Broken Spark - Comments

This was beautifully written. I can't even express the love I have for your writing. It's clean and hits you right in the gut. The way you evoke the emotions of your narrator into the reader is masterfully done. You have such an amazing talent, and I am so utterly taken aback by the sheer emotion you managed to evoke in me while I was reading. Fantastic job!

wow, this is just amazing. great way to bring in why she was doing this and how you described it was perfect. very intense and emotional!

Really powerful emotions. It's such a dark concept and you've executed it well. Putting the reveal of why she's threatening this boy near the end was a good idea because it created more tension and drama as you question why she's behaving that way. It's twisted and creepy, and I think you've done a fantastic job with showing such a controversial topic.

Wow. I am speechless. There was so emotion in this short piece. I was a little worried that she had the wrong guy, but after reading what he did to her, and how it is something you don't forget very easily, as well as the person who did such a horrid act, I knew that he was the right guy. I could just feel the anger that she was feeling through the whole thing, as well as the panic that they guy must have been feeling by having the gun pointed at his face.

I am just blown away with how powerful this piece is. Amazing.

Oh my gosh, dude. That was super intense. Really powerful. You pretty much had me hooked from the first line. Damn, dude. It's amazing how much emotion you convey through both characters and how much of a story you tell through just these small amount of words. Really, really good!

Wow, that was a super intense drabble.

My favourite drabbles to read are ones where we're focused on a moment in time and get a bit of backstory throughout the story. I find them super interesting to read and the flow of the story is always so fantastic. I think you did a really good job strategically putting in the back story bit so it just hits the reader and we're like wait, what's happening? Usually people opt to make the ending the surprising bit of the story, but you threw it in the middle and I thought it added a nice punch of the story.

The only thing I wanted to point out is, and maybe this is just me, but I feel like when a writer uses caps to signify yelling, it breaks the immersion. You can use dialogue tags and add little details to show that a person is scared/angry/just yelling, etc. and I think it adds more dimension to the story. It almost feels like a bit of a cop out to me to use caps because adding little details isn't as important if you can show use caps to signify it, you know? Then again, like I said, could just be a weird me thing.

Overall, I thought this was a really powerful and intense drabble. Great job!

holy shit.....i just read this and i'm shook!!!!! at first i genuinely thought she got the wrong guy because he was acting like he had no idea who she was, but she ignored him and then when she remembered what he did to her, it hit me like oK WAIT....HE'S GROSS lol. you wrote this beautifully. v short, simple, and powerful. :)

Damn. That was short and to the point. The small details you've ingrained in this are potent. I don't even know what else to say.

Holy jesus, that's dark and intense! And well-written! i'm gonna guess that this boy raped the girl? Jeeez, in so very few words there were a lot of emotions. Erin, you did an awesome job with it.