A Stranger's Smile - Comments

This piece is... quite brilliant, to be fair. You've managed to portray so many meanings and emotions with the never-failing truths of proverbs. Very inspiring. Well done!

Wow that was the most inspiring thing i have read in years. A perfect story im listening to that song now. Im still in shock i loved it wow..

Eep! This is just me being a stalker and leafing through your stories ! xD
I can't believe I never commented on this one, it's just so amazing ;^;
I'm screwing up my face now so I don't cry xD
You should write more of these <3

Thank you for also entering this one into my compition.

I love your style of writing- as I said in my last story comment to you - you use a lot of emotion in your stories and that I love to bits.

“I sing and play guitar,”

“Are you popular?”

“Well, I’d like to think –”

“Even if you were, there’s no use telling me the name of your band because I won’t be able to place a song to it,” she yawned, cutting across him again. “I don’t own a radio, or a television. Nor do I buy magazines…”

Tom seemed a bit, shocked at the thought of the young girl not knowing his band but he kept that from her until he found out the reason why; that was amazing to put in.

All around, I just love this, the ending made me smile so much. You are an amazing writer (like I've said before.)

This was so gorgeous. The last part had me in almost tears, with all the lyrics...Probably because I love the song so much, so having it in there was like . Especially when you flashed back to Pippa, who happened to see them on the TV in the radio store...It was a perfect round-up. Such a simple ending, and yet it worked and was quite powerful.

To be honest, Pippa reminded me a bit of Luna from HP.

“S’right,” Pippa continued without a hint of wistfulness or gloom. “Since I was twelve, my home has been these streets,"

I heard her saying that like when in OotP Luna was telling Harry about her mum dying when she was nine. Not sad, not happy, just like...telling him, so he'd know. It's really nice because it's not really a norm to find characters like that, so when I do it makes go :cute:.

I really liked this. It flowed nicely and had so much emotion in it; most of it melancholy, but Tom's paragraph right before the first line of lyrics made me smile. I would say more but I really don't know what to say, just that I truly enjoyed it and that you're so talented.

:arms:

I quite liked this, it was sweet and uplifting. I really liked Pippa in this, “A girl like me doesn’t need one,” she said contentedly is my favorite line, hands down. I also liked the ending, I thought it was really cute.
However, there are some things I think you could work on. And I mean this in the best way possible, your story was already really good. (:
I think that your writing style is slightly... I don't know what word to use, but I think you could improve by, uh, "mixing it up" a little. Adding in shorter sentences with your typically long ones, having more narrative throwin in, and more variety in tone to really set your voice.
Your dialog - I loved half of it, and was a bit iffy on the other half. Most of what Pippa said came out whisical, and very much as optimistic and special as she is portrayed to be. Some of it felt a it forced, though. I can't put a finger on where precisely though, so it's not such a big deal.
Overall, I thought it was pretty good. It made me smile and feel all fluffy, and Pippa is definately a memorable character.
:cute:

omg. I absolutely loved this story!
You are so very telented... never give up on this love, you've definitly got talent.
It made me smile, and the most warm feeling overwhelmed me...
Fantastic job hun.
-Clara.

Am I the first commenter?? D=
Oh right, "McFly" aren't emo enough for this lot.
*rolls eyes*

Just to start;
I absolutely adore you, Samantha.
You rock mah world *thrusts*

Tom lazily strolled past the tower and onto the outskirts of the broad market square, taking a long look around.

*falls to the ground*
He is soooooooooooooooooooo fine.
I can't believe I was so close to him in real life.
Lol, I'm totally contradicting my fictional self.
My non-fictional self is totally teenie and my fictional self is a decent person.
I should be taking advice from her x]

Sliver flakes cascaded from the sky and littered themselves in his messy blonde mop, which was a visible beacon against his long dark coat and the black backdrop of the alleyway.

Wow, that's the nicest way I've ever heard anyone describe dandruff.
OH, snow.
:tehe:

He yawned as the snowfall began to let up a little, the clouds melting away to reveal an ebony sky dotted with stars that made the whole scene seem much more beautiful. How romantic, Tom thought to himself, then kicked a lump of compacted snow in disgust. He pulled his scarf tighter round his neck and stopped at the corner of the wide square, which was lined with shops that bordered dark alleyways. The stone beneath his feet was deadly icy and he almost slipped as a sinister wind whipped past him, bearing down on his chilled form from the open sky above. The strings of dim Christmas lights shook in the breeze as they hung vulnerably across the square, nearly brushing the star on the huge festive pine tree that loomed overhead and the top of the war memorial statue that stood bleakly in the middle of the cobbled expanse. Tom gazed up respectfully at the stone monument, far too far away to see the carved names of the men lost in battle. He dug his hands further into his jean pockets and held back a sneeze, when he saw something move at the base of the statue.

Sorry to quote so much of that, but I just loved the way you wrote that paragraph
You’ve got such talent, Sammy.
And I’m not just saying that to make you smile - I really mean it!

He almost recoiled and his heart stopped momentarily as his eyes travelled upwards – a short curtain of damp, dark hair hung over a pale face, looking extremely eerie in the moonlight and reminding him briefly of a character in a horror film he’d seen.

Bless him, the big baby xD
That horror film wouldn’t be The Ring, would it?
Whenever my hair is in my face, people say I look like the girl from The Ring.
Bloody cheek ¬¬

The shoulder length tresses, he supposed, belonged to a teenage girl, quite slight and wrapped in a black fleece.

Quite slight?
I think you’re talking about a different Pippa!
You’ll never guess how much weight I’ve put on since the summer started xD
6 fucking pounds!
It’s all gone straight to my fucking thighs too ¬¬
[/rant]

The blonde was taken aback and the brunette showed signs of fearless curiosity on her face, as if trying to picture his face from somewhere.

“The Blonde” =’]
Sorry, that made me giggle x]

To his mild surprise, the girl didn’t start or show signs of alarm as he drew near her. She simply cupped her pale hands round her nose and mouth, and tried to warm them with her breath.

I wish I would be like that in real life =’]
I would show extreme signs of alarm.
In fact, I would probably pass out.
And he’d have to give me the kiss of life…
I gotta stop, srsly.

“You want to sit down?”

She spoke kindly, as if to a friend, something Tom found quite peculiar but pleasant nonetheless.

Yeah…come sit down…
On my lap…
In my bed…
Wherever


“Is there… any particular reason you’re out here? Are you alright?” Tom asked, even though the girl seemed perfectly at ease, albeit a little cold.

Yes, very cold, actually.
I think I need a bit more body heat.
What about you putting your arms around me to keep me warm?

Her voice suggested maturity beyond her years, surprising Tom.

I really should be taking tips from this chick.
My voice suggests immaturity beyond my years.
That wouldn’t be surprising to Tom xD


“It’s Christmas Eve,” she pointed out, “so why so glum?”

Tom gaped a little at her boldness. “I… I don’t know,”

Sounds about right, actually.
I’d be bold, but not in that way *gigglesnort*

She frowned. “You don’t know why you’re upset?”

“No,” Tom revealed, before pausing,

Yep, definitely a blonde.

A muscle twitched in Tom’s cheek, forcing a slight smile at her words. “Well, ‘Pippa’ doesn’t tell me too much about you, either,”

Pippa’s shoulders jerked once in soft, silent laugher. “Well, you only asked me my name, whereas I asked you who you were,”

Haha, dunno what you’re on about, do ya’?
Smartarse comeback, Tom, but mine beats it any day :file:

“But…” Tom was taken aback. This girl had nothing but a small rucksack and the clothes on her back and yet there seemed to be a permanent smile either on her lips or in her eyes. And what did he have? He had a home, an address; he had money in his bank account; he could rely on friends and family he loved; he had security and felt safe in his life, and he had a career he wouldn’t swap for the world, even during the lows. But all there had been on his face these last few months was a frown or a scowl, resilient and there without reason.

*rolls eyes*
Typical man, that’s what that is.
You need to be smiley like meeeeee (:

“And if you’re going to try, you got to be positive about it, haven’t you? You got to have a smile on your face, or you won’t get anywhere. If you smile, you can turn the world around.”

Awwww, I loved that
As soon as I read it, I knew which song this was about.
Which really made me smile (ironic), because that is my favourite song on the album, I think (:

The song played out and the band walked offstage, the screen cutting to a shot of a television presenter. Pippa was frozen in her position for a moment with shock, daring to believe the person she'd just seen on the screen was real. She turned to the splatter of coloured mess on the floor, and knew immediately who her next painting was going to be of. She smiled.

I change it again.
That was my favourite paragraph.
And guess what – it did make me smile.

Sammy, this was the cutest little one-shot/songfic I’ve ever read.
I don’t care what the rest of Mibba think, I love it enough for everyone else.
Seriously, this is by far my favourite ever one-shot.
And I’ve read a fair few.
This one was just so…lovely!
Like, heart-felt and made me feel all warm inside (:
Just like the song.

I fucking love you xxxxxxxxxxxx