5th Period Massacre - Comments

I was th9inking this would be okay
but it wasn't

IT WAS F***ING AMAZING
I had a knid of creepy giggle thing going the whole time i was reasing this.
I loved it kudos to you:)

One word: fuckingawesome.

This was INCREDIBLE.
Probably because the song 5th period massacre, is so amazing and it speaks to me in ways I cant explain.
But anyway, this one shot rocked.

wooaaa mannn!!!!!
deep stuff!
LOL!
it was amazing!!! :D!!!
you have a really good way of writing! :)
xox

“I’m going to kill you all anyways,” Frank laughed. “It just spices everything up when people are screaming."

I absolutely loved that line, it gave me shivers and everything. This was so well written, I adored it! It scared the hell at out me and stories rarely do that anymore. You are a brilliant writer. (:

xoxo

Only just got round to reading this
Slow... I know...
WOW though, holy shit that was amazing and so well written... amazing...

Holy shit!
This was amazing!
It was just like, wow..
:]]]

Two comments? What the hell? Everyone loves a good sick oneshot.

It would have been odd to see the two boys walking together

First off, I adore the way that you started this, with the whole “would have” thing. Because it would have been weird to see if they were anyone besides for themselves. Because you’re thinking it should be weird that they’re together, but it’s just…not. Which is exactly how a story like this should start.

Pssh, as if any of that made any sense.

“Because, Frank, I’m in a coat and I’m freezing my ass off! So m-maybe you should borrow it,” the skinny boy tried to persuade his friend, his arm already slipping out one of the sleeves.

Ah, you have to love the logistics of best friends. It’s just really cute how Mikey is completely making no sense in trying to get Frank to wear his coat, even when he’s incredibly cold.

The ‘sorry’ was an apology for being Mikey’s only friend, but Mikey didn’t mind, because he thought that Frank was a pretty cool guy.

You have a pretty awesome way of writing everything in such a…nonchalant way. Seriously. I don’t really know how else to describe it, except that when you write, you write with a tone that just says, “Whatever the fuck happens, happens. Big fat deal.” Which is, you know, incredibly cool, because stories that are more laid-back happen to flow much better. You’re good at that, and it works for you.

“Because I killed it.” He didn’t go on about how he killed it, though, with the scissors and the... well, that was exactly why he didn’t go on about it.

Aha. And here is the dramatic pause I was waiting for. When you told me that this was going to be a little freaky, I braced myself for something weird. But here is that certain part in scary stories, when the reader just has to stop, reread the last lines he or she read, and then smile a little nervously, because what the fuck else can you do to make yourself feel better except for grin stupidly at some macabre words?

When Frank got home, he locked himself in his room, and didn’t emerge until morning.

So Frank is starting to sound like that guy. You know the one I’m talking about. The kid that everyone is sort of secretly scared that he’ll bring a gun to school and shoot everyone dead or something. The one who does creepy shit to living things inside of his room and never sleeps and always walks with his hood up, staring at the ground. That guy. The creepy as hell motherfucker. I’m kind of scared of that guy. But when it’s Frank, I kind like it. In that sort of weird, sadistic, kinky torture kind of way, of course.

It was easy to be the kid that hid in old, tattered clothing and sat in the washroom at lunch when his only friend was away.

That line makes my heart hurt in a kind of ‘I’m a little bit ashamed to know exactly what that feels like’ way. It is easy. But then again, it’s one of the hardest things you could possibly do. However, it seems that Frank is pretty good at hiding things, so….

By the way, I’m writing this as I read it, stopping to add comments along the way, so if I end up sounding incredibly stupid because I’m jumping to certain conclusions before I even reach the climax…well, just know that this is why. It’s because I’m letting my thoughts off the train before they even reach their stop.

Or some better metaphor than that.

The only thing that he could feel then was the outline of his dad’s pistol in his pocket, and the growing smile on his face.

Aha. I knew I would end up sounding stupid by typing before the story ended. I could go back and delete all that I said about Frank being a creepy motherfucker with a gun…but that just wouldn’t be honest, now would it? Bear with me, doll.

There was supposed to be a review somewhere in that block of text. Which was basically something along the lines of, “Holy shit, Frank is the spawn of Columbine!” Is it too early to make that joke?

I have to tell you that, although this may not have been your aim, I found it utterly ironic that Frank’s little spazzout happened during health class. Am I the only one who can smile at this? It’s just…it’s too good, it’s funny to me. Student throws a mental during health…well isn’t that nifty? I loved it, whether it was meant to be observed or not. You put a smile on my face, we’ll leave it at that.

Half of the class flinched, prepared to see some terrifying monster instead of Frank, but it was just him. Just the short, loser that hardly any of them paid attention to.

I’m not quite sure, but these might have possibly been the lines that scared me most out of your entire story. When I read them, I flipped. It’s just…you could only think that it would be a monster under that cloth. It would have to be, to be carrying a gun and spilling blood. But I kind of wanted to throw up when it wasn’t a monster, but Frank. And even more so when I realized that at the moment, there was no real difference between those two nouns.

Frank didn’t exactly have a plan for this. The hostage idea was a last-minute one, and even now, he didn’t know what to do with them.

Is it sick that the thing I’m most worried about right now is that Frank will shoot himself? It probably is. Please forgive my head. I actually honestly think that you did a really great job at getting inside of a psycho killer’s head. Not that I’ve ever been there myself (mom’s not keen on vacations), but the way that you wrote it is something that I could picture inside of my head. Especially since I think most of those kids just act on the spot out of anger and rage, and they don’t really think much outside of what happens once they’ve got the door locked. I mean, there are those who plan for weeks in advance. But I think the real thing is just that they want people to hurt and to be scared, and you really wrote fear and indecision well.

“I’m going to kill you all anyways,” Frank laughed. “It just spices everything up when people are screaming.

For some reason, when I read this line, I just thought, “Stephen King would be proud. Or maybe Jack Nicholson.” To me, that’s like getting a hug from Mikey Way. So consider it a compliment of the highest order.

He wanted to keep his best friend, and had tried hiding this secret from him. He loved to watch people die. That wasn’t exactly a quality that someone would want in a friend.

I suppose at this point, I really kind of want to cry because after all of this, this killing and cracking and snapping…Frank is still trying to keep Mikey as a friend. He is weighing his options, as if he’ll still have a best friend just as long as he stops being so damn trigger-happy. That’s just so heartbreaking that he is as messed up in the head as he is.

It took Frank some time to remember that the sling over Mikey’s arm was why he did this.

And after all of this, it’s not even about him. It’s about Mikey. It’s so incredibly wrong to think of Frank as a hero, but…damn, what a sweetheart.

And the last line, Frank being oh-so-lucky thirteen. It’s so tragic when something like that happens. Especially when it was just a slip. I don’t know, I know in my head I would rather him have not lived. He had to die. Monsters always die. But it just sucks that these fucking kids all made him into that monster, and all he wanted to do was protect his best friend. And for all of that, he had to die.

I’m not sure if you could consider this a review. I think at the moment it more resembles a loosely gathered page of a friend’s opinionated bullshit ramblings about what a fine job she thinks you did on your excellent one-shot. But if you want to consider it a review, I’d be more than glad to smile and hope you don’t hate me for taking up so much damn space.

This has got to be the 2nd fanfic I've ever commented.
And that means a lot, ya know?
I don't comment people's fanfics.

But wow, this was AMAZING.
I really loved it.
&How Mikey came in try and stop Frank.

3 words:
This was amazing!

I loved it!

Oh my gosh. This story is incredible! I don't know how to say how happy I am that I read this. Great job.