Amor Eterno - Comments

@ unsaintism.
You're very welcome! I hope I did your story justice in my comment and didn't end up on some sort of unrelated tangent because I thought I saw a metaphor that wasn't really there...

Glad to see another person back on Mibba though! I'm looking forward to seeing any more writing you do :)

@ Nereid
This is the first story I've posted on here in a really long time, I wasn't expecting such a great comment, and so soon at that! Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment on my little drabble.

I feel like because this is a drabble I need to appreciate each sentence rather than just the overall feel of the story, so I hope you don't mind the lengthy comment you're about to receive.

"Her lips were stained with vanilla cigarettes and her fingers ached for his."
This is such a great start to this drabble and I love the metaphor you've already looped in. When you say that her fingers ache it makes me feel as if he is maybe not a person, maybe it's a cigarette, the addictive nature of that cigarette, or all combined. As if the lips stained were not just the taste of cigarettes but also his kisses.

"Her sternum churned with all the words she wanted to tell him, her throat burned with the hunger to have him."
I love how you said sternum rather than chest or ribs, it's so much more poetic and powerful and makes it far more emotive. And the throat burning, again, another way to tie in the metaphor of him being a cigarette, which I really like.

"She changed her mood so rapidly the storm couldn't keep up, but her love for him was constant, insistent and rapid."
Comparing women to something powerful is an aspect of writing I always adore because women are powerful. The idea of her being a hurricane of a person, and the only thing that can stay constant is him. Something, or someone, who she's forever needing like an addiction.

"It scared her more than he ever did, even with his sharp teeth and dark stories, because his skin was soft and he was so warm, so warm, when she felt cold for too many years now."
Such a fantastic last line to this drabble. It hints at a further story and a backstory we'll never get to see. Drabbles aren't meant to spin a dramatic story, they're like windows to human emotions, a fleeting glance into the human concept and you've done that perfectly.

Overall, I think this is an incredible, emotive, powerful drabble that upon first glance could be nothing more than a love story. But when you take the time to really read into each line it's so much more. It's a girls love for something addictive, be it person or cigarette, and how there's plenty of bad aspects to him, he makes her feel something and that makes all of it worth it. Seriously love it. Amazing work!