I don't know why this hasn't gotten more comments. You have a wonderfully unique way with words and this story has a great sense of mystery to it - you don't describe everything as it's happening and I felt myself wanting more and more information, which is a great technique for a writer to have. I liked the repetition of the bumper sticker slogan too - somehow it added to the tension and the plot greatly with each use.
He switched on his turn signal, going into the middle lane. Speeding up a couple miles, he was able to catch a quick glimpse of the mystery driver. He had a feeling in his gut that she was just scenario A; a girl trying to make herself feel better.
Outer beauty; deep as skin, and just as thin.
Well, he was wrong. Dead wrong.
It was though I was waiting for him to say that without realising it, y'know? You just have a feeling that this girl is going to be beautiful and he is going to notice her and make a connection with her sticker. I love it when a story does that.
All he wanted to do at that moment was speed up until he was one hundred miles away from her broken eyes.
That sentence shocked me. I was really intrigued at this point as to the story behind this girl, and what he saw in her face that made him want to put as much distance between them as possible. You write suspense and hidden information really, really well.
I also love the beginning of chapter two. The descriptions are beatufully graphic and haunting, and as it is the first thing you read in her POV then it kind of hits you hard. Also, the twist at the end was great, the whole bracelet thing - symbolysm and using objects to tell stories is something I don't seem to find enough of and something I crave to read about.
Overall, I think this story is brilliant and I urge you to continue with it. Great job. :]
I don't know why this hasn't gotten more comments. You have a wonderfully unique way with words and this story has a great sense of mystery to it - you don't describe everything as it's happening and I felt myself wanting more and more information, which is a great technique for a writer to have. I liked the repetition of the bumper sticker slogan too - somehow it added to the tension and the plot greatly with each use.
He switched on his turn signal, going into the middle lane. Speeding up a couple miles, he was able to catch a quick glimpse of the mystery driver. He had a feeling in his gut that she was just scenario A; a girl trying to make herself feel better.
Outer beauty; deep as skin, and just as thin.
Well, he was wrong. Dead wrong.
It was though I was waiting for him to say that without realising it, y'know? You just have a feeling that this girl is going to be beautiful and he is going to notice her and make a connection with her sticker. I love it when a story does that.
All he wanted to do at that moment was speed up until he was one hundred miles away from her broken eyes.
That sentence shocked me. I was really intrigued at this point as to the story behind this girl, and what he saw in her face that made him want to put as much distance between them as possible. You write suspense and hidden information really, really well.
I also love the beginning of chapter two. The descriptions are beatufully graphic and haunting, and as it is the first thing you read in her POV then it kind of hits you hard. Also, the twist at the end was great, the whole bracelet thing - symbolysm and using objects to tell stories is something I don't seem to find enough of and something I crave to read about.
Overall, I think this story is brilliant and I urge you to continue with it. Great job. :]