Generation

“Can you believe he’s taking his wife to Paris for a second honeymoon? How About me? Does he even care about me?”

“Yes, I most certainly can believe it. You don’t really think you can get anything good out of this relationship you two are having, do you?” Standing outside of the cinema, Gerard tiptoed a bit to get a better view of the crowd around him, trying to find a sign of his boyfriend.

After a long pause on the phone, Gerard sighed and put down his phone to see if he had missed any message from Bob. “Mom, he’s a fifty something, married man with a reputation. He’s not going anywhere near public with you. Stop fantasizing and act like a grown up.”

“Oh, am I being lectured by my own twenty six year old son? I don’t need you to tell me what to do.” On the other side of the phone, Gerard could feel his mother sulking, even visualize her pouting face.

“I don’t know, ma. Maybe it’s time for you to stop dating around and find a hobby or something, join a book club. Keep yourself busy, then you will think less of these things. I promise.”

Gerard could hear Dora’s sigh even through the buzzing noise on the street, which drowned out most of what his mother had been saying on the phone for the past few minutes and made him ask her to repeat almost every sentence. Gerard pursed his lips in an irritated way and glanced around once more.

“Why is it so hard for me to find a man who truly loves me.”

“Ah, how about dad?” Gerard teased in a mocking way, which he regretted almost the second the words came out of him lips.

“Gerard, please. Let’s not talk about him.”

“I’m sorry but I thought we were talking about men who loves you.” Gerard’s mind scream for his lips to shut up about those stupid things, but it just kept coming out. He stumped his foot on the concrete ground beneath him to express his frustration, mostly because his mom won’t hear it.

“I know you and Mikey were hurt.”

The guilt in her voice made Gerard angry of himself. It wasn’t anything hurtful, it was a natural split. With dad always far away, mom grew more and more tired of her days alone at the house and suggested the divorce. He and Mikey are both grown ups, they can understand these things. Even though dad was reluctant at first, he still accepted it out of his love for mom. But Gerard believes he still loves mom, like he always has.

“Don’t feel sorry for any of us, mom. I know the perfect guy you’re probably visualizing right now is hard to find.” Gerard lifted his shoulders and stuck his right hand into his pocket.

“Yeah, right. And yet you have found you’re prefect guy.” Gerard felt his cheeks getting warmer and the smile he’s trying suppress because smiling like a mad man in the night street in down town made him feel stupid.

“Hey, how come Bob gets to spend his night with you and I don’t. All I got here,” Gerard can hear the sound of his mother shifting in the couch and the sound of her fumbling around for something. “Is cheesy movie reruns on HBO and the last issue of Cosmopolitan.”

“Like I said, ma. Find a hobby or join a book club. Oh, I know. Since you’re so crazy about Obama, you might as well join his campaign, knock on our neighbours’ doors and tell them the ten reasons why people should vote for him you told me last Sunday.” An amused smile spread across his face but he immediately bit his lips till it was a straight line but not a hideous smile he thought it was.

“No. It’s all because of that boyfriend of yours. I don’t like your boyfriend, son. He’s hijacking all my days I could have spent with my own son. Break up with Bob tonight, honey. Right now.”

Gerard chuckled a bit and covered his mouth with his hand before he realized it. He looked around to see if anyone had seen him laugh and sighed in relief when he saw no one was looking. Bob told him he was too self-conscious and he had agreed that he would try to control himself. He was in good progress, but the habit always comes back when he was not with Bob.

“Mom, you like him, remember? You told me he’s the best boyfriend I’ve ever had on the first day I brought him home. And you said you would never forgive me if I broke up with him. You don’t remember any of these, do you?”

“No, I hate him. With his dirty black hair and dirty thoughts. He doesn’t have a decent job and he always smells like cigarettes and crack.”

Gerard laughed even harder this time. But this time, he didn’t try to cover any of his expression. He is himself and he should learn to love it. That’s what Bob told him.

“He doesn’t even have black hair, ma. He’s blonde, remember? And the reason why we haven’t seen each other for a whole month is because he was on a business trip, so that means he has a decent job and with modest salary. Also, he most certainly does not smell like cigarette and crack. He keeps saying I’m increasing pollutants in the air every time he sees a cigarette in my hand. So, no, he’s nun of what you just said.”

The smile stayed on Gerard’s face while he waited for a response from his mother. He likes talking to his mother like that. It’s good that way. It’s the way a mother and son should talk when they’re at their age. But then Dora was quiet for so many seconds in a row that Gerard was just beginning to wonder if they had lost the connection when she finally started to speak again, “God, honey. Where did you find such a perfect boyfriend for yourself, huh?”

