Life As It Is

When Ella awoke the next morning, she hoped that last night was a dream.
That everything that happened didn't actually occur. But, her so called imagination of last night's events went against her and turned out to be the painful reality of getting a major hangover.

She noticed she was absolutely naked under the sheets as she leaned over and held her head and she felt the head rush of a major headache. Ella also felt as if her hair was a bird's nest sitting on her head. She looked to the right of her and noticed Billie Joe wasn't there. Suddenly, she heard the shower run.

Ella shook her head. The event of last night was wrong in every single way. While she tried to wake herself up a bit, she looked over and saw Billie Joe's wallet on her right where the small night stand was. She slowly moved over, clutching the bed sheet with her and took it. When she opened it, she saw a picture of him, Mike, and Tre together looking like complete idiots and she gave a smile, she flipped over and saw him, Adrienne, and their kids together. Like a big happy family. How could she have had sex with him?

She put the wallet back where it was and tried to find her clothes. They were splattered on the floor. Still clutching the bed sheet, she got up and grabbed them and then started putting them on.

By the time Ella was finished getting dressed, the shower turned off. Her heart started racing. How could she face him after last night? Things were about to get awkward.

When the bathroom door opened, a fully clothed Billie Joe with wet hair stepped out. Obviously he had randomly picked a shirt and jeans to put on after he had taken a shower.

The two of them both felt a twinge of awkwardness.

"Umm... hey, you're up," He said, trying to break the awkward mood.

"Hey and yeah," She said as she looked down at the floor, pretending to be engrossed in it.

"About last night—" Billie Joe started.

"It was a complete mistake."

"But didn't you—"

"Please, don't say it." Ella bit her lip.

"Feel something?" He finished off quietly.

There was silence in the room.

"Even if I did, it wouldn't matter."

"Why not?"

"Because, come on. You have a wife and kids. We're not back in the day where this could've meant that we could get back together." She bit her lip as the tears started stinging her eyes.

"El—"

"I'm sorry Billie," She breathed out as she started crying. She quickly opened the door and left.

Billie Joe sat on the bed with his head in his hands. What had he done?

* * *
Ella walked out of the hotel room and took out her cell phone. No, she couldn't open her cell phone and risk having Holly call if she was in Mike's room. She put it back in her pocket and wiped the tears away. She shouldn't have gone to the concert, she knew this would happen.

But she could've stopped him and she hadn't. So she couldn't blame anyone but herself.

As she left the hotel, she still had a headache. She looked at her watch and saw that it was ten o'clock. Ella was an hour late for work. She knew she'd see Holly there and she wasn't up for showing up at the office anyway.

When she arrived home, Ella called in sick to the office.

"Sorry I'm uhh calling a little late but I overslept from last night's concert and I feel really sick," She said to Rebecca.

Rebecca chuckled. "It's ok. Relax and rest El."

"Thanks. Bye."

She hung up the phone and lay down on the bed. In a matter of minutes, she was asleep for some strange reason. Suddenly she heard someone knocking the door.

Hoping it wouldn't be Billie Joe; she got up anyway and answered it.

To her surprise, it was actually Holly.

"Hey, why didn't you show up today?" She said as Ella opened the door.

Something was different about her. She looked cheerful even though she
was worried about her best friend.

"I wasn't up for it," She said as she closed the door behind Holly.

Her best friend looked at her.

"Something happened last night. I can see it in your eyes."

Ella sighed.

"Hol', I really don't wanna talk about it." Her best friend nodded, understanding that she didn't want to talk about it and would leave the matter alone.

"Well, when you want to talk, I'm always here El," She said as she sat down on the kitchen counter.

The thirty-three year old photojournalist was at an emotional state. The last three words her fellow best friend and co-worker said reminded her of Billie Joe. She felt the tears starting to roll down her cheeks as she tried to stop herself.

"Oh, Ella." Holly said softly as she stood up again. She now realized the reason she was upset definitely had to do with Billie Joe. Being the great friend she was, she didn't start up the subject again.

She pulled her into a hug as she stopped crying.

"So umm," Ella said as she wiped her tears away. "What happened with you and Mike?" She attempted a smile.

Holly returned the smile.

"Absolutely awesome. He and I really hit it off." She gave one of those far away smiles and Ella knew that this had developed into more than just a stupid schoolgirl crush.

"And ummm we had sex," She grinned shyly.

"What?" Her best friend shrieked. "You little sly dog."

"Yeah and let me tell you he is—"

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Ella covered her ears playfully, slowly trying to forget as to why she was upset.

