From Ashes to Embers - Comments

@ heretic.

@ nearly witches.

I'm dreadfully sorry it took me this long to give a response! I'm really glad you both enjoyed my short story though, and thank you so much for your input!

The transition between him wandering and stumbling into her was a difficult part in the story for me to write at the time, honestly. I couldn't quite figure out how to do it, and thus I made it abrupt to get over the writer's block, haha. That said, I've made some modifications to the story just now, and hopefully I've addressed that issue in the edit!

Thank you both once again!

I really like this story. There’s something so beautiful and simplistic about using a mere flame as a metaphor for life and love. I, too, liked the first paragraph, it felt slightly haunting.

I agree with the comment below, the beginning and the end flowed really well but the middle felt slightly disconnected.

I really thought her presence meant that she was a ghost at first, the way you describe her just appearing before him felt really ethereal and otherworldly. I felt sadness when we discover her flame isn’t lit and desperation as he tries so hard to light it for her. Such a great metaphor for love and relationships. There was something so warm and loving about her candle being lit by his without him realising it, just goes to show that if you try too hard, sometimes it doesn’t work out and if you just come together and work together, that’s all that’s needed.

This is really well written, a great display of show not tell. I think I noticed one or two typos but apart from that, perfect grammar.

Great story!

I love the first paragraph of this so much. The imagery of life being like fire is such an interesting (and bleak!) way to think of it, and I think it does a really good job of encapsulating the way in which a human life is brought into being and then snuffed out towards the end. Having that right at the beginning just sets the reader up with this beautiful imagery. I also love that there's this air of mystery when he bumps into her. She's so silent and unmoving, and it just gives this really eerie stance to everything, and then when he realises her candle isn't lit? I had so many questions at this point and it definitely hooked me in.

I think this is a really beautiful metaphor for the way in which someone's light can be rekindled simply through the kindness and determination of others, and the way in which two people can uplift one another from darkness into light, and the way in which darkness shared between groups can be easier to deal with than darkness shared within one's self. It was really well-written, and the imagery was just lovely. The metaphor for life being a flame was carried wonderfully throughout and it really tied everything together really well. I did think at some points that it was a little stilted, mainly between the paragraph where he is stomping his feet and then seeing him - it felt like there was something missing to bridge the two. Aside from that, however, this was fantastically written and I really enjoyed it. Good job!

@ blackwhitetiger
Thank you kindly!

Very nicely written. I think everyone has been in a situation like this at one point.