September 4th, 2008 at 04:51pm
Firstly, I must say that it's a bit strange to see a story written so beautifully, where the central subject is wishing to be able to write. It's just like, :cheese: you can!
You make a really good use of metaphors, especially with the mirror, which was probably my favourite bit throughout the whole one shot. I also loved the bit about the red petals on a rose as a description of beauty in writing. It's full of breathtaking lines, and I want to quote every last one of them, but if I had to pick my favourite, I would say...
Finished sentences sour in moments, corrode at the slightest touch.
It really caught my attention and created a really striking image in my mind. I was just like "agjajkda! Must quote this!"
:cheese: Your writing is so beautiful, Sharona.
You know, the changes I noticed were the single-line paragraphs in between longer paragraphs. And I really liked those, because they catch your attention, and sort of bring a close to the paragraph before it.
But my favourite part was always the paragraph with the story title, plagues of fragments and all. Because it's so perfect; that actually perfectly desribes what it feels like, and it's just frnofsih amazing that you managed to capture it.
Great job, Sharona. Not receiving mny comments doesn't change the fact that it's good. I've read the (edited) one four times already. :shifty :oops:
You can write. Beautifully. :arms: