Haner to Save the Day - Comments

  • Damsel of Darkness

    Damsel of Darkness (150)

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    Well, she's very adamant on not going where ever they're all going! I'm sure--or at least I hope so--she'll have fun once she's there.

    Oh, suggesting she jump out the window is not helping her case whatsoever. Haha. I wouldn't be keen on that either!!

    I like that Jo second guessed herself about making Veronica go out. It shows she's a really caring friend that she can see how distressed she is. But I'm glad she's pushing her and encouraging her to get out there and do what normal teenagers do. Take risks and have fun!

    She didn’t appreciate that he was treating her like a damsel in distress but decided to save her arguing for another moment. - It's not the worst thing to be cradled by Brian, I imagine... Wink

    A drag race, that's different! I like it, good rebellious outing... better than the typical house party.

    Deciding she could hate him a little less for one night, she rested her head on his shoulder. The last thing she remembered before fully falling asleep was Brian screaming, “Ha ha, my coffee now!”/i] - Nawww! Cute.

    Looking forward to the next one Very Happy
    August 26th, 2019 at 01:04pm
  • Damsel of Darkness

    Damsel of Darkness (150)

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    Mmm... Evan is very smooth. A little too smooth! I don't know how I feel about him at this point, I just... I don't like how charming he is. I guess it just comes off as a little too rehearsed and not so much natural. I maybe overthinking it, of course. And maybe I'm biased as I do like the idea of her and Brian.

    Jimmy did not want to get double slapped by Jo and Veronica. - Hahaha! I kind of think that would be hilarious... but surely he couldn't say anything bad enough to warrant it.

    Ooh, a pretty dress. I hope she's not too uncomfortable in it on her date!

    It's adorable that she got permission to go on a date. I get that it's probably a respect thing and what not, but it's still sweet.

    The roses are a nice touch. I still don't trust him, but I hope for her sake she has a very nice first date.

    Jimmy's pep talk is adorable. I love that he just let her go then brought her back to reality. Clearly exactly what she needed!

    Oh, awkward silences on a date are killer... Sad

    I'm glad it got better and she had a good time. I feel maybe I could be wrong about Evan, but I just have this feeling...

    Look forward to finding out more!
    July 21st, 2019 at 03:43pm
  • Damsel of Darkness

    Damsel of Darkness (150)

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    I really enjoyed the way you wrote the intro to this chapter. I liked the way you described the party scene and Brian's dislike for his drink. He's clearly not having a great time.

    “Nice talking to you,” Brian replied, beginning to walk away. - OHHH! Cold! Hahaha. Way to blow her off, Brian.. jeez!

    Of course he's more interested in going to Veronica's house. Boy has a crush, even though he may not realise it. I do. I see it. Hahaha.

    Well, that's an icy welcome--or not so much--from Veronica. I know he pissed her off, but damn. The girl is like an ice queen!

    Again, I really do enjoy the way you have worked the Vietnamese culture into the story. It's interesting to see how the other characters handle it and I love that even though Jimmy and Brian are unaware, they're still respectful and seem to take a genuine interest. It's really telling of the kind of people they are.

    “Chip do it! It’s not working!” Jimmy whined, giving her his crawfish. - oh, Jimmy... he's so adorable.

    “Thank you all for coming. I appreciate all you, except maybe Brian.” - Lies! She appreciates him, whether she is consciously aware of it or not. Hahaha.

    I enjoyed the update. Looking forward to the next one!
    July 8th, 2019 at 01:13pm
  • Damsel of Darkness

    Damsel of Darkness (150)

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    First of all, congrats on your story featuring on the homepage! Awesome!

    I do love a cocky Brian. It would be irritating if he wasn't so handsome, but I mean... look at him. He has every right to be that way. Hahaha

    I feel Veronica's struggle with keeping her school space tidy. Except mine is a work space and I actively make myself tidy it at the end of every day. I need to come into some sort of organisation when I arrive in the morning, before I turn my desk into the land of chaos throughout the day. Hahaha.

    Well isn't Evan one smooth operator! I'm unsure of him... I have my eye on him, I just feel he may be a little too smooth!

    The bickering between Veronica and Brian is interesting. It doesn't seem overly fuelled by hate... I mean, the banter back and forth is quite tame and comes across as in they're just in a bad mood around one another all the time. I supposed Brian's attitude is born from the fact that he actually likes her (whether he realises it or not) and her irritation seems to be a direct response to Brian's attitude.

    I like this friendship building between Alana and Jimmy. Although I'm sure if Veronica found out, she may be a little angry that her close friend and sister and getting together to talk about her, even though their intentions are only good.

