Leprechauns, Hedgehogs and Semicircles...Have Absolutely Nothing To Do With This Story - Comments

I knew it sounded familiar!
This reminds me so much of Hitchhiker's Guide that it's sort of not real.
And I can tell by your signature that you must know what I'm talking about.
I love it. ♥

First off, I have to tell you that the title is very clever and humorous, which really drew me in. I wanted to know what unique and interesting story you had here. So good job on that.

Your writing is very descriptive, but somewhat blissfully simple. It rivals authors like Roald Dahl, which I think is extremely nice to see, as it reminded me of my childhood. Except a little less appropriate for my childhood, hahaha. It's almost whimsical to read, as if I'm reading a really well-written children's book.

It's cute, and I like everything about it. It also reminded me a bit of the Monty Python movies a bit. I thought it was funny and awesome. So well done. :)

This is brilliant. I can't even comprehend it's awesome to sit down and write out a fitting review.
I can't tell if your writing style reminds me of Douglas Adams or Roald Dahl, so I'll just say both.

Screenplay version? Pure awesomeness!
And wow, Kloom B sounds amazing.
I don't understand how your head can work out that bubble stuff, but oh so funny!

Hooray!
Now we know who the Doppleganger is! :)
At least, I believe we do...

It was marvelous, I loved it.
You're style of writing totally takes me back to the Guide. (I also thought a lot of Shaun of the Dead, too, incidentally)
Can't wait for the next update. I'm subscribing!

nimrod.:

You recced this to me and I'm really glad you did. :shifty
Your writing really reminds me of J.K Rowling... but more in the first book than anything, when it was more... whimsical? I think that's the right word.
And I will now have to restrain myself from using the word 'zarking' in my everyday life now. It rolls off the tongue.

I have fallen in love with this, really. It's witty and I love how everything seems so normal... but there's a storm cloud of something abnormal hanging over them.

I'll be more eloquent in my comment next chapter, I promise. :XD

:cheese:

Thanks for actually reading it. :XD

Zarking is a reference to Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. :tehe:

I should post the next chapter up. :think:

You recced this to me and I'm really glad you did. :shifty
Your writing really reminds me of J.K Rowling... but more in the first book than anything, when it was more... whimsical? I think that's the right word.
And I will now have to restrain myself from using the word 'zarking' in my everyday life now. It rolls off the tongue.

I have fallen in love with this, really. It's witty and I love how everything seems so normal... but there's a storm cloud of something abnormal hanging over them.

I'll be more eloquent in my comment next chapter, I promise. :XD

Awesomeness... Now if that is a short chapter, I want to see what a medium is like!!!

vonny:

Thanks so much Emily. :cute:

If you read the first chapter again....there's a blonde haired boy in that too. Wonder if that has any significance as to who is in Albie's elevator.

And..one of them is a clone. Maybe.

:lmfao omg I suck at sci-fi. I should read more of it.
It takes me a while to pick up on this kind of stuff. :lmfao

I thiiiink I'm getting it now though. But I'm not going to say because I wanna wait and see. ~~

vonny:

He does notice. He just puts it down to Douglas being drunk. :XD Which is why he's all "Oh. No. You're very obviously drunk."

Which I very stupidly didn't pick up on. :think:
It all makes sense now.

vonny:

You will be seeing more of her. ~~ She almost wasn't going to make it into the story. Anneliese convinced me it was okay for him to have a daughter. :XD

Yessss thank you Anneliese!
I think she's adorable, really - Eliot I mean - just because she... sounds cute. :tehe: Just the way she was conceived and everything, she sounds gorgeous, and I do love little kids.

emily.:

Douglas laughed manically, rocking in the armchair he was sitting in.
The thing that gets me is how he doesn't mention how... differently Douglas seems to be acting from every other time he's made an appearance in the story. Like this Douglas seems slightly... manic and insane but normally he seems very good-humoured and relaxed, casual. And maybe it's just that Albert is so overwhelmed by the recent events but it surprised me a bit that he didn't notice. :tehe:

He does notice. He just puts it down to Douglas being drunk. :XD Which is why he's all "Oh. No. You're very obviously drunk."

emily.:

“Don’t answer the phone like that, Albie dear. It’s not polite.”
Albert groaned, “Oh, hi, Mum…”
:tehe: That's exactly how my mum reacts when her mother rings. Actually it's how I react when my mother rings. :think:
Anyway, the whole conversation with his mother was really great, because as well as being realistic-sounding and easy-to-imagine - his mother's voice coming out of one end of the phone and him trying to listen and get rid of her as fast as he could on the other - it was also really well structured in terms of introducing us to Eliot and the circumstances surrounding her birth, as well as the relationship she has with her father. And... I like kids. In stories I mean, in real life they're a pain. :/ But I like kids because they complicate things, and also because they just... make a character more interesting I guess, having a child and having at least some degree of responsibility for it. I just like the way people are often different around their kids and I think having one gives a character a whole new element of... interest. So I hope we see more of Eliot later in the future. :tehe:

You will be seeing more of her. ~~ She almost wasn't going to make it into the story. Anneliese convinced me it was okay for him to have a daughter. :XD

Thanks so much Emily. :cute:

If you read the first chapter again....there's a blonde haired boy in that too. Wonder if that has any significance as to who is in Albie's elevator.