The smile spread up wider and Gerard said, “We met and we fell in love. That’s all I know.” Dora rolled her eyes.

Gerard waved at Bob when he saw him waiting for the green light across the zebra crossing. Bob waved back and Gerard could see him mouthed ‘sorry’, pointing at his wrist. Gerard shook his head and smiled.

“You know what?” His mother’s voice from phone beside his ear almost made Gerard jump. “You should arrange a date for me and Bob. Maybe he’s a perfect guy for me too.”

Gerard’s jaw dropped and he glanced at his phone as if his mother would then have seen the look in his face. “Are you crazy, ma? No way. He’s perfect, I know. But he’s mine. Hands off.”

He tiptoed to give Bob a peck on the mouth and started handing towards the cinema. “Look, I gotta go, Bob’s here.”

“Oh on, honey. I haven’t finished!”

“Please. I beg you not to spoil my date with Bob. I’ve been looking forward to it since the day he left the airport, please.” At Gerard’s side, Bob hiked his eyebrows almost all the way up to his hairline. Gerard put a finger on his lips and pointed at the phone. Bob nodded.

“Look, I really don’t have much time, but you can call Mikey. No wait, Mikey’s having his hot sex date with Alicia tonight, so, no, you can’t call Mikey.”

“See! Both of you don’t care about me anymore. After all these years of blood and tears. I bet you two can’t even stand to look into my eyes!” Dora faked a loud sob and made a few squeaky sounds that made Gerard cringe.

“Calm down, you’re being melodramatic. Me and Mikey love you, you know that. Anyway, I really gotta go now. See you tomorrow.” Gerard hung up before Dora could protest.

“Who was that?” Bob asked as he handed out their ticket to the man at the cinema for checking.

“My new boyfriend.” Gerard said simply, putting his phone back into his pocket.

“So it’s your mother then, I suppose.” Bob said calmly, like he hadn’t heard what Gerard just said.

Unsatisfied with the response he got from Bob, Gerard asked “Why can’t I ever make you jealous?”

“Because I happen to be not as insecure as you are.” Bob leaned in and pressed a smile of a kiss to Gerard’s mouth.

Gerard stopped abruptly on the way and stared a hole into Bob’s skull. Feeling the burning sensation at the back of his head, Bob turned around with a questioning look.

“I am not insecure.” Gerard hissed with venom at the tip of his tongue.

“Yeah, yeah ,yeah. Whatever makes you feel better about yourself.” Bob put a hand around Gerard to make sure he kept walking, so that they won’t miss too many trailers.

On the way, Bob thought of the times when Gerard thought he was cheating on him whenever he saw him walking down the street with a girl. And how Gerard would keep the thought to himself and be all emo all day until Bob walk up to him and tell him he was being stupid – because he wouldn’t cheat on Gerard. Bob liked women in general. Appreciate their gentleness and grace but he just didn’t quite get the point. Not when he could have someone like Gerard.

***

Gerard pushed the door open with his shoulder and shoved Bob on to the wall, who thoughtfully closed the door with his ankle in process. Gerard pressed a hungry kiss onto Bob chapped lips and crinkled his shirt with his fists. Bob’s kiss was eager at first, but when they broke out, he kept pushing Gerard away and motioning Gerard to turn around. And when Gerard finally did, he yelled ‘Holy shit’ loud enough for their neighbours to hear it and tried to cover Bob up as if it was possible with their difference in size.

“What the hell, ma? How did you get in here!” Gerard straightened his clothes with his hands and Bob fixed his collar behind him.

“Mikey told me where the keys were.” Dora kept her eyes on the television and downed the last of her beer.

“God damn Mikey.” Gerard buried his face into his hand for a moment then ran it through his hair.

“Hi, Dora.” Bob greeted politely behind Gerard.

“Hey, Bob.” Dora stretched and yawn on the couch. “You two can get back to whatever you two were doing a minute ago, don’t mind me.”

“How am I supposed to get back to what I was doing when my mom is sitting right in the middle of my living room! Ma! How could you!”

“I’ll fix you two some drinks.” Bob pressed a kiss on Gerard’s temple and headed towards the kitchen.

“Look, I’m sorry, son. But I’m depressed. He just left me a message saying ‘we shouldn’t be seeing each other anymore’. Can you believe it?” Dora laughed dryly and drew her legs up.

Gerard sighed. “Oh, mother.” He said the words with pity and care. He went to sit beside his mother and she leaned closer onto her son, head on his shoulder. “How could he just dump you like that.” Gerard ruffled her hair and gave her a tight hug.

