California Dreaming - Comments

Finally the moment I've been waiting for. She doesn't need to worry about Asia

This is a big step for George. Seeing his daughter after 3 years.

Really liking this so far

I like the layout! It's very California-y lol and I like the simplicity. The summary hooked me right in and I like that it's in both of the characters' point of views.

Your writing is so flowy and simple. I like it. And you know how to hook people in, just from the summary and the first chapter. I think what I like most is how flawed the characters are, especially Alyssa.

Quote

None of them, though, were a murderer.

This line especially is just so powerful. Obviously I don't know Alyssa's character very well since this is the beginning of the story, but you can tell she's so affected by what she did that she's defining herself as such.

I agree with Nereid about giving your character realism and depth, because even in short chapters like the first two, there's already so much to it.

I really enjoyed reading this! Good job

This is really, really great. I love your two main characters so much. Authors who take the time to give their character realism and depth are instantly some of my favourites, and you have done exactly that. They're beautifully human. Broken, disinterested, addictive, overwhelmed, and already so well written. These sort of characters are the ones I relate to most, and I think so many people do too in some form or the other.

Your writing is really emotive too, and I enjoy the natural flow of story and inner monologue. It's a great balance you have established, and works well for a story dealing with the issues your characters are.

I cannot wait for an update. I think it's going to be amazing.