now....
    June 21st, 2017 at 05:51pm
  • kdennis9

    kdennis9 (100)

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    Omg!!! Crazy update! Sorry it took me a minute! Fast thinking ofJimmy to have Matt call the police! Hopefully he's gone for good now! Can't wait for the last chapter!!
    June 8th, 2017 at 07:56pm
  • foREVer_Mandy

    foREVer_Mandy (100)

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    Would it be wrong of me to hope Trevor is finally gone for good? I mean it is self defense and there is no need for a man like that to live his life out in prison. Just let him rot in the earth. I'm so happy she finally found the strength in herself to stand up and face this monster. And I need more than just one more chapter. Maybe there's an epilogue coming too? Because I don't want it to end. At least not yet. <3
    June 4th, 2017 at 06:05am
  • kdennis9

    kdennis9 (100)

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    This was a great update! I love that she watched LOTR until work haha. My faveeeeee. I wonder if the flowers are really from Jimmy!!!! Cant wait to see what you have in store for us next <3
    May 25th, 2017 at 05:02am
  • joy1979

    joy1979 (100)

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    I love this story. Update soon please
    May 24th, 2017 at 08:05pm
  • foREVer_Mandy

    foREVer_Mandy (100)

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    I loved it! I'm all about reading and indulging in whatever you can give me. I think it's good for Avery to learn to be without Jimmy. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, and I think it's adorable how Jimmy sent her the roses. I can't wait to see what you have for us next, and take your time. I know I'll be here ready to read whenever you have something to share. Mad love as always. <3
    May 24th, 2017 at 06:08pm
  • unholy confessions;;

    unholy confessions;; (100)

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    @ fienix66613
    Thank you! :) I mean I appreciate advice from anyone but it's fanfiction it's not THAT serious haha. At the end of the day I write for fun, I'm not trying to be a pro.
    April 28th, 2017 at 06:22am
  • fienix66613

    fienix66613 (100)

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    This is such a good story and i don't want you to do any kind of revising or rewriting of any kind. From my experience this site is for people to write how they want and not how others want. You keep up the amazing work on this story because I'll continue to read until the very end
    April 28th, 2017 at 03:45am
  • jaxprog

    jaxprog (100)

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    Your story is series of scenes without any plot. There's no story goal. There's no internal goal for the main character. There's no key and/or inciting event. Avery does not grow or learn anything to become a different person.

    Granted you do have scenes that perked my interest and held my interest to see what would happen next, but without any plot, I feel like I read Avery's daily diary.

    I think you have a great story idea. I think what you have at present makes an awesome draft.

    The story needs structure.

    Here is a suggestion:
    Overall Story Goal: To escape and be free from Trevor
    Avery's Internal Goal: To learn to love again
    Key Event: Being taken to the hospital and nearly dying. This event would have to be presented at the story's start as the past, then jump to the present. The only thing you want to show and reveal during this scene is her being taken the hospital and put in intensive care. Don't reveal why, because if you do, then there is no point in reading the story. Its important to make the reader earn the backstory. Its important as a writer you spread the backstory revealing bits and pieces from start to finish.

    Protag: Avery
    She is going to drive the plot to escape and be free from Trevor.
    Antag: Trevor
    Trevor is going to do everything he can to stop Avery.
    This dynamic creates the conflict and tension that you would write to move the plot forward.

    Meanwhile Avery has to learn to love again. That's where Jimmy comes in. Avery wants to get close Jimmy but she can't. Every time Jimmy tries to get close, she resists. This creates conflict and tension, which is essential for story.

    In Act I
    Story opening: The Past which is the key event
    Jump to the present. Avery gets a job at the bar as a musician.
    Backstory, California is the third place she's moved to in the past 8 months, but don't reveal that all at once to the reader. If you do, then there is no story to tell.
    Avery meets Jimmy and they go on two dates. On the first date you foreshadow her resistance but again don't tell why, if you do, then there is no story tell. On the second date ramp up her resistance and reveal tiny bit and foreshadow more.

