I'm not a fan of slash. Actually, I AVOID slash . . . But this was effing amazing(: Congrats, you so got my attention! :D And I read it all, and loved every word of it. I like how it just ended with Sirius' phrase instead of some creepy description of their snogging . . . wonderful :DD
so wow this is so sweet and it feels like it could make come out of harry potter the way they behaved fits they the way they act in the books one reason why i hate fan fics is that people change the people so they fit with what they want you really should write more of these
I love the teenager-feeling of this piece. Even though it focuses on characters who are witches and wizards, it’s realistic in a way and relatable, just as the later Harry Potter books were as Harry and the rest grew up and faced being teenagers. James is adorable in the first part; the idea of how much he likes Lily is really clear, because he’s usually presented as extremely confident and sure of himself; yet here he appears really focused on what Lily thinks of him, even nervous maybe. It’s sweet. And I love Sirius’s attitude towards the whole thing; the way he winds James up. It suits his character of a jokester and trouble-maker, yet there’s a sense of how deep their relationship is too, because it’s banter and they’re able to make harmless fun of each other. Lupin seemed pretty annoyed. :XD I liked that he referred to Sirius as Black, it made it less personal. And ‘growled’ really suits his werewolf persona, but you’re probably already aware of that. :tehe:
“And she was freaked out, wasn’t she?” Sirius said, motioning from James to the girl. “I would be too, if some creep was watching me.” :lmfao Aw, he’s so supportive of his friend. I love Sirius’s characterization in this; you’ve got it down in my opinion. He’s very witty and kind of sarcastic, yet you can tell he does care about his friends.
Remus appears to be the voice of reason in this scenario. I like it. It matches with his being selected as prefect; whereas James and Sirius are the more, well, maybe reckless would be the appropriate term, Remus seems more cautious, levelheaded and sensible. And here, whilst Sirius isn’t proving much help, Remus offers a plausible means of action, while also showing that even he begins to tire with the other two’s shenanigans sometimes.
And I noticed the use of Sirius’s surname; it’s indicative of when the other two are annoyed with Sirius. It’s almost like a teacher scolding him, given that the teachers at Hogwarts generally refer to students by their surnames. Whereas their nicknames are a lot more personal and only used by them.
He dug his frozen fingers into the warm wool of Sirius’ jacket, clinging to it not only to fix his balance but also out of a small sense of pleasure he gained from it that desperately screamed out in the back of his head.
Sirius laughed and said, “Hell, Moony, I know I’m handsome, but there’s no need to fall over me.”
Sounds to me like some sexual tension? ~~ That first line was very sensual, and I got this feeling of contentment from it, if that makes sense. Sirius is just awesome in this. I love his ability to crack jokes about pretty much anything and it fits with the whole deal that he was handsome when he was younger.
You’ve detailed the inside of The Three Broomsticks nicely. It gives off a very cramped yet cosy feel and the little details of the hovering candles and of the person levitating Firewhiskeys helps to set the scene, and I can imagine it coming out of a Harry Potter book.
I had wondered where Wormtail was while I was reading, even though I didn’t consider it a great loss that he wasn’t with them for obvious reasons. :file: But Sirius’s reaction suggests that Wormtail is frequently messing up; the way he spoke makes it seem that he’s losing patience with him.
Moving on, the dialogue reads naturally, and I particularly noticed this when they were sitting on the bench. I sense sexual tension again. :lmfao It’s almost as if they feel slightly out of place with each other and without James there to act as a kind of mediator. Maybe because it’s a rare occurrence for the two to be together without James?
The fact that Sirius was so casual with his reply to Remus’s question suggests that he must get a lot of attention from girls; he seemed so laid back and the way he said I suppose so and I think maybe hints that it wasn’t all that memorable for him because he’s used to female attention. It fits with the whole rebel image. :XD And on the other end of the spectrum, there’s Lupin, who’s more innocent in the sense that he’s never kissed anyone. It’s cute really.
“Do…do you want mine?” Sirius suggested slowly.
There’s something in this sentence that points to it being more than it’s actually saying. I mean, Sirius has gone from being kinda in-your-face and witty to more cautious. And it appears that the giving of the gloves is also more symbolic than at first sight.
“Oh. You mean when Linda Weinstein threatened to report us for turning the wreath into…erm, whatever that was?” :XD I love this line. And the way that Remus was annoyed at Linda for sitting in between him and Sirius at breakfast does suggest some perhaps more than friendly feelings on Remus’s part. Linda must be pretty oblivious that he doesn’t like her.
The ending was sweet and it wrapped up the piece nicely. It left something to be imagined, rather than detailing the kiss. And I love the entire cute fluffy nature of the piece. It’s sweet, but not too sappy.
GAH. That is so awesome. Amazing!! lol omg that was so spectacular. GAH I want to see what happens next!! XD But it's amazing suspense. GAH! Amazing. Hee heeeee, that was so wicked!!!! Love the writing. So beautiful.
Oh my gosh. This one-shot... it was so sweet. I'm trying not to use generic terms here but it was clever, canon (bar the Sirius/Remus, of course) and overall beautifully written. I love how you gave Remus dimples, and got the line "furry little problem" in there! You ended it just at the right place, too. I mean, I'd have loved to have you describe the kiss, but you really left me hanging on and surprised me when you ended it. Amazing, I loved it. You should write more HP fan fiction. (: