So Mason feels a lot like me, and I love that. He's instantly relatable and you find yourself wanting things to go well for him. This was so light-hearted, cute and down right cute.
October 17th, 2017 at 12:19am
I’m here for the ‘Summer Is Here’ contest.
GAY! SUMMER! FUN! TIMES! I can’t believe that you have given me what I’ve been waiting for all my life in just under a thousand words. Everything that I’ve been waiting for is here. It’s just here, and I’m so in love with the promise this all has — especially between Mason and Oliver.
I just love that a bowling center is what Mason gravitated to in his attempts to be ~*social*~ because I mean. Same. Why go to the mall or a café or something when you can just go to a bowling center and have some fries and ketchup while some cute and snarky boy takes a mop bath? Why would you want to do anything else when this is what you’ll get? THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING. Lowkey want to know how the hell Oliver ended up taking a bath with a mop though. I think you have to be a whole new level of clumsy to manage that because I’m clumsy as all hell, but I can safely say that hasn’t happened to me. The unsolved mystery will keep me up at night tbh. But despite his concerning clumsiness, I also love Oliver. All I got was a brief moment with him but it was infectious and hilarious. Especially seeing as just his overall attitude and personality makes Mason want to come back, despite his anxiety. (Yes, Mason, come back. Bond with Klutzy that probably smells like Pinesol and mop water but it’s okay because he’s funny and cute. You can share your probably cold fries and ketchup!)
Anyway, I should move onto techniques and content and such now!
You already know how much I love second person, but just in case you forgot, I’ll reiterate: it’s wonderful, it’s beautiful, it’s raw and personal and full of so much emotion simply because you’re putting me in Mason’s position. Had you written it in first or third, yeah, sure, I still would have related with Mason in his social anxiety and reluctance to interact with real people. I still would have connected with him—but not like how I did in second person. The connection wouldn’t have been the same any other way because as it is, I want to go hide in my nonexistent apartment and watch TV but I also want to go back to the bowling center. It also amplified that moment where he walked into the bowling center because I know that feeling and I loved the whole sensory thing. The little bits about his life outside of himself (the line about his parents, “You knew they thought things were bad when they actually spoke to each other.” and the personal touch of the torn-up blanket being from his grandmother) also added another level.
As for mistakes (though I know you said it’ll probably be edited soon, sorry!), there was one that stood out the most because I had to read it twice before I realized what it was supposed to be:
__ Although you really wouldn’t have normally found yourself [in] many places other than your dimly lit apartment
Other than that, your prose was fantastic. You have a simple but consistent flow the entire time that was so enjoyable and addicting. I want more. Like please continue this because I want more gay summer fun times. I’m seriously so highkey excited about this story so PLEASE.