Ellis & the Prince - Comments

Appreciate the feedback both of you! all of your notes are very helpful and I'm glad you liked it! My formatting did get a little wonky in the move from word to mibba lol. I'll need to touch that up and skim through some of the details with a fine tooth comb and consolidate some words and keep a look out for punctuation. Again your advice was very helpful thank you!

Hm... I love it, but some parts of the opening scene confuse me. Why would the man appreciate where he stood? Where is he? Other places you can consolidate details – "beige, braided hair" can become something more like "long beige braid" and save you a comma.

In the sentence beginning with "Once the door..." add "revealing" after "hood," and delete "emerged into the light." for better sentence flow.

Double check all punctuation– I spot some missing periods and misplaced apostrophes.

I can't wait for the next chapter!

First off, let me just say it's always great to see more fantasy stories around the site! I can tell already that you have put a lot of thought and heart into this story.

Your description and dialogue are all very well written and engaging. You create quite a sense of mystery and intrigue with the little hints dropped about the situations the characters are in and then switching scenes. A very nice touch!

The one thing I would suggest, and this happens often to me when I use a document on my computer and then copy paste into Mibba, is to format in full paragraph breaks. It looks like you did have them, but Mibba took them away. An easy fix for sure.

So far this is a wonderful concept and definitely piqued my interest. ::nod: