Latte and Toast - Comments

Loved it. I now wish was stuck in a dark lift with Dougie Pointer haha

This is really really really good. =)
I bet Pippa was pleased, being stuck in a lift with Dougie Poynter and all. =P
The first comment says it all, basically. xD

Okay, so I've said I can't con-crit this, because I can't see anything wrong with it, but I'll review it anyway =)

Well to start off, I like how you've made it so that Pippa isn't actually head-over-heels with Dougie in the first place (quite the opposite), and it makes a change from all the stories I see that are about just that, and the inevitable snogging coming along at the end, to the main character's 'surprise'. xD. It makes the plot overall a lot more interesting, and it makes the kiss at the end seem more unexpected (making Pippa's orgasm stronger. LMAO, sorry, this is supposed to be serious =P).

It also leaves the reader to decide the reason behind what happens at the end; whether it was that Pippa actually sub-consciously liked Dougie in the first place, whether she ended up succumbing to his charm, or whether it was just a heat-of-the-moment thing.

My breath jolts and my face flushes with embarrassment as I realise what has just taken place, my thumping heart beating like a traitor as I simultaneously thank and curse the open doors.

That sentence really adds to the sense of mystery, for me, because it's telling you that she was enjoying what happened, while wanting it to end at the same time, because of her confusion.

If there were one thing I would change, it'd probably be that there are a couple of paragraphs in there that I'd halve. It sounds a bit knit-picky, and I love long, descriptive writing, but a couple of them were quite chunky, and it would have flown for me a bit better were they a little shorter. In fact, you wouldn't need to take out any text, just separate them a bit.

Overall, a very enjoyable little one-shot ^_^

Keep writing, lovey =P

xx

I honestly loved this one shot. I think it should have been a series of some sort.

Lovely, darling. So sweet.

This is one of the best stories I've read in a while, it's so adorable.
Keep up the great work :cute:

~ Nora

:weird I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH, SAMANTHA DENT.
Srsly, my cheeks are glowing right now.
You totally just made my week, and ily ily ily ily ily ily ily ily x 69 gazillion.
:con:
Yeah, start counting.

The two blondes

HAHA. Blondie(s).

that had been arguing when I met them are now throwing playful insults at each other in a childish manner – but it makes me smile.

And so it should.
Nothing makes me smile more than a pair of over-grown kids fighting with each other over breakfast.
...or lack of it as the case may be.

From what I’ve grown to expect of them, they’ll be waggling their tongues and blowing raspberries next.

As you do :file:


“So that’s a black coffee, one herbal tea, a glass of sparkling water… and for you?” I sigh

:lmfao who the fuck drinks herbal tea?
I bet it's Harry.
Manly.
Real manly (Y).

finally, looking pointedly at the shortest member of the group as he ends the call he’d been having.

HAHA. short-arse rly.
God, Dougie.
Wear some platforms or something :file:

“Uh… I think I’ll have a latte with extra cream,” the blonde yawns

HA.
Woman's drink

“Oh, and can I get some biscuits or something too? I’m starving. Actually, make that toast - with chocolate spread,”

Get it yourself, you lazy little imp!


“Dude, this isn’t a restaurant!” chuckles his neighbour in a broad Bolton accent.

DANNY!


“That might have been because you refused to get up until ten minutes after we were due to leave…”

:file: Yeah, Dougie.
Don't be so lazy.
I bet he's one of those disgusting people who stays in bed past ten o'clock in the morning.
Revolting.

...

I totally didn't get up at 11 this morning.

“I’ll be right back with your drinks – and I’ll see what I can do about your toast, Mr Poynter…” I reply, turning to walk away.

“Jeez - call me Dougie already!” he calls after me, laughing, but I keep on walking, a pink tinge creeping up to my cheeks.

:tehe: He has got a point.
Mr Poynter?
As if he's mature enough to be called "Mr" anything.

“Morning, Pip,” Rosie greets me from the kettle, stifling a huge yawn.

I love that name.
Rosie, I mean. Not Pip.
Haha.


She grins at me. “Well, what can I say? Chris and I put our day off to good use…”

O rly?
She's one of those who likes to kiss and tell, eh?

“Uh… well, I’ve got to got an meet Hugh Grant in ten minutes and look after him for his channel 2 interview,

HUGH GRANT?!?
:lmfao I totally typoed that as "Hugh Grany" then =']

He's like sex on legs D:
Well...for a posh old guy.
:file:

then while he’s doing that I’m up on the fifth floor with some thrash metal band because Sarah’s off sick.

Yeah, metal bands suck, huh?
*swtiches off Avenged Sevenfold*
IS IT AVENGED SEVENFOLD??
She can have my job if she wants :weird

“Ugh, I still have McFly – for six hours,” I moan, trying to get the latte machine to work.

Oh yeah, I know. You have it so bad, honey.
Wha...wait...MCFLY?!?!
What the mother of crap!?!?
Why are you complaining, you dumbass?!
Fucking hell, some people *shakes head in despair*

“Have we any Nutella?”

