Until My Heart Explodes. - Comments

  • jaxprog

    jaxprog (100)

    United States
    Excellent 3rd person omniscient prose.
    Careful here... Its small but it sticks out.

    “Where are you going this time? Mikey! You can’t keep disappearing like this! Gerard needs us!” she yelled after him, but she was pretty sure he didn’t hear the end of it. He left before she could finish. She groaned in frustration. Was nobody listening to her?

    Was nobody listening to her?

    You the all knowing narrator asking the reader a question which may appear through Spencer's point of view as opposed to you just telling us.

    Consider the two:
    1) Nobody was listening to her.
    You are the all knowing narrator so whatever you say is true. No need to question it.

    Or tag it

    2) Spencer stated in frustration, "Nobody is listening to me."
    April 15th, 2017 at 08:35pm