November 28th, 2017 at 04:31pm
and my thoughts are the same! Ugh, Chemistry! I loved Mary’s thoughts throughout her narration. Especially the line: “I heard that her first name is Lilly. Lilly Dew. That’s a Bambi name if ever I heard one”. I don’t know if you intended that to be funny or not, but that line made me laugh.
Although – I have one question, if I may: you stated in the summary Jayesh is a Muslim, but in the story, he says he’s a Christian? I’m just a little confused. Is that intentional? Because if it was, that really depicts what is like to be a POC, with people assuming your religion. Well done.
I’m curious as to where this story will go. Looking forward to more!
Thank you so much! I've been trying to get better at narrating with thought and description instead of just "this thing happened."
I'm going to change Muslim to Indian. His family is from India, and that's definitely something I'll get into later. He is a Christian, and that's definitely something new to the small town of Coffeeville. So, I'll probably edit it. I just didn't want to say "Indian" and people get confused and think I mean Native American.
I'm definitely looking forward to writing more. I'm working on Chapter 3, so hopefully it'll be up soon!