What Sarah Said - Comments

Right away I have to say I adore the imagery you start with in the second paragraph. It's beyond vivid in my opinion. I was getting such a light, sparkly vibe from this until the line "this is hell on earth." Immediately after that I got hit with anticipation, like there's some ominous build up going on. I love the jarring effect that has, almost like whiplash.
I just can't get over how fantastic your descriptions are. I can perfectly see this man just sheepishly standing outside her door, going up and down on the balls of his feet.
The ending took me for complete surprise. Are they dead? Already in hell? What the hell is going on and why isn't there ANOTHER CHAPTER, I cannot deal with cliffhangers like this.

I'm sorry that this isn't a longer comment but I looked so damn hard for something to critique and couldn't find anything. I really think this is pretty spectacular. No spelling mistakes or grammatical issues - just a good, sadly unfinished story you got me invested in with less than 1,000 words.
I seriously enjoyed this. Awesome job. c:

As usual, you open with a beautiful sentence to suck us in and intrigue us about the character and the setting, with a layout to support the mood that you've created in the first paragraph. It's dreamy and encapsulates the reader, even letting us see summer through Sarah's eyes. However, the dreaminess cuts through a little with the line This is hell on earth, in my opinion turning the dreaminess almost hazy in a way that Sarah cannot see or understand fully what's happened.

All in all, a great set up for whatever's coming next and I look forward to finding out how and why this mysterious stranger killed Sarah. Your grammar and spelling are excellent with no hiccups that I can detect, and you hold a lot of power in your description of the events so far.

Notes for the contest:
I was just a little bit disappointed that it's only the prologue, as I was hoping to see you take the inspiration lines somewhere but alas, I'll be sticking around and waiting for the rest of it because it's so damn good.