Of a New Midday - Comments

This was such a fun read. I'm also amused by the fact my initial reaction was to root for Blueberry too. I felt just as confused as the narrator through the whole thing but was equally as engaged. And the last sentence is straight up so realistic I let out an audible laugh.

To get some things out of the way first, love your layout and there's no grammar or spelling issues that I can see!

Alright, I absolutely adore the writing style, your choppiness and sentence structure lends itself to feeling the urgency that the narrator was experiencing, but you've undercut that urgency with a few comedic jibes the boys are giving each other. I'm particularly fond of the trash-talking, as who hasn't trash-talked their opponent when trying to win? Very relatable, and the disappointment is evident at the end of the first chapter.

Through the second chapter, I like how you've shown the narrator's confusement over what's happening in the fight scene and how he chooses to root for the characters: In this moment, I feel the need to root for Blueberry. Watching this redhead growing vulnerable by the second just saddens me. Quite relatable! I also like how we're pulled away from the fight scene as the narrator comments on things happening to him - such as the person hitting his hamstring.

I think you've done a beautiful job drawing inspiration from the prompt! It's a funny and relatable two shot.