Bob set down two cups of lemon tea on the coffee table and smiled when Gerard mouthed ‘thank you’. He then went into Gerard’s study room to find something to entertain himself, leaving the mother and son alone. Gerard took a mental note to thank him for everything, but right now, he has to get his mother out of her depressed self, which seems to run in the family.

“I can’t believe I keep falling for men who couldn’t give me a future.” Gerard watched his mother’s face lit by the red glow of a fire scene from the TV. He put a hand around her shoulder and tried to scoot closer.

“Can you do me a favour, son?”

“Yeah, sure. What do you want me to do?”

“Could you please give Bob to me? Honey, he’s perfect.” Dora put a hand on her son’s lap, as if they were negotiating.

Gerard rolled his eyes till his eyeballs ache. “Ma, you have to stop asking me to give Bob to you.”

“What? Why? This is the least you could do as a son to save me from my depression right now.” Gerard looked into her eyes in search for the hint of a joke in them because he knew his mother happened to excel at it.

“Ma, he’s mine. Think of other men you can fell in love with.”

“George Clooney? He seems like a decent man.”

“Something closer to reality.”

“The handsome coach down at the gym?” Gerard’s eyes turned into two straight lines when he heard the answer from his mother.

“Ok, that’s enough. No more men’s health magazines for you.”

“What? I have my own needs, honey.”

“Dad! Ma. Dad!” Gerard sat straight to stare at his mother. “Do you even know dad quit his job because of the business trips even after the divorce? Do you have any idea how much he still loves you after all these times? He has been single since the day you signed the papers but look at you! A different man every month and you come to me and Mikey almost every time they break up with you. You come over here telling me how hard it is to find a guy who loves you, but you know what, ma? Everyone only got one person as their perfect guy. You had him but you blew it. Look at what you’ve done to yourself now. You’re a mess!”

Gerard took a few deep breaths, and when his mind started to clear a bit, he said, “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. It just…” He waved his hands in a dismissive way. “It was stupid. Forget about it.”

There was a long pause between them. Dora stared at her fingers and bit her lip. “You’re probably right.” She looked into her son’s eyes, where she could see her own reflection clearly. “Your father is probably the only man in this world who would want a mess up like me.”

“No, mom. Don’t put it that way.”

“But it is the way it is.”

“Your father was it. I just didn’t have the patience to see it. I saw it when we got married. I saw our future, our sons, our grandsons, our big family.” Dora lifted her hand to caress her son’s face. “But feelings fade, when you don’t see the person enough. That doesn’t mean I don’t love your father enough. It’s just – it just seems natural, to get bored of waiting for your father to come home and spent the little time we had together.”

“I understand. And Mikey do too.” Gerard looped his fingers around his mother’s wrist and brought it down to his own hands.

“The problem is do you want him back?” The question caught Dora by surprise. She never thought it was ever a possibility. After all, it was her who had been cold to her husband and asked for the divorce without a second glance at him.

“Gerard, honey. It was me who asked for the divorce – ”

“Then you should be the one who is going to take the first step of mending this relationship.”

Dora studied her son for a long time, then she shook her head like she could shake off the question. “I don’t know, Gerard.”

“Me and Mikey are having lunch with dad tomorrow. You could come along if you want to. You know? You don’t have to ask him so soon. You can wait for a while, see how things go. But you have to give it a chance.”

“Thank you, son.” Dora said after considering and reconsidering the offer.

“What can I say.” Gerard lifted his shoulders. “You’re my mother.”

They both smiled at each other and Gerard gave his mother a kiss on the cheek and went to find Bob.

When he found Bob in his study room, he was wearing a pair of glasses, reading a book beside the shelf. And when he caught Gerard staring at him, he asked, “What?”

“Nothing.” Gerard smiled and walked closer to Bob. “Just, those are my dad’s glasses.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Bob hurried to take them off but Gerard held his hand in place.

“No, they look nice on you.”

“But do I look nice with them?”

Gerard’s smile spread wider and he put his arms around Bob for a small peck on the lips. “Of course you do.”

“So is your mother ok?” Bob asked when Gerard would stop nuzzling on his neck.

“Yeah, she’s fine. She will be fine, as far as I know.”

“It’s all good, then.”

“Yes, it’s all good.” Gerard sighed comfortably in Bob’s embrace and smiled when he said, “But she will have to stop asking me to give you to her. The thought on its own is disturbing.”

Bob laughed and pressed a kiss onto his pursed lips.

-Fin-