The Shards of the Moon - Comments

  • aubs

    aubs (420)

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    I think it is so cute the way that Luna speaks. I mean, because she is a child, and a young one at that, of course she would speak as she does, but actually spelling the words out the way you did made me laugh. I can just imagine such a young child saying what she says. It is adorable.

    I absolutely loved reading this. One of my favorite things about it was that it began with Luna as a child, and then progressed, very quickly, until present day, as an eighteen year old. It brought in some important memories about her father so the reader can tell the kind of person he was in her eyes without dragging them on and on.
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    but I swear that the moon had grown bigger.
    The last line just really pulled me into the story. It makes me want to know more. Did it grow bigger? What's going to happen now? I can't wait to see what happens next!
    July 21st, 2017 at 05:22am
  • losing control.

    losing control. (4250)

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    This is a really interesting concept for a story. I love using space descriptions in my own writing and it's always so fascinating seeing how other people implement it into their stories. The end made me super excited because it's so vague but it had hints of fantasy and I feel like the plot is gonna be really interesting to read. I also liked how you fleshed out the characters in this first chapter. I still feel like there's still a ton to learn about them but we got a really good introduction to them which I really appreciated.

    There was a couple things I noticed that I wanted to mention. The first is to watch your use of commas and not to oeruse them. I do the same thing so I'm always super aware of it when I'm reading stories, but you sometimes put commas in where there doesn't really need to be commas so it can make things feel a bit choppy. It wasn't distracting or anything, but it'll just flow a bit better if you cut out a couple of those. Also, I found a few sentences to be a bit repetitive. I think it was because when you talked about certain things, like the chair in the very first paragraph or talking about Luna's dad, you used the exact same words. I assume you mentioned those things because clearly they're significant, but if you just change the words a tiny bit so they aren't exactly the same it would help make it feel less repetitive.

    Honestly though, those two things are really not that significant, and I think they'll just make this already great story really awesome. I'm looking forward to reading more of this and seeing where the plot goes!
    June 27th, 2017 at 08:12am
  • Archita

    Archita (100)

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    I really enjoy your writing style. It's immersive nearly from the first line. I wasn't sure what to expect when I read the title (and honestly I'm still not 100%) but I look forward to it nonetheless. I cannot wait to read more. :)
    June 26th, 2017 at 05:04pm
  • arrivals.

    arrivals. (100)

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    I love this! The plot is highly original and I simply adore how Luna describes her father as "the man who talks to stars". I'm so glad this is a chaptered story! Cannot wait to see where it goes :)
    June 14th, 2017 at 08:15am