August 20th, 2017 at 06:35pm
I'm here to judge for the Keep the Music Short and Sweet contest.
First off, I really like how true to the song this was. I listened to the song/read the English lyrics before I read this, and it fit in really well with how I imagined a story based off the song would be.
I loved the description you used to start off the story -- the difference between the sunsets was really effective in describing how she could be like two completely different people and I liked that you kept that description through the whole piece. Everything felt very pretty, I guess you could say, despite the fact that the story was about a relationship ending. It also felt very finished, like the narrator knew this was the right thing to do and had come to terms with it, so it had a finality to it that I really liked.
The only criticism I had, if you could call it that, is that the flow felt a bit inconsistent. You had some really lovely descriptions, and then will have the rest of the sentence or the sentence after it be really blunt, which makes things read a bit awkwardly for it. This could definitely just be personal preference, but I find when you stick to either more of the blunt type of prose or the more description filled, it keeps the consistency there.
Overall though, I really enjoyed this story and think you did a great job. Thanks for entering!
Thank you for commenting! I've actually been told that before, about how sometimes my sentences flow nicely and right after they'll be really blunt and in most of the cases, it's completely intentional although sometimes it really just comes out that way :p
I'm glad you enjoyed :)