Your Memories Will Soften - Comments

  • losing control.

    losing control. (4250)

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    Alright, you know what I'm here for, and you know how sorry I am about not commenting sooner.

    I adore my boys so much. Even in their sadness and brokenness I love these characters and I always will. You write the sadness so beautifully, I know that it's Jas' sadness and Eli is observing it, but still, you write it in a way that keeps it light and elegant and still very powerful. Your descriptions are perfection, and I just love how you can feel Eli and Jas within the descriptions. Like they're actually the ones writing this story. Which I know is actually sort of true because these boys have a mind of their own. I also really liked how this could be a stand alone story. Obviously I know their history, but their relationship is so clear in this story that even if you didn't know these characters, you would still get it and understand them.

    “Let’s go home and sleep off all of our leftover angst.”
    This may be my favourite thing you've ever added into a story. Also same.

    I love you and I love these boys and I love this story so, so much. This comment doesn't do the story any justice but I adore it all.
    October 7th, 2017 at 08:34am
  • Blood Eagle

    Blood Eagle (110)

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    I really like this. It just feels natural, soulful, and real. I can tell that you're writing from the heart, not just your head. Some of the descriptions are just perfect; like when you described his hair as 'tinted a strange yellow-brown,' the image was crystal clear in my mind. Another thing that stood out to me about this was the emotional quality of it. The way you described their mutual "intimacy with sorrow," was really beautiful and defined their relationship for the reader.

    My only critique so far is that I don't understand what writing this in second person adds to the story. I don't think it's necessary to add such a novelty, since the writing is good enough to not require one.
    July 23rd, 2017 at 07:44am
  • hangsang.

    hangsang. (210)

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    Other than the beautiful description you included in this, I think the other thing that stood out the most to me was just how well Jasper and Elijah meshed together. They just fit. There was something about the two of them that had the perfect amount of balance. They were there for one another in their times of loss and, as it stated, that's how they really found one another. I found that so beautiful.

    And the way you described the park and Elijah's realization. God, it was beautiful. I absolutely loved reading this. The flow was perfect, I didn't see a single mistake, and just- wow. Amazing job!
    July 19th, 2017 at 05:16am
  • hangsang.

    hangsang. (210)

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    double, sorry
    July 19th, 2017 at 05:16am
  • Nereid

    Nereid (930)

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    This was amazingly beautiful. You captured so a fantastic essence of human life in this. It was hard hitting and emotional and was so real. I'm really impressed with how you made me feel like I knew these characters well, though so little was said to describe who they were as people.

    I kind of don't know what to say because I feel like my words don't do justice to the brilliance of this story. It's just really amazing <3
    July 13th, 2017 at 03:24pm
  • Nereid

    Nereid (930)

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    This was amazingly beautiful. You captured so a fantastic essence of human life in this. It was hard hitting and emotional and was so real. I'm really impressed with how you made me feel like I knew these characters well, though so little was said to describe who they were as people.

    I kind of don't know what to say because I feel like my words don't do justice to the brilliance of this story. It's just really amazing <3
    July 13th, 2017 at 03:24pm
  • lady.bex

    lady.bex (250)

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    NaNoWriMo 2016
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    This was sensational. Super well written. I've enjoyed every last word of it!
    June 9th, 2017 at 12:56pm
  • cloud nymph

    cloud nymph (100)

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    Oh my goodness In Love all of the stars aligned and the earth opened up. THIS piece was so beyond the comparison of beauty and I felt like we saw so much progression and so much love and paired with the song was amazing . It was so emotional and beautiful with the song and on its own. I mean, I totally had to stop and feel things and shed a few tears bc I love these boys more than I love my own characters. This was amazing, and I am left feeling so full of love from the universe that gravitates around them. Cute
    June 8th, 2017 at 09:28pm