The Land of Infinite Whispers - Comments

Okay! First, I just want to say that aesthetic is gorgeous and breathtaking, and this also goes for the layout. Definitely fits the mood I got from reading the very well written summary!

You write so well, it honestly feels like I'm reading something that's already published... if that makes any sense. The first chapter was amazing. It was so dark, mysterious, and I could really feel how palpable the moment was for the Seven Sisters. Your comparisons are absolutely on point and really bring the world to life. You have to wonder what exactly is going on, so that definitely keeps my interest and makes me want to know more. I loved the line "With the evil came the cold…"! It set the mood and it gave me shivers. Also, I loved how the chapter ended - how even though the evil left it only went someplace else. How ominous!

I hope that you really continue this lovely story! It's insanely good and your characters are their own people. I'm only sorry that I can't give you any constructive criticism or anything, but for me, I couldn't find anything wrong with this or anything that I thought could be improved upon. I could totally see this being something publishable!

Happy writing and happy holidays!!

Got my interest peaked to see what happens next!

I'm here for the prize for the Give Me a God contest.

I'm gonna start off by saying that I don't tend to read a lot of fantasy. It's just a genre that I don't really gravitate towards, so I can't really say too much towards how it stacks up compared to other stories in the same genre.

We'll start with the summary. I liked how much you included, you created some mystery by showing a couple of the beginning plot points to generate that interest and pull your readers in. The only thing about it that threw me off a little is how matter-of-fact it was. Even though it's a summary, you can still keep it descriptive enough that it doesn't feel like you're just telling us facts about the story.

The plot itself is interesting. I like the idea of some dark force being the villain of the story instead of a person. It almost makes it seem more ominous in a way and brings some realism to this world you created. I know that all of these chapters you have posted make up the first chapter, so I was trying to look at it from an introduction perspective. I would have liked to have a seen a bit more of an explanation of the Scourge and why Mirabelle can hear the Earth talk. They are both cool concepts, but I just found myself being confused and wanting to understand a bit more about them. The way you incorporated them in the story almost made it feel like I should already know about them both, but since those two specific things aren't common things you see in stories, some more explanation would be good.

Throughout the story, you have a lot of places that have commas that feel kind of awkward. I feel like I tend to pick up on them a lot because I also add in a ton of commas when I write so I'm not sure if it's really that noticeable. But the amount of commas made a lot of your sentences feel choppy. There were also some sentences that felt unnecessarily repetitive. An example that I found was:

Her face was like that of a fox, with a small, pointed nose and small, pointed lips and a small, pointed chin,

It ended up reading weirdly because of how repetitive it was. There were more like this sprinkled throughout the chapter, but I'm not going to point out all of them individually. Also, while I'm talking about this sentence, it's a good example of having the word and a little too much. I feel like "and" is your go-to transition/connection word, but if you use it too often it gets really noticeable. There's so many ways to connect thoughts and using "and" all the time starts to get really boring.

Something I was just curious about, is there a reason for every name starting with M? I feel like there is because it seems like a weird coincidence if not

You don't have a ton of dialogue in the story which I really appreciate. I feel like there's something really great about being able to tell a story through descriptions and world building and having dialogue that really leaves an impact. However, I feel like your dialogue wasn't as impactful as it could have been. I know not every bit of dialogue needs to be some grand revelation or anything, but a lot of the time it felt like your characters were almost pointing out something that was already explained through description or was more or less obvious because of the situation. I found myself really wanting your characters to tell me something new or add something else to a situation, and that didn't always happen.

And I found one error:
She could feel his stare boring into her sole, and the entire time the whispers from the land grew in her ears, “No escape, no escape, no escape…”
Sole should be soul.

Alright, I'm done. I know that was a lot of concrit, but if I remember correctly, you're wanting to get this edited or publushed and are usually looking for more concrit, so I thought this would be more beneficial than just being like "this is cool, good job!". I really do think this is an interesting story and once we get to the adventuring bits and past the intro, I think it has a ton of potential to go somewhere really fun and interesting.

Good job!

I don't have time to read too much right now, but I just want to say that I'm coming back! I've begun the first chapter, and (even just from the summary), I'm really interested in the world you've created!

[ from the comment the summary thread ]

Firstly, I like the layout area for the summary. There's enough padding, the colour / font go well with the rest of the layout and above all, it's readable. Everything gels together well and it's attractive enough to draw the reader into the summary itself.

Your summary itself reads like a typical fantasy summary -- it gives us a glimpse into a world you've created, and the characters that will be integral to that world. Instantly, we get to forge relationship lines between the characters (Mirabelle being the last-born daughter and so on so forth) and we get an idea of where the story will be going. You give away just enough without giving away too much -- we've still got a lot to be learning within the story content itself and you don't give away the entire plot within the summary. That being said, it could do with more information on vertain parts as it gets a little confusing -- what's a Scourge and why is it important? That turned me off of reading the story a little as I believed I needed more information / knowledge specifically about the story prior to actually reading.

Aside from that, a good strong summary. Nice work!