This is a really interesting story! My first thought as I started reading was that maybe it was a little much too soon, but in a way, it actually does work well for you because you sort of shove reader right into the thick of it and make it impossible for them to stop and catch their breath.
Honestly, one cool thing I really like is how uncertain I am about the world. You mentioned the war and people having to go fight in it, but it doesn't sound like any sort of war that's happened in our world, meaning I automatically assume we're in a different place. But then she says the year was 1945, and you mention cellphones and computers, so that shifts things back to the world I'm familiar with. It sort of keeps you hanging on the edge, unsure of where you stand, and it's really interesting.
Overall, you have a very original, interesting concept here! Keep at it!
Honestly, one cool thing I really like is how uncertain I am about the world. You mentioned the war and people having to go fight in it, but it doesn't sound like any sort of war that's happened in our world, meaning I automatically assume we're in a different place. But then she says the year was 1945, and you mention cellphones and computers, so that shifts things back to the world I'm familiar with. It sort of keeps you hanging on the edge, unsure of where you stand, and it's really interesting.
Overall, you have a very original, interesting concept here! Keep at it!