A Siren - Comments

  • silk tea.

    silk tea. (400)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    31
    Location:
    United States
    So the biggest draw for me was just the language you use. It's so hypnotic and the flow of the words is almost like music. I really liked what I read but it felt like it needs to be part of a bigger piece, like there was more to learn about the school and the siren and what happens to the narrator. If you ever do write a second piece to this I would absolutely love it. I can only imagine how you would write an in depth description of the siren it would flow like water.
    February 14th, 2019 at 05:19am
  • aubs

    aubs (420)

    :
    Drabble Scribe
    Gender:
    Age:
    30
    Location:
    United States
    Quote
    In the small town of Breda's Cove, there exists an urban legend.
    I absolutely love that you started the piece with this. It really pulled me in. I mean, I could have stopped there and still absolutely loved this with all my heart. And even the description about the siren's was so beautiful; getting two different contrasting descriptions was a cool way to describe them.

    What I really like about this (other than literally everything because it was wonderful) is how short it is. I think the shortness works with something like this. The reader is given all the important information without the descriptions droning on and on, and that's something I love. The scene with the students was short and sweet; I could assume from it that they were just having some fun around the fire, maybe roasting marshmallows, and just telling scary stories. It could be summer, I'm guessing, but because it isn't specifically stated, it's something I have to guess for myself.

    I like how the main character, probably hoping to debunk (or maybe see something) the stories, goes to the pier. That scene was short, and I like it that way. It all happened as quickly as she saw the creature and it took her away.

    Well, goodness. I really loved this. Everything about it was beautifully written and I could probably read it a hundred times over and never be tired of it.
    February 8th, 2019 at 08:43am