Leprechauns, Hedgehogs and Semicircles...Have Absolutely Nothing To Do With This Story - Comments

Oo... betrayed.

You never want to come home to your someone with someone else. =P

:lmfao:lmfao
-falls in love with story-

Okay, Vonny, so I've never really read anything of yours before. But I'm really really glad I read the first two chapters of this because it's just so... cool. It's different, it's funny without being forced, it's... light-hearted. You've got this gorgeous individual style and the words really... speak to me. Even in third person they have this sense of... aliveness that makes me smile - almost like there's a narrator. Like even though I obviously am reading it, it seems like there's someone else reading the words to me.

So normally a title/summary doesn't really... mean anything to me. Like I guess they catch my eye initially but after that I forget about them - I tend to click in, read the first two lines or so of the summary, get bored, skim read the rest and then start the story. But yours were really eye-catching and original, and I actually wanted to read them. And they were I guess... exciting, like I still didn't know what was going to happen in the story but I wanted to read it, I wanted to know. I think they got across your own individual style really well in a short space of time, too.

Your writing has this really... Douglas Adams-y feel to it. :tehe: I guess the way you word things is kinda similar to him; the story has a really British sounding tinge to it and the wording's really quaint. The sentences are just really... cute, I guess is the best word. They made me break out into this really weird little smile thing because they're just adorable.

My favourite paragraph was definitely the one about the two of them meeting in primary school. I liked that they had this really strong relationship and that they were so close even after all this time. Plus, I thimk revisting an adult character's childhood can sometimes build a really good relationship between the character and the reader, because suddenly it's like you have this quick glimpse into some important event or thing that happened in their life that shapes it in different ways, like gaining a best friend. And naughty children are just fun to read about. :tehe:

It wasn’t until a few years later they discovered that if they combined forces, they could achieve greater things.
That was definitely my favourite line because... I dunno actually. I just really really liked it, it stood out to me. I like naughty little kids. :XD

Your dialogue is really believable and I'm starting to think this is set in England, yes? They sound really English. :XD I love the way you made them sound like best friends; they spoke comfortably, the dialogue wasn't... awkward. They sounded comfortable and it was all really smooth. :cute:

And then at the end of the first chapter there was that sci-fi-y twist which was really cool. I especially loved how he ate the handkerchief and then turned into Douglas, because the way you wrote it made it feel almost... natural. Like obviously it's not normal for aliens to eat handkerchiefs and turn into people (or copies of people), but the way you wrote it made the alien's actions seem so natural and believable.

Albert cringed. He had been spotted.
:tehe:
I don't know what to think of Laura, she seems so... weird. Just... really different, and you sort of wonder if there's some kind of backstory asociated with her or if she's just one of those... weird people. To be honest, she reminds me a little of Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter, but with brown hair and older. She just seems... weird like that.

And then... you can't help but feel sory for Albert when he goes in to see Kayla. First she screams at him, then accuses him of cheating, then we find out she's possibly been cheating on him; you've gotta feel kind of sorry for the guy. I'm dying to know who 'he' is - I have my suspicions but I think they're all probably wrong.

I love this story because it's so... original, it's cute, it's funny and it's cool. I can't wait for an update. :cheese:

-subscribes-

lolol.
Great story title.
Loooooooved it, von (:

Kso.

Firstly. Appy polly loggies? You're weird. :hand:

So you know how much I love your writing and how I think you're Douglas Adams Rice Jnr., so you prolly don't need me to tell you that again. BUT I WILL ANYWAY. Your writing is awesomesauce and you're obv Douglas Adams Rice Jnr.

The dialogue is perfect, and you just can't pull your eyes away while reading it. It's very capturing.

Your characters all have really individual personalities and I can see that clearly.

KSO ITS SCHOOL HOLIDAYS AND I'M SICK OF ANALYSING STUFF SO JUST TRUST ME, THIS STORY IS VERY GOOD IMO. (y)

I like this :)

It's much more interesting and quirkyy than the swathes of "deeply emotional" stories that appear on here.

I want to read more!

Yay! I saw this on the pimping and reccing thread, and got curious! Didn't disappoint, can't wait for the next chapter!!! :mrgreen:

I just wanted to laugh at the title before I read it. :lmfao

Edit;

I think you should put the second chapter up. :con:

VONNY YOU PRO EVEN THOUGH I'VE READ THIS ALL BEFORE IT'S GOOD READING IT ALL TOGETHER AT ONCE A SECOND TIME. :hand:

You rock.

Everybody who reads this... MAKE SURE YOU COMMENT.