Heirloom - Comments

I don't have a whole lot of time so I only read The Golden Age which is what ill be focusing this comment on.

I did not expect the little story to go the way it did. I'm assuming, correct me if I am wrong, that The Golden Age took place during WW2 based on some of the information given, I am also curious as to what happened to his wife. Did she die from one of the bombs? Fled when it got bad? Or did something else kill her? Since the narrator was only gone for two years. It leaves you wondering but the information given is done so very well and its enjoyable to read.

I was just browsing through some stories for the Comment Monster of April and your story caught my eye.

First off, the layout of the story is beautiful and delicate. Let me know before reading that the words will be portrayed as such and the first chapter was evidence of that. It was written beautifully. The way the husband expressed not only the love for his wife, but also the longing for wanting to give her something that he knew he deserved but that she would love for a long time.

The second chapter was full of emotions and I loved how well connected to the first it was. The use of imagery made me envision the whole scenario in my head to perfection which is one of the rarest things writers are able to do, but you managed to describe in details feelings that readers like myself are able to pride.

In the third chapter, it was obvious how important was the heirloom for the three different generations. It was sad that the man who had it at that moment had to give it away, knowing how important it was. The last chapter for me represents hope in a way, because when you described the little girl admiring the brush, made me feel like the objective of the heirloom wasn’t over with.

This was written beautifully and with such delicacy that made me enjoy it very much. Great use of imagery and descriptive feeling that makes this story so powerful.

Here judging the entries for the Four Songs, One Object contest!

Layout / Summary
The layout is delicate and beautiful. I love the way everything matches. The summary is informative yet simple, and works well to draw the reader in.

Content
There's something to be said about juxtaposition within stories, and the way in which you introduce it from the first chapter is lovely. This contrast of a beautiful object marred by mentions of bombs and war is such a stark comparison and it shows two very different lives -- one of lavish objects and one where any breath could be your last. This continues on throughout, with the hairbrush being this wonderful link to happier times, almost like a ray of light in the darkness of the lives of the people that it touches. It's such an interesting concept, and I adore the fact that it continues throughout the story.

You've done very differently to the other contestants -- most chose to simply use their object as a mention, or metaphorically within. Here, you've created a story that revolves around the object itself. It's a story about these people, yes, but it's primarily a story that shows the adventure of this hairbrush, as simplistic as that sounds. I definitely wouldn't have thought to do this myself, and it has such a wonderful effect so I commend you for going down this route. It's turned out very well.

Concrit
Didn't see anything worth mentioning!

Overall
I love this. I love how simple it is, but also how it shows the effect that simple heirlooms can have on the people around them. I can't find fault with this at all and I love the way you incorporated the songs and the object. Nice job!