Pathetic or Poetic? - Comments

Gorgeous story.

That was too beautiful to comment properly on.
:coffee:

I love your writinggg.

You > Me.

awesome!

Quinn’s sitting uncomfortably on the wooden chair in some dumpy restaurant, surrounded by both his immediate and extended family. Ever since his first birthday, Quinn’s deformed family had around this same table, in this same restaurant every single year, without question. After 21 years, he’s used to it. He’s used to being dragged out here. He’s used to faking the surprise when the waiters all came out to sing Happy Birthday and cause him public humiliation. Oh yes, he’s used to the entire ordeal.
Oh, Quinn. I feel for ya’. I think everyone does. You have a way with openings. You always write them so people can relate to them, and that automatically makes people want to read them.


Truth? He wants to see the sunrise. He wants to wake up early as fuck, sit on the grass, freshly painted with dew, in his Batman pajamas while yawning so much that it isn’t even funny and just wait. Wait until the sun peeks out from behind the gray clouds, igniting the sky so vibrant shades of blue, orange and yellow splatter against the dark, blank canvas we call night.
Batman pajamas. That made me smile. Or maybe that was your flawless description of the sunrise. Eh, who knows?

For some reason, he enjoyed being disconnected from reality. For some reason, he loved dreaming while he was awake, even if most times, they were nightmares.
Having nightmares while you're awake is called reality.
Pathetic or poetic?

If Quinn could sense he didn’t want to do something, he immediately backed down and would stomp off to his room, screaming that they didn’t have to go and do whatever if Bert didn’t want to. Bert would sigh, Quinn would freak. It was a messy ordeal and Bert didn’t want to cause any unnecessary friction on Quinn’s goddamn birthday
ahaha, that sounds familiar x)

In our non-existent, teenage drama movie, the camera focuses in on Quinn, lying on his bed – stiff and still, almost dead.
BE-EA-AA-OOOOOOOOOOOTIFUL.
That could easily be the most fabulous transition I have ever heard in my days (:

“Ghmhmdf,” Bert grumbles into the pillow. It was meant to be “get lost” but with your face smashed into a pillow, all of your sentences are gibberish.
That indeed reminded me of Fight Club. xD

“It’s time,” Quinn says solemnly, as if announcing a tragic death or happening. Nope, just a sunrise.

Personally, Bert would’ve preferred a funeral to a sunrise; he wouldn’t have to wake up until much later, and he could always sleep during the service if he kept his snoring under control. No, his headvoice screamed, do it for Quinn.
I always say shit like this, but that’s a great description of Bert. It tells you that he is the anti-romantic. He hates sunrises. But then again, he is romantic because he will suffer through one for Quinn. That is terribly oxymoronic. But I dunno what oxy means, and moron seems to fit me.
:XD

Quinn presses his cool lips against Bert’s forehead and says, “You’re beautiful just the way you are.”
That is so cliché and corny, yet cute. I will always smile when I read shit like that. Its just one of those lovey-dovey things all humans have programmed into them somewhere deep in their minds.

“I’ve always wanted to see a real sunset, the real deal, up close and personal, y’know? Seeing a picture of it and seeing the actual things are two completely different things. One is Earth, the other Mars.”

“Please,” Bert’s yawning again, longing for a cigarette to shove in Quinn’s mouth so he’ll shut up – the same method mothers use with fussy babies; pop in a pacifier and the baby becomes docile, granting the mother a few brief but perfect minutes of peace. That’s what Bert really wanted, a few minutes of peace. He figures that maybe he’ll ask Quinn for some peace for his birthday, since Quinn gets a sunrise for his. “Stop comparing sunrises to planets. I’m too stupid to comprehend all that shit.”
Haha, that made me laugh x) Again, good description of Bert. Not the most sentimental guy in the whole world.

“Watch it,” Bert tells him, “I will cut off your tongue.”

“Go ahead, you’re the one who will miss out.”

“… damn.”
:tehe:

“I don’t know,” Bert replies, ruffling Quinn’s bleach blond hair, “But it will be here soon, I swear.”

6:00 AM. Light gray streaks splatter against the sky. Quinn’s listless eyes light up again.

