Gloom - Comments

I’m here for the ‘To Keep & Be Kept’ contest and I’m so sorry I’m so late.

THIS IS NOT AT ALL WHAT I WAS EXPECTING, OH WOW. And yes, I’m so stunned and taken aback that I had to use caps and I can’t take it back now because my brain is just going ‘WOW’ over and over, oops. But seriously, this was not at all what I was expecting to come out of that prompt and really, I didn’t see it coming at the beginning either. I was more than aware it was about abuse and it was so awful, but you veered me off to the left with the first mention of the gun. To be honest, I even went back and reread it to see if I had missed something at the beginning but NOPE. You definitely took me by surprise.

This was such a good revenge fic—especially since the narrator gave the illusion of being meek and fragile in the beginning with the word choice, but by the end, they were angry and vindictive and just wow. I love how you incorporated the prompt into the actual content both in thought and as the last words spoken. It made it actually kind of amusing, despite the, you know, severity of the situation. Then again, I could have laughed because I was in shock. Thing is, reflecting back on it, I don’t see how it could go any other way and that’s the irony of the entire thing. You paid attention to detail and you set up the situation very well. I feel like there was a certain poetry that could be missed in this violence happening during a storm. I, personally, find storms to be beautiful, which amplified the contrast on a whole new level for me. After my initial shock, I realized the weight and beauty of what you had done.

It was fantastic. This was just excellent all around, so great job!

This was such an intense piece of writing, even though it was short you packed a heap of emotion into it. Your writing style it so beautiful everything flows perfectly and your ability to describe everything in such a short but effective way is admirable. The atmosphere in this piece of writing is so good and so intense that is drew me in so quickly that when it was over. I didn’t want it to be over. I wanted there to be more. Having said that the ending was most certainly not something that I saw coming, it was a shock and the end line was so fitting and perfect and just GAH!!! i loved it I honestly and truthfully loved it!

@ vacant eyes.
@ Shatterheart
Thank you both so much for your kind words. I haven't written anything of substance in months so it was really nice to get such positive and thoughtful comments!

Woah, I didn't see that ending coming. But I really liked this!
You did a great job with setting the scene and mood; the details you have were amazing. The way you transitioned from internal thoughts to suddenly the character holding a gun in their hand was smooth and well done. Again, I am a huge sucker for details, and the descriptions using the senses added to the dramatic touch.

And oh look how the tables are turned! I love the karma you are serving up here. Maybe that sounds cruel but against abusers I won't lose sleep.

And the closing line was just perfect...

This was a great read!

This is really beautiful and I found myself really wishing that there was more to this little snippet in the narrator's life. Your word choice is so deliberate. I actually felt like I was there in the room with them, hearing the rain and the thunder and watching the violence. It was a stunning piece. Absolutely beautiful.