    The inciting event: Trevor finds Avery
    The inciting event is a scene where the main character has to deal with a problem. Its an event that forces the main character from their normal world into the story world. She can't keep running. California is the fourth place she has escaped to and no matter how much it will make her uneasy to deal with Trevor, its time to make a stand.

    Act II
    Trevor terrorizes Avery, but she manages to keep him at a distance. If he ever captured her for any length of time then there is no story to tell.

    Jimmy and Avery work together to figure out how to deal with Trevor. But whatever they do their ideas don't work. Trevor overcomes and begins terrorizing Jimmy too.

    Develop two or three scenes of this cat and mouse between Trevor nearly getting her. With each new scene Avery learns something new that will aid her in determining the final solution. Each scene should raise the stakes and be worse from the previous scene.

    When Avery and Jimmy work together trying to deal with Trevor, Avery begins to trust Jimmy more and more, which indirectly allows her to become closer to him.

    Act III
    Jimmy and Avery are desperate and they attempt one last time to get rid of Trevor but it fails. Its as if their world has ended. However they acquire the one last ingredient that gives them the solution to defeat and rid of Trevor for good.

    The climactic moment: The finally showdown where Avery has applied everything she has learned and defeats Trevor.

    Avery and Jimmy having worked together to save each other lives and now they are two peas in pod. Avery now can fully trust Jimmy and falls in love him.

    And they live happily ever after. The end.

    In these three acts you can integrate a great deal of what you have already written and more.

    A potential subplot could be Jimmy's past addiction to drugs, which could create more tension between him and Avery. Don't make it an easy world for Avery, give her hell. Seeing Avery go through conflict makes the reader want to invest in Avery and see how she overcomes and deals with this conflict.

    Food for thought when you decide to revise and do a rewrite. In the meantime keep writing and adding to what you have. In doing so you are brainstorming all kinds of scenes that could fit into the revision.
    April 27th, 2017 at 10:36am
  • fienix66613

    fienix66613 (100)

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    Really Good! I can't wait to see what happens next so please update quickly
    April 13th, 2017 at 11:31pm
  • kdennis9

    kdennis9 (100)

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    Awwww <3 what a nice way to spend a day with Jimmy. Please update soon!!!
    April 13th, 2017 at 09:19pm
  • deathbatXcookie

    deathbatXcookie (100)

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    Him and the stallion ducks lol
    Don't know how I missed so many updates ugh not cool but I'm all caught up yay!
    Great updates I so can't wait for another!
    April 13th, 2017 at 04:34pm
  • fienix66613

    fienix66613 (100)

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    God I hope he doesnt do something stupid. Please help him girl! Update soon please
    April 2nd, 2017 at 04:26am
  • kdennis9

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    My heart :(
    April 1st, 2017 at 03:39pm
  • fienix66613

    fienix66613 (100)

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    Aww this was such a sweet chapter! Good job! Please update soon as possible
    March 26th, 2017 at 02:46pm
  • fienix66613

    fienix66613 (100)

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    Oh thank God Jimmy is alright! I can't wait to see what happens next so please update quickly
    March 24th, 2017 at 12:46am
  • kdennis9

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    Oh good. I was worried about Jimmy. Im glad hes gonna make a full recovery and the guys are being supportive. Update when you can!!
    March 23rd, 2017 at 04:12pm
  • deathbatXcookie

    deathbatXcookie (100)

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    Wooow! I'm so glad he's ok!
    Hopefully Trevor don't come back to bother any of them ever again..
    Great updates! Can't wait for more!
    March 23rd, 2017 at 03:23pm
  • kdennis9

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    Omg!!!! I need to know what happened like now!
    March 21st, 2017 at 06:36pm
  • fienix66613

    fienix66613 (100)

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    Jimmy!!! No!!! No no no no no!!! Please update so I know he's alright
    March 21st, 2017 at 04:15pm