July 17th, 2021 at 05:08pm
I really like this story. There’s something so beautiful and simplistic about using a mere flame as a metaphor for life and love. I, too, liked the first paragraph, it felt slightly haunting.
I agree with the comment below, the beginning and the end flowed really well but the middle felt slightly disconnected.
I really thought her presence meant that she was a ghost at first, the way you describe her just appearing before him felt really ethereal and otherworldly. I felt sadness when we discover her flame isn’t lit and desperation as he tries so hard to light it for her. Such a great metaphor for love and relationships. There was something so warm and loving about her candle being lit by his without him realising it, just goes to show that if you try too hard, sometimes it doesn’t work out and if you just come together and work together, that’s all that’s needed.
This is really well written, a great display of show not tell. I think I noticed one or two typos but apart from that, perfect grammar.
Great story!
@ nearly witches.
I'm dreadfully sorry it took me this long to give a response! I'm really glad you both enjoyed my short story though, and thank you so much for your input!
The transition between him wandering and stumbling into her was a difficult part in the story for me to write at the time, honestly. I couldn't quite figure out how to do it, and thus I made it abrupt to get over the writer's block, haha. That said, I've made some modifications to the story just now, and hopefully I've addressed that issue in the edit!
Thank you both once again!