Too Bad - Comments

  • lonely girl.

    lonely girl. (250)

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    Mibba Master
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    That is so many creative liberties. You went aaaaall the way with that one. I'm sorry to hear it was inspired by a previous relationship, I'm glad it's in the past though.

    Alright.
    Chapter Five
    Who the fuck swallows toothpaste.
    I'm so glad Marjorie got out of there, good on her. And thank god that last paragraph confirms everything I already thought was true: he doesn't give two shits about her. Such a well written, infuriating (in a very good way) piece!
    April 12th, 2019 at 04:33am
  • strawberrylegs

    strawberrylegs (100)

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    @ fala amo.
    Eeeeee thank you for the comment, dear. I was hoping to have the last chapter posted before you got around to this. Oops. :c

    The prompt I found was more or less, "Someone is proposed to, the other person asks for time to think about it but leaves before giving an answer." Clearly I took some liberties with it, as I was actually really inspired by a relationship I was in previously. :l

    Your feedback means a lot. It's more confirmation that I'm writing them correctly because everyone is perceiving them how I wanted them to be seen *~* So I'm really happy. I haven't written anything with characters in it in literal y e a r s so I was nervous about trying this again.

    And thank you for pointing out the issues with chapter 3. I guess I was in a rush to get that one out heheh. I'll be going back to revise it soon.

    You're the best! <3
    April 12th, 2019 at 01:44am
  • lonely girl.

    lonely girl. (250)

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    Mibba Master
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    Australia
    Oh wow. Love your summary, it's very funny.

    Chapter One
    These characters are both disgusting in how they're treating each other. They seem super unhappy and now I know why your summary is the way it is and it doesn't seem as funny anymore. I hope it gets better for them, and I'd love to know what prompt you had for this!
    Also, the best in show dog line was brutal yet very clever.

    Chapter Two
    They are worse than I thought in the first chapter my god. You write them beautifully. I actually loathe them. It's fantastic. Of course they're high school sweethearts -- their relationship is just a routine they don't know how to get out of. Facepalm And I knew a proposal was coming but holy shit no.

    Chapter Three
    Your dialogue between them is mesmerising. My abusive relationship meter is going off its head right now though. I can't see any way for this to be saved and get better.
    Also, you might want to just have a read through of this chapter as there are a few grammatical errors and sentences that don't seem right. For example, foreword needs to be changed to forward.

    Chapter Four
    AHHHHHHHHH
    I'm waiting for chapter five and strongly agree Marjorie should have locked him out of the house the day they moved in.
    April 11th, 2019 at 05:17pm
  • strawberrylegs

    strawberrylegs (100)

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    @ nearly witches.
    EeEEK I'm just seeing your comment! Thank you SO much for all the feedback.
    I worked on the layout for quite a while trying to make it perfect, so I'm glad it got a reaction Cool

    I'm just really relieved because it sounds like I'm portraying their relationship and the tension between them accurately and I was really worried if people would pick up on it the way I intended. phew~

    And thank you for pointing that out! Going to fix it immediately. You're the best In Love
    March 31st, 2019 at 05:28am
  • nearly witches.

    nearly witches. (15230)

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    Okay so the combination of the picture in the layout and the summary had me giggling a little bit. Not going to lie, I'm excited to read this!

    I like that this kind of starts out more like a realistic interpretation of a relationship. I feel like a lot of people write relationships where everything is perfect to begin with and there's no arguing or even little niggles, but this starts off by showing us another side of the relationship and the characters, which I really enjoy. I feel like you always get a glimpse into people's true character when they argue, so I like that there's the edge to both characters where they seem to be almost taunting one another. It'll definitely make for an interesting conflict later on if that continues..

    It was three in the afternoon and this was the first time she seemed to show any intent of getting out of bed for the day.

    Same, Marjorie, same. And I love the analogy of the best-in-show dog, that's such a clever metaphor! And the sharpness to the tone of them both when they speak to one another is really interesting. I'm curious to see how it pans out with them both having this barely-repressed hatred for one another, but also this clear need to be around one another's company / love. It's a really interesting juxtaposition with the two, and I'm excited to see what one wins out in the end!

    AND THAT CLIFFHANGER AT THE END aw man I don't even know how she's going to react because I'm still getting feelers out for the characters.

    The only error I could spot is as below:
    “No, I have not lost my mind.” He declared - should be “No, I have not lost my mind,” he declared [ch.1]

    I'm really enjoying this so far, and I hope to see more soon!
    March 29th, 2019 at 12:32pm
  • strawberrylegs

    strawberrylegs (100)

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    @ Brittt
    I'm surprised to get even a single comment on this. Thank you SO much.
    March 23rd, 2019 at 04:54am
  • Brittt

    Brittt (100)

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    I am deficiently excited to see how their relationship plays out.
    March 22nd, 2019 at 05:20pm