    Like Jimmy, I find it hard to believe that Alana's reasoning that Veronica was just jealous is the reason for the rift in their relationship. Clearly a case where we need to hear both sides of the story to know the real truth.

    And lastly, call me crazy, but I kind of see a tiny spark between Jimmy and Alana. At least he'd be a better boyfriend than the one she has now... he's a douche. Haha. As I said, call me crazy, but I just felt something between them... if not romantically, then potentially a good friendship in the making.
    June 27th, 2019 at 07:56am
  • Damsel of Darkness

    Damsel of Darkness (150)

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    “We’re going on an adventure!” Jimmy bellowed and pointed at the group of people on the sidewalk. - I love how excited by the little things in life he gets. It's just adorable.

    I like that Brian can sense her uneasiness about her first shift at work. I think the dynamic between Brian's calming nature and Jimmy's excitement is a good balance for her, especially since she's so nervous. It appears to give her a good balance of distraction and comfort, which should surely help her!

    Evan seems nice. But I'm wary of him. I feel if there's a love triangle forming, I will automatically be siding with Brian... as long as he doesn't do anything to make me mad. Hahaha.

    Argh, okay, I spoke to soon. He's clearly jealous, the way he reacted to her saying she thinks she may have met someone. But raining on her parade is very childish and will not win him any points with her!

    Oh, Alana... your sister may be only 17 and maybe she hasn't been in love before, but she's right; he shouldn't be such a source of heartache if he truly is the right guy for you! And getting all pissy because your sister is trying to be caring and only wants what is best for you is no way to attempt to mend your relationship. Pride is clearly what is in the way right now.

    Looking forward to more!
    June 15th, 2019 at 04:09pm
  • thePHunkmaster

    thePHunkmaster (100)

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    @ Damsel of Darkness

    First of all, thank you so much for your feedback. It's really humbling to know you enjoy it and you're able to see the little tidbits here and there that I try to include for character development. I'm working hard to make sure I maintain a balanced scheduling for updates and keep the story relevant to itself instead of going on a tangent.

    Thank you so so so much <3
    June 13th, 2019 at 02:10am
  • Damsel of Darkness

    Damsel of Darkness (150)

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    Hello! I stumbled across your story and so here I am, settling in to catch up!

    I have a habit of writing my comment as I read, so I hope you don't mind. I will do my best not to ramble, but I make no promises Mr. Green

    She vowed to punch him in the throat whenever she got to meet him. - Hahaha, well that would be a memorable meeting, I'm sure!

    Well Marco clearly seems like a dick. I do wonder what Alana sees in him at this point, but I understand it's early days and so he may yet have some redeeming qualities outside of his carelessness and arrogance. Although I may be wrong.

    Hahaha, I must admit that I do enjoy Veronica's flair for the dramatics. It fits perfectly for a teenager who has just been uprooted and moved across the country all because of her sisters love life. I also can't say I blame her for not being keen on this Jumpstart program... it definitely sounds like forced socialising which rarely ends well.

    If she left school grounds and went home, her parents would scold her until her ancestors could hear it. - Hahaha! I'd avoid that personally and stay at school.

    “What kind of Asian are you?” - Bahahah! Oh my god, Jimmy... just... wow.

    “You’re so tiny! I could fit you in my pocket and call you my imaginary friend.” - Okay, I already love him. And you know what? I feel like he really would have gotten away with saying shit like that and I find it hard to believe anyone would have been offended by him. Smile

    It was in the first row. ‘Great. Let me just go with my Asian stereotype.’ - Bahaha! Oh, you poor thing, girl.

    She wasn’t ready to feel like an observed animal at the zoo whenever she walked out into her neighborhood. - I can't imagine having to deal with something like that. It's a sad society where these kind of feelings are still experienced.

    Meanwhile, she had no idea what her hobbies were. She had always seen herself as a Plain Jane. - Oh, I relate to that so much. I was the exact same back in school. Hell, I'm still like that! Haha

    “People have always judged me since I could remember. They either think I’m insane or loud. I mean, they’re not wrong, but I’m happy with who I am.” - This is a touching thought... but it also made me laugh that he admits he is what people think he is, but he's cool with it. He's already fast becoming a loveable favourite!

    A puppy! Puppies fix everything. I mean, seriously, what can't a puppy fix? Okay, maybe a dog allergy, but seriously, they're so cute wouldn't you just pump yourself full of allergy medicine and let the cute puppy take away all your troubles? Mr. Green

    Oh, it's good to see she's making friends, with Jimmy and with her neighbours. Life is no fun to go through alone; especially at sixteen.