“Um – I don’t think so…”

“Oh, his highness will be disappointed,” I mumble,

:lmfao more like her highness.
big girl, he is.

Rosie laughs. “So Dougie’s still the main irritation?”

“You bet he is,” I sigh.

Yeah...what with those puppy dog eyes and adorable giggle.
how he's survived without being hit over the head with a baseball bat for this long, I have no idea.

TALK SOME FUCKING SENSE, WOMAN. *slaps*

“Well personally, I don’t think he’s that bad,” Rosie ponders. “He’s not exactly harsh on the eyes…”

See, now this is a woman who talks sense.
Listen to her, Pippa.
Take a leaf out of her book.
Stupid girl *shakes fist*

hat with her heavily tattooed boyfriend who looks as though he could take multiple members of McFly out with one single punch;

LMAO
hurt their scrawny feelings.
I bet Rosie is secretly you.
and I bet this boyfriend is secretly a member of A7X.
:file: Oh, I'm good.

it seems that I’m the only woman in this building who hasn’t come close to fainting each time the band’s bassist’s shot them a flirty look or checked out their figure as they walked by.

I'm just jealous of everyone else, blates.
He took one look at my fat arse and moved on to the next female :tehe:

the band member I’d been most looking forward to meeting turning out to be a total – for want of a better phrase – man whore.

:lmfao :lmfao :lmfao
Dougie the man whore.
omg =']
Classic.
I fucking love you, Sam.

“Jesus!” He yells in annoyance, as I hear three distinctive laughs echo in the metal box and the elevator doors close.

lmao LONER.
Oh wait, I'm stuck with him -_-'

“Cheeky. I’ll report you for not doing your job properly,”

And I'll slap you in the face, if you're not careful :grr

“Ah, so you do have a humorous side, Miss Jullien,

Blatantly :file:
I'm hilarious once I start burning your arse.
Miss Jullien rly =']

All of a sudden, there is a whining sound from outside and the lift jolts to a complete stop, making the drinks slop over onto my tray. The light in the ceiling buzzes, flickers and goes out, leaving us in total darkness. Oh God… please…

:cheese: Did you know that being trapped in a lift is my worst ever night-mare?
srsly I hate it D:
Claustraphobia and D:


“Well, you’re not exactly a bunch of buttercups around me, are you?” he says as-a-matter-of-factly, before I hear him slurp from his drink.

*rolls up sleeves*
I'll fucking give you a bunch of buttercups, you daft twat.

“I beg to differ. I am yellow, I come from the sky, I’m most certainly hot…” he replies, and I groan inwardly.

-_-'
Honestly, his jokes are worse than Alex's.
LMAO buuuuuuuuuuuuuuurn.
*high-five*

If he doesn’t stop with the bad jokes, this herbal tea will find itself saturated in his prized haircut that Rosie tells me she adores.

='] herbal tea, rly.

“Don’t be daft,” he replies. “It was probably everybody cramming in, before. Tom actually weighs quite a lot, you know…”

:lmfao "Fatboy" =']

“Don’t trip over the tray,”

There is a clatter and the glass of sparkling water falls, spilling all over the wooden tray and I suspect onto the floor.

:lmfao I have no idea why, but that really made me laugh my arse off.
Good one, Dougie.
Real smooth =']

“You’re not claustrophobic, are you?”

No, not at all.
I just love being in a tiny lift, when it's thirty feet from the ground and i have no idea whether I'll get out or not.
Infact, I don't see why people don't do it more often.
-_-' idiot.

I can feel Dougie’s body heat radiating from his skin. I didn’t realise he was that close.

Looks like Dougie's a little claustraphobic now.
wants to snuggle up ::lips:

“Don’t you believe me?” he mutters in barely an undertone, the skin of his arm brushing against mine and raising goose bumps.

“I – I…” I stutter pathetically, unable to do anything as I lean my head back against he wall and sense him follow – before he follows too far and his cold nose touches mine. I make to turn my head away and scramble to my feet but before I can do so, a new taste is added to my lips as another pair brush them softly, making my body freeze.

:cheese:
:crazy: :omfg: ;;P :cute: omgno: ~~ :cheese: :weird :yah

That's pretty much all I have to say to that :file:
Nah, but srsly :tehe:
He kissed me :weird
He fucking kissed me :crazy:

... is he blind?
Oh right, it's dark.
Makes sense *shrugs*

I jump and he moves back, a small grin playing on his lips. My breath jolts and my face flushes with embarrassment as I realise what has just taken place, my thumping heart beating like a traitor as I simultaneously thank and curse the open doors. Dougie gets to his feet and holds out his hand to help me up, and I dazedly walk out of the lift without a glance at him, the drinks tray forgotten on the floor.

*shakes fist*
Fucking people saving us.
Who the fuck do they think they are?
I mean, GOD.
People these days. :grr: :grmml:

Well...that about raps it up from me ;]
but remember, kids...

You can fool all of the people some of the time...

...and some of the people all of the time...

...but you can't fool all of the people...some of the time.

Keep that with you forever, Sam.

Love choooooooooooo :con: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx