The Trajectory of Planes - Comments

  • Godmother

    Godmother (100)

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    I'm barely on the Complex chapter. I'm reading from my phone and just had to stop to tell you how amazing this is! Seriously, this story is flawless and so very interesting! Everything is written so smoothly, the dialogue and the descriptions are impeccable. This is like a legit novel! You're amazing! I will. E leaving an even better comment when I get to my computer!
    August 5th, 2017 at 04:35am
  • nearly witches.

    nearly witches. (15250)

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    Back again! tehe

    You've not dropped the ball on this at all. Picking up where I left off, everything is just as exciting as it was when I left off. Going straight into Peace/Pieces greets me with this instant hostility between the Lusebi and Wren, and it's so delightful because it follows straight on from this eerie sense of brewing war that the introductory chapters gave. You're slowly spoon-feeding the readers little clues about the Lusebi culture -- things like their children being sacred and the idea of death not being honoured by the adults -- and it's so cleverly done. I've read so many stories where a new universe / world is set up and it's all just infodumps, but you weave your information in between the storyline and character development and it's just such a breath of fresh air to read such a well-written story.

    In Complex, are they playing some form of football / soccer? I find that incredibly cute -- it's a welcome change to the dark and heavy matters of the previous chapters, and it gives the reader a temporary out from that feeling of dread that seems to follow Wren like a cloud, at least for me. However, it then drops very quickly back into that Wren-vs-them sort of thing you've got going on. It's interesting to see (and this goes on throughout the rest of the chapters as well) how even the most seemingly normal parts of living are separated between the Keoni and everybody else. It's segregation, pure and simple, and I can see it getting worse and worse as the chapters go on. The conflict is getting more and more heated and i find myself growing more and more worried for Wren as it goes on, especially with the last few chapters. God knows what harm seeing all of this is doing to her mental health.

    I'm still as excited about this as I was when I started reading it. More, please!
    August 3rd, 2017 at 08:08pm
  • Michael Westen

    Michael Westen (450)

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    Dominions

    she hides that she can speak their tongue, this makes her sound like she's fluent, and from knowing everything I do, she's not.

    I don't know if I mentioned it during my first read through but the description of her house is amazing.

    I love the small detail about the food. It's just so damn subtle.

    YOU HAVE SO MANY SPRINKLES OF SUBTLE DETAILS ABOUT CHARACTERS AND I LOVE IT.

    This is just such a great introductory chapter.
    June 22nd, 2017 at 04:55pm
  • Michael Westen

    Michael Westen (450)

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    Super grateful for the pronunciation of Uhla, totally would've butchered it by myself.

    Okay so is the child a boy or a girl? At one point you have it being a girl, but the next it jumps to a boy on Tri's shoulder as you describe him.

    Find a typo - longue...has become a refuge

    but she knows that Anita and Mernala can’t put Kyrilly back together again. This line is so painful, so potent. I'm literally about to cry at all this pent up emotion that's building up. You've captured the desperation to save someone's life so well.

    So you were right, it was a bit hard for me to read, but honestly you've written this so well that it was almost cathartic to read. I can relate to how Wren is feeling, not 100% because my friend died in her sleep and Kyrilly was murdered, but it's almost as if her pain parallels mine.

    I know you hate filler chapters, but after one like this it's definitely going to be needed.

    At some point I plan to go reread from the beginning and try to catch different points and see how they've started tangling and tying themselves together.

    You're doing an incredible job with this story Mads.
    June 20th, 2017 at 03:01pm
  • Michael Westen

    Michael Westen (450)

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    Triventri is officially my favorite. The explanation of his character is so good, I feel like it gives him a solid standing point to be understood from, if that makes sense.

    Now that I can see just how Wren's physical description fits in with the rest of the chapter/story it kind of seems out of place. And now that I think about it just all around smaller. seems a bit redundant.

    I absolutely love this part though: She was raised on dreams and hopes and other things Triventri will never understand. Here, she’s lost in a world of second place. Third, maybe, behind the Keoni and survival. It's so reminiscent of what our culture is in a way, which is just perfect considering the circumstances. (Which I've just realized still have yet to be explained, unless they have and my horrible memory isn't working.)

    Actually I take back the part where her description is out of place. My man Tri's bein' sneaky.

    Holy mother, the part where Wren opens up about her feelings of her validation on the... what's this place called? That was great.

    “You might not be entirely one thing or the other, but you don’t have to be.” New favorite line, legit hit me hard.

    little stools Do you mean stalls? I'm picturing these little stools made for kids right now, correct me if I'm wrong Facepalm

    Have I told you how I love the subtle reminders that this isn't earth? I feel like it'd be really cool if the sky was a different color, but that's probably 'cause I've spent my entire life looking at it.

    Also I feel like either we haven't been introduced to who Nora is, or I've forgotten...

    OFIR - so yeah I totally want this dictionary of all the words you've had to come up with. It's such an awesome touch.

    Oh wait is Nora her best friend?

    I just love how there are secrets buried in the story, little plot points to catch at a later date. I have an inkling that Lucille might not be dead, but it might just be a false hope because I think that'd be cool.

    I don't blame you for feeling like your head is going to explode, but don't let it explode until you finish writing this story, okay?

    Also I can't get it out of my head that this feels like if The Lord of the Rings and The Hunger Games had a baby...
    April 21st, 2017 at 02:10am
  • Michael Westen

    Michael Westen (450)

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    The short explanation of the Lusbei culture is so good. It leaves you wanting more, at least I want more. And then the way you've described the language is absolutely wonderful.

    Seriously this story is so easy to play as a movie in my head. I enjoy it so much.

    The details you add make this story just that much more amazing. From the way the girl's hair is made up, to the amount of steps Wren takes... It puts a certain fire into the story, livens it up.

    I don't know why it's hitting me so hard but the bit about how the adult's won't grieve the death of one of their own is powerful.

    repeating Wren’s question is a language - I think you meant in

    AHHH I was not expecting a fight! That was both awesome and terrifying.

    There's a definite change of tone once Wren is in the Apex, I'm not pointing this out as a bad thing, because it's not, it was just interesting change of pace from the submissiveness of the first part of the chapter.

    “Sometimes, Wren, it’s not about acceptance or peace. It’s about survival.” - This is my favorite line so far.

    I'd definitely say this is good enough. It's amazing. There's such an intricate path this story is taking and you're doing such a good job with it.

    I can't wait to see what the next chapter brings.
    April 19th, 2017 at 07:19pm
  • bye gone

    bye gone (110)

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    First, WOW.

    Second, I've been trying to get the title to sound right in my head this whole time. At first, I thought you meant "planes" like in geometry, and then I thought "no, it's 'planes' like the things that fly," and I still am not sure which one it is but I think it's probably the latter? Either way, I love the title to an obsessive degree, there's something poetic about it.

    As for the story itself, I'm in awe. Your prose is absolutely amazing, and it pulled me in from the summary through the prologue and I was left grasping for more at the end of the first chapter. Everything sounds so organic, I feel like I'm reading a published sci-fi novel and not some unknown b.s. either. Not only is the plot amazing, but so is are the characters, the world-building, and the way you make the story work together so organically. I've read a lot of books in my time and all I can call this is the bastard child of contemporary literature and science fiction, and I love it. I'm already anticipating the rest of this story, which I haven't felt for anything I've read online in a long, long time. So, thank you for creating this wonderful world.

    I see heavy topics spread throughout this, the way humans are treated by the Keoni, and the way they may be treated by the Lusbei who apparently want to enact genocide on humankind on their planet. These are pretty heavy topics, but I completely trust you with them based on how well you've written the beginning of it and I can't wait to see what happens to Wren and all the other characters because even though we only got a small taste of Lark and Zedry and Veno and all of them, I'm already encaptivated and want to get to know them and be part of this world they're living in, just to know them better.

    This is seriously above and beyond. I expected it to be good, based off the summary, but I'm still in awe over what I just read.
    April 14th, 2017 at 12:49am
  • nearly witches.

    nearly witches. (15250)

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    Okay so I, too, have no idea where to start. I love the layout for this, and the summary is almost both whimsical and wistful at the same time.

    And then the content, wow. I love how effortless your description is, and how much of the story is explained between the lines. For a lot of sci-fi stories, I find that too much is explained within the text itself, and it kind of distracts from the storyline, but this has the in-between descriptions and it still makes sense, but doesn't distract from the story itself. The same goes for the description of the new world you've created. It's so different from the Earth we know, but you're also not overloading us with description. You've given us just enough to see for ourselves what's happening in this world, but also not too much so as to overload the reader and make them feel confused.

    What I like the most about this is that it's not immediately apparent that there are two completely opposing races, but that it's slowly drip-fed. It's not an out-and-out war, more like a slow burn of things that're going to explode. I love the little touches like the fact that they aren't allowed to learn the Keoni language -- it's little things that show the oppression of the people who have come to this world, and I love it. It's got all of the markings of a perfect beginning, and an exciting story.

    I'm definitely subscribing to this. I can't wait to read more about the world you've created. I second what's been said below -- this is absolutely fantastic. I wait in anticipation for more!
    April 9th, 2017 at 09:54pm
  • Michael Westen

    Michael Westen (450)

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    Where do I even begin to explain how much I already love this? This is such a great introductory chapter. I love how it lays down a map of what this village looks like, what her home looks like, and how things differ from what Earth is like.

    And then you have all the different characters and just enough detail about them that it's not overwhelming, and it leaves you wanting more, because just who are these people?

    I'm so interested in all the ins and outs of this world, and where you're going to take it. You already know how excited I am.

    The fact that there are different races, and that there is a war, and that for some reason they aren't allowed to learn the native language, it's all so good.

    I just can't wait to learn more about everything. This is already so fantastic.
    April 6th, 2017 at 03:21pm
  • Michael Westen

    Michael Westen (450)

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    Just reread the prologue for like the fourth time and it's still so amazing. I think these are some of the best descriptions you've ever written. It not only gives us a brilliant setting to look forward to, but the tone of the narrator is so easy going that it really pulls you into the story.

    I can't wait for this to really start.
    April 3rd, 2017 at 10:54pm
  • squidward tentacles.

    squidward tentacles. (255)

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    SCREAMING.

    I'm already in love with everything about this. Your layout is beautiful, and your summary really caught my attention.

    1) this sky is not blue, and

    2) I found a world where no one could go.


    This is so mysterious, and mystery always gets me hook line and sinker. Then I start reading and aliens! I can't wait to find out more about them and see where this goes because I am a sucker for stories like this, and I don't find them very often.

    You have a great prologue; I love really visual intros like this because I feel like it immediately delves into the world building and immerses me in the universe of the story. This is off to a running start and I'll be clicking that subscribe button now because I need to know where they are and how they got there and aliens.
    April 3rd, 2017 at 08:37am