* * *
Three weeks later, Ella stood over the toilet bowl in the Alternative Magazine bathroom and cleaned her mouth with toilet paper.

She stepped out of the stall and looked at herself in the mirror. She was feeling sick lately.

"Hey, you okay?" Holly stepped inside the bathroom with yet another worried look on her face. During the last three weeks she stayed on top of her dear friend because of her weird behavior lately.

"Mmm-hmm," She said as she fixed her hair in the mirror.

The last three weeks for her were tough. Billie Joe seemed to stay on her mind. And it was hard to get him off since he was starting to get a lot of media attention from magazines to television.

"It must've been the food last night at that restaurant," She continued looking in the mirror. "It all tasted like shit."

Holly sighed. Last night was not the only night she had found her friend throwing up. And she knew Ella wouldn't have lied to her about why she was sick. But she still was worried.

"El, you've been kind of sick lately though."

Ella turned to face her.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you've been throwing up a lot and you're starting to smell things I can't even smell."

"And I'm late," Ella whispered.

"Late for—"

"My period." She finished off quietly.

"What? Get the fuck out of here."

"I'm serious Holly."

"Then, then... " Holly was in complete shock. She was freaking out a little.

"I'm going to get a pregnancy test right now during my lunch break."

"I'll come with you."

The two thirty-three year old women walked into the local drug store looking for a pregnancy test.

They took four just in case, bought them and then left.

Holly and Ella stood in the empty bathroom, waiting for the first pregnancy test results. They had a timer to tell if the minute was up.

This one minute meant a lot. It could determine whether or not Ella would become a mother.

The timer went off and both of their stomachs did somersaults. Ella's heartbeat quickened, afraid of the results.

Holly picked up the pregnancy box.

"Blue means you're not pregnant and pink means you are," She said softly.

Ella's hands shook as she tried to pick up the pregnancy test. She left it down.

"Fuck it!" She yelled. "I can't do this! I fucking can't." She grasped for breath and the tears rolled down again. After the three weeks, she tried to hide them but now she failed to.

"Ella, its okay." Her friend reassured her. "You know I'm always here for you."

"That's not enough. I know you are Holly, you always are. That's why you're the most awesome fucking friend I've ever heard. But, the day I dreamed to have a goddamn baby, I imagined to actually being with the guy. That we'd at least be in a deep relationship or basically being married."

Holly had her hands on her hips.

"El, how long have you been late for your, you know?"

"Three weeks."

"Three—three weeks?"

"Yes, I didn't stutter, did I?" She snapped.

"What happened three weeks ago?"

Ella sighed. "Okay, well remember the night of the Green Day concert when I told you that Billie and I were going to catch up?" She asked and Holly nodded intently.

"Well, he came to my place and I showed him around. Then he went to the bathroom and I just looked at the newspaper when I discovered Dave the dumbfuck was getting married to Alison—the woman who he always went back to in our on again off again relationship. So I was really down and we were going head off to the bar anyway. So we get the bar and we're just there, talking and stuff and I knew the day before he and his wife were having a fight so he was sort of down too."

Holly continued to nod. Waiting for Ella to continue.

"Okay so, we started drinking and then we got piss-ass drunk and I walked him to his hotel room. The walk over there is really blurry to me now but I knew we were acting like complete idiots. So we get into the elevator and then he kisses me. And then one thing led to another and—"

"You guys had sex?"

"I don't know if this matters but it was three times."

"Holy shit. What happened the next morning?"

Ella sighed. "It was awkward. I told him it was wrong what we did and he asked me if I had felt something—you know like feeling some kind of meaningfulness to it and I said no and told him it wouldn't matter anyway because he has a wife and kids and then I darted out of the room crying." She looked down at the floor.

"Wow." Holly didn't know how to take all of this. "So this is why you've been acting weird lately."

Ella nodded.

"Are you really sure you can't do this? You're going to have to face the fact that you need to know right now, at this exact time if you're going to have a baby or not. It's now or never."

"Yeah, yeah I know. I think I just really needed to get that all out first."

Holly nodded and waited for her friend to do what she had to do.

After taking the last three pregnancy tests, Ella awaited for the minute to come for the fourth and final one she'd have to take.

The timer went off with a cheery "Ding!"

Both of the women's heartbeat quickened again as Ella picked it up.

"What color is it?" Holly said, she was scared than ever for Ella.
Ella looked down on it and saw the color. She sighed.

"I'm pregnant."