Just straight off, the structure, you should have space between the paragraphs and after each of the dialogue - it just makes it easier to read and the layout more appealing
But as for the writing it is solid and very professional sounding. It is well constructed and the plot is original and gripping, you can tell that you really put a lot of effort into it.
The one thing though is that I didn't find the conversations very natural, example at the very start when the parents learn of her wishes I don't think they would be so accepting of the situaution so soon, it just seems to me that if they were completely unaware of her true feelings they would be confused for longer and not so logical about it all and the husband's reaction to them would have been a lot more emotional - he just lost his wife, I'd imagine he'd be much more angry with them, even shocked at their ignorance but he came across as beinig "well,actually..."
But on the whole a fantastic job, keep up and good luck with the publishing!
But as for the writing it is solid and very professional sounding. It is well constructed and the plot is original and gripping, you can tell that you really put a lot of effort into it.
The one thing though is that I didn't find the conversations very natural, example at the very start when the parents learn of her wishes I don't think they would be so accepting of the situaution so soon, it just seems to me that if they were completely unaware of her true feelings they would be confused for longer and not so logical about it all and the husband's reaction to them would have been a lot more emotional - he just lost his wife, I'd imagine he'd be much more angry with them, even shocked at their ignorance but he came across as beinig "well,actually..."
But on the whole a fantastic job, keep up and good luck with the publishing!