And..one of them is a clone. Maybe.

Are they clones??! It's amazing, I love it when you update! :mrgreen:

Oops take 2. :shifty

:lmfao Triple post.

YES, VONNY!
SORRY IT TOOK FOREVER!

Douglas made his way down the street to the small take away food shop he and Albert ate at every Thursday night after UFO watching.
Okay, so, normally this would be an alright opening line. Except that you left us with a cliffhanger and I'm all "omg who is it?!?!" and then I open and it's not there! And then I read further and I realised that really, this was... just right - to open with 'real' Douglas being somewhere completely different because then it was really fresh in our minds that he clearly... wasn't with Kayla. Stroke of genius, Vonny, really.

Douglas laughed manically, rocking in the armchair he was sitting in.
The thing that gets me is how he doesn't mention how... differently Douglas seems to be acting from every other time he's made an appearance in the story. Like this Douglas seems slightly... manic and insane but normally he seems very good-humoured and relaxed, casual. And maybe it's just that Albert is so overwhelmed by the recent events but it surprised me a bit that he didn't notice. :tehe:

Why were the tables turning onto him all of a sudden?
Aaaaw, I feel so sorry for him He seems like such a good bloke and all these bad things keep happening to him, and you can see that it's going to get worse further into the story. He seems like such a believable character though - a bit nerdy with genuine with a really good heart, and slightly complacent - through the way you write your dialogue and present the parts written in third person. -thumbs up- There's just that sense of compassion that I get with him, I really... connect, and I think that's one of the best things an author can do because it adds so much to the story, if you can imagine what the character would be like to talk to or... what they would feel like.

The boy stared at Albert and chuckled again as the elevator doors opened. The chuckle sounded very familiar, like he’d heard it before just recently.
This creeps me right out. :shock:
I have a feeling I've either missed something important somehow, or that htis is leading somewhere new. :think: It's interesting, because if someone lived in your flat you think you'd see them every day almost, and if anyone new moved in you'd notice. Hmmm. Curious.

“Don’t answer the phone like that, Albie dear. It’s not polite.”
Albert groaned, “Oh, hi, Mum…”
:tehe: That's exactly how my mum reacts when her mother rings. Actually it's how I react when my mother rings. :think:
Anyway, the whole conversation with his mother was really great, because as well as being realistic-sounding and easy-to-imagine - his mother's voice coming out of one end of the phone and him trying to listen and get rid of her as fast as he could on the other - it was also really well structured in terms of introducing us to Eliot and the circumstances surrounding her birth, as well as the relationship she has with her father. And... I like kids. In stories I mean, in real life they're a pain. :/ But I like kids because they complicate things, and also because they just... make a character more interesting I guess, having a child and having at least some degree of responsibility for it. I just like the way people are often different around their kids and I think having one gives a character a whole new element of... interest. So I hope we see more of Eliot later in the future. :tehe:

He received that call around a month later, informing him of an unexpected surprise. Their daughter arrived eight months later; Sam and Albert deciding to name her Eliot.
:tehe: That paragraph was just... win. I don't even know why really, I just really liked the way you worded it. :XD

While waiting he noticed the blonde haired teenager from last night standing in the hallway. He was staring at Albert and smiling, trying to suppress a laugh.
This kid really creeps me out. :shifty He seems... weird, like he's not all there, and there's something sort of sinister about him too, as if there's something about him that will really cause trouble later on. :tehe: I'm intrigued... I wonder why he's standing around Albert's door?

... Well, really Vonny, what can I say? :tehe: Your writing style is so unique and fresh, it's such a pleasure to read - and I know I've said all this before - but I really do love the way you write. It's not just that it's different, though, it's that it's good and unique and I just love it to bits.

It all just fits together so seamlessly, and it's one of those stories where you don't realise some things are important until they reoccur later on, or their significance becomes obvious further down the track, and personally I love it because it just adds a little bit of mystery and really makes you notice things there's no way you'd have noticed the first time round. You also write fairly dryly, without all these soppy lengthy descriptions of things that really have no significance - and I think this again adds to your style because without the dry tone that you have you lose some of the... precious little mannerisms of the characters and of the text itself.

All in all, I loved it.
A lot. :tehe:
I have a feeling I wrote too much again. :/

Oops. :shifty

Ah vonny! Your writing always stirs up something inside of me. :weird

You've heard all of the stuff I've had to say about your chapters (I can't imagine not getting the sneak previews now... imagine if I had to wait for every chapter omgno:) but hey, I may as well say it again. Your writing is lovely and flowing and an absolute pleasure to read. If I had the power to do so, I'd publish this damn story right now.
:hand:

Excellent work, and I hope more people realise what they're missing out on, not reading this thing.

:hug:

I apologise so very much for how late this chapter is. :XD

Since I uploaded chapter 2 I had two assessments due every week for a MONTH at Uni. Then straight after I had three weeks of exams. So, I couldn't really write. Although I DID, just not this chapter. I was writing chapter four instead. Productive of me, I know.

Anyway, it's done now. And it's a long chapter. So I hope you enjoyed it. ~~

I like it :)) specially the UFO bits. Write more :]

This story is fantangly.
It's so .. well written and funny and seems very realistic (realistic in the way you write).

:yah I love it. <3