    “Chip! Are you dead?”

    Veronica huffed, breathing heavily after. “Yes, I am. I’m a ghost right now.”

    “No need to be a prissy bitch,” Jo muttered.
    - Bahahaha! Hilarious!

    “Hey, I wanna lick her too!” Jimmy cried and licked her untouched cheek. - Bahaha! Oh god, he is so adorably weird!

    Oh Brian... did your parents never teach you not to comment on a girls weight?! Like, seriously, who does that? Argh. You might be cute, but you're coming off as stupid right now and I can't say I blame Veronica for being offended. Not a good start, man!

    Before Veronica could run for the hills, he hugged her, and raspberry kissed her cheek. - Okay, that was bloody adorable. Lil shit. Hahaha.

    Most other times, Veronica couldn’t wait for the perfect moment to punch him. - Bahaha! I'm sure he offers her plenty of those.

    He's smooth, i'll give him that. Using her dog and his sister to get time with her... I've decided that's what he's doing. I see his game. Cool

    Well damn, Alana was rude! What's it to her what Veronica is doing or who she's doing it with? She's already in Veronica's bad books, she might want to try being a lil less obnoxious.

    Alright, Brian has redeemed himself. The exchange at his house is cute and I like that he straight up points out how crazy it is that her family would uproot everything just because their daughter decided to move to California on whim. I also like that he was a little bit awkward with her emotions, it was very realistic of a teenage boy.

    It's good to get some insight in on Alana. I like that she is aware of the impact things have had on Veronica and actually feels bad for it. I suppose it's not really her fault, since she didn't ask the entire family to move with her. And Marco sounds less than a desirable boyfriend, which must be disappointing for her.

    Naww, looks like Brian is helping mend the broken bond between the sisters without even realising it.

    Veronica raised an eyebrow. “Did you poison it?” - Bahahaha! I think based on the circumstances, Alana should be the one concerned with being potentially poisoned. Hahaha.

    Well I like that Alana is seriously working on making amends with Veronica. It's good to see she is putting her love for her sister above all else. And enlisting Brian and Jimmy's help to get her to come around just shows how much she wants to work it out with her.

    If she was unable to find a job by herself, she might as well put herself in a depression and shave her head. - I so enjoy her dramatic flair, it's so entertaining. Hahaha.

    Jo and Nick are awesome. I love how they're so quick to rush over and give Veronica every bit of help they can to prepare her for her interview. They're good friends Smile

    Hence why she hated Brian and the air he breathed. - I feel I must point out that there's a very thin line between love and hate...

    Evan is interesting. Potential love interest, perhaps? Will I have to choose between backing Brian and Evan? I'm intrigued...

    Oh, she got the job! Awesome!

    She should have known Jimmy somehow snaked his way into her parents’ hearts. - I'm not at all surprised by that... Hahaha

    “You guys act like twins. It kind of makes me jealous.” - haha, they are very much in sync and it's cute. I like that she's bonded so well with Jimmy and can see the bright side of living in California now.

    Veronica looked up at him with plastic straw walrus teeth in her mouth. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. - honestly, he should be more than equipped to deal with her since he's so experienced with Jimmy. Hahaha.

    Hmmm... why has Brian hidden that he's in a band? That is odd. Is it because she's not necessarily into metal, so he worries she won't like it? That's a bit cute if that's the case Mr. Green

    Is it just me, or is it almost like she's bringing a boyfriend to meet her parents as she introduces Jimmy to her family? I know they're not romantically attached, but that's how it feels as she fusses over his attire and worries that they won't like him. Hahaha.

    I love how you've woven in the Vietnamese culture into the story. It's so interesting to learn about and see how Jimmy is interacting with it.

    Phew, the tension and iciness is still very present between the siblings. I just got frostbite reading the scene of her arriving at dinner!

    I love how her mother thought he was her boyfriend. I wonder how they'd feel about Brian if he were to eventually be her boyfriend? Wink

    Naww, Alana reaching out to Jimmy to protect her sister is sweet. I like that she cares so much to reach out to him even though she barely knows him. Her pride is annoying for not wanting his help, but I totally get it. She doesn't want their friendship tainted and probably feels that he couldn't really help anyways.

    It does seem like the tension is born from more than the move. I look forward to learning more about their complicated relationship!

    I'm invested in your story now. I expect to read a new chapter asap! I must know more! Very Happy
    June 12th, 2019 at 02:44pm