“It’s coming!” He screeches, pointing up at the sky. He’s like a 5-year-old and yet again, he makes some part of Bert melt.
I will admit, that made me melt, as well. Cute little Quinn, so desperate. Its enough to make fucking… insertsomethingthatwon’tmelthere, melt.


And then something spectacular happens. Over the horizon, over the vast Utah Mountains, blues, greens and yellows can be seen slicing through what’s left of the night. Quinn’s mouth is crafted in a perfect, round little O shape and his big brown eyes are fixated on the history that is being made right in front of them. Quinn doesn’t move a muscle until the entire sky is ablaze – almost like he was in some type of sunrise-induced trance.

Poetic or pathetic?

poeticpoeticpoetic.

Aw...its over? I kind of wanted there to be more. It was so strangely calming. But I prefer sunsets to sunrises. Sunrises are always just blue over here, not interesting. Sunsets over here in New York is beautiful. I think at least. But I really liked it. I was kind of confused by the whole relationship, but it was cute and adorable. I still kind of wish there was more.

"What are you waiting for?" "I don't know, something amazing!"
^That was just what I heard come from the TV. I thought it worked well with the story.
You wrote it beautifully. I've never read something like that. It was simple, but it held a lot of meaning. Bert would do anything for Quinn, that was just heart-warming. I loved it.

Wow that was really beautifull!!
I loved the repitition, it kind of stopped it from going too far away from the point, if that makes any sense. And it was great how that repitition included the reader by making them think about it.

Now I have the mad desire to watch a sunrise, and luckily here it isn't till about 7:15-7:30

That was amazing, I really loved it!

You had me completely entralled in this story. I felt like I was definite part of it.
Even in the heat of Texas mid-day, it somehow felt like the cool early morning.
Reading your story was an experience I haven't had in ages. I mean, with all the 'feeling a part of it' stuff.

It was great. You should write more of this.

All the best,
Shotgun

It was so sweet.
Just wow, I am totally in love with this. :cheese:

The repatition through out of "poetic or pathetic" really made added something to it, I can't quite put my finger on what but it fitted in perfectly.

Ever since his first birthday, Quinn’s deformed family had around this same table, in this same restaurant every single year, without question. After 21 years, he’s used to it. He’s used to being dragged out here.. He’s used to faking the surprise when the waiters all came out to sing Happy Birthday and cause him public humiliation. Oh yes, he’s used to the entire ordeal.

That made me laugh. :lmfao And it made me feel sorry for Quinn. :tehe:
Family birthday lunches do suck horribly indeed. :XD

“Will you watch the sunrise with me in the morning?” he blurts, unable to keep the burning question inside himself any longer. Bert’s dark eyebrows knit together and his glass eyes cloud over. Quinn can sense that inside of Bert’s head, there are sirens whaling and a voice screaming, “Fuck no!”

I love how he just blurts it out and is already expecting that as Bert's reaction.

If Quinn could sense he didn’t want to do something, he immediately backed down and would stomp off to his room, screaming that they didn’t have to go and do whatever if Bert didn’t want to. Bert would sigh, Quinn would freak. It was a messy ordeal and Bert didn’t want to cause any unnecessary friction on Quinn’s goddamn birthday.

Just the fact that he agrees to it to avoid a fight is so perfect to me, it's so human and makes it less fluffy but more real.

In our non-existent, teenage drama movie, the camera focuses in on Quinn, lying on his bed – stiff and still, almost dead.

There was just something about that part that I loved so much.

He pats his legs and Quinn grins, fitting himself flawlessly into Bert’s lap. Quinn leans his head against Bert’s chest, kissing his chin impulsively before grinning.

That put the sweetest image in my mind.

As they were waiting for the sunset, I couldn't help but feel sorry for Quinn. How he was so excited for it but got discouraged about how long it was taking

Quinn’s mouth is crafted in a perfect, round little O shape and his big brown eyes are fixated on the history that is being made right in front of them.
Made me smile so wide, the whole story did. There such a sweet innocence to it, I can't say how much I love it enough.

Great job sweetheart, I hope you are able write more Used fics. :arms:

I enjoyed it.

thought it was really diffrent and orginal.