Everything in Transit

It happened over breakfast.

John, who had practically moved in with Kay, had been in the process of devouring one of his much adored poppy seed muffins from the bakery and Kay had been making her essential cup of green tea, whilst anchoring baby Corrine safely to her hip.

Kay and John had a very special kind of relationship, they both cared for each other so much but kept this truth silent and sleeping. John had always wanted more, he was dying to tell her that it was always Kay would had caught his eye the most and who held the most fascination, but Elaine had been the kind of girl that you just did not say no to. Too much had past between them for him to drop that atom bomb of information on Kay, especially at a time like this when she was giving Corrine her all.

For Kay, her affection to John had always been, or so she thought, rather one sided. Being liked was a two way process and Kay had always felt as if she was driving up a lonely one-way road. But she had never gotten over those feelings for him, however any chance for them to grow or for her to voice them, was put on hold when she adopted the maternal role towards Corrine.

Corrine was now six and a half months old and a beautiful baby girl at that. She charmed every one, from John's at first apprehensive, but nonetheless supportive mother, to the landlord whom Elaine had rented the apartment from. She only had to babble and smile at any one and their heart would melt instantaneously. It was easy to see that she already had John's smile, as well as a mop of light brown hair that crowned her tiny head.

It happened on the morning when Death Cab For Cutie's Transatlanticism was playing over the apartment speakers and it was slowly beginning to grate on Kay's nerves. She had every respect for John and she knew how much he loved that song, but it was far too early in the morning to be pulled into that singularly depressing state that was always brought about by Death Cab For Cutie.

"John please spare me the Prozac and change the song," Kay said with a wry smile to him.

John nodded with a small smile and got up from his chair, wiping the muffing crumbs from the corner of his mouth, before moving to the docking station to change the song, however he hadn't quite reached the docking station when a delighted squeak sounded through the kitchen, the noise reverberating around the whole apartment.

"Papa!"

It was tiny Corrine pointing proudly at her 'Papa' who was rooted firmly to the spot, face aghast and motionless.

Corrine had just said her first word.

John's mouth opened and closed repeatedly, a sudden state of shock not allowing any words to come past his lips. Kay was also rooted to the spot and looked at the tiny tot in her arms with wide eyes.

"Did she just say what I think she said?" John asked and in three strides he was at Kay's side. The latter just nodding, also surprised beyond belief.

John put a hand on top of Corrine's head and moved in closer, which immediately coaxed a smile onto the tiny girl's face when she recognised her father.

"Papa!" She said again with a delighted gurgle and held out a starfish hand to try and touch her father's tanned cheek.

John immediately melted and looked up at Kay, who had small tears of joy in her steely blue eyes. But these tears then began streaming down her cheeks when tiny Corrine tussled slightly in Kay's arms and then held out a hand towards her and happily pronounced:

"Mama!"

Corrine was having her afternoon nap when Kennedy, Pat, Jared and Garret came by. John had joyfully attacked them and with whispered excitement, due to Corrine being asleep, he informed them of her very first word.

Naturally all the boys were thrilled, and Kay had to hold Garret off by the edge of his shirt to keep him away from Corrine, as he wanted to wake her and make sure that the next word out her of mouth was 'Garret'.

After initial banter and jokes a more serious note fell upon the band. The main reason why they were all gathered together was to discuss tour. Kay had been unaware of this. She knew that they were talking about it and she could tell how some of them were itching to get back on the road again, however she had always assumed that any tour conversation was completely and utterly hypothetical.

But the sad fact was that it wasn't rough plans.

John took Kay into the kitchen, away from the four eager boys who were very willing to eavesdrop their conversation. John took Kay firmly by the shoulders and looked her square into the face; something he regretted almost instantly, because what he saw in Kay's eyes was panic.

"Kay I told you we would be going on tour again," John started rather feebly.

"I know John, I know but I just didn't think it would be this soon," Kay said with some agitation as she ran a shaking hand through her messy auburn hair.

"We won't be going on tour for another two weeks Kay," John said attempting to reassure her by placing a warm hand on her arm. She felt the warmth even through the fabric of her white long sleeved top, and it unsettled her when she realised how relieved she was by the bodily contact.

"But Corrine... you're her father John," Kay said weakly, confused thoughts chasing each other inside her head, producing a migraine the like which she had never felt before.

John just nodded, very much aware of his responsibility as a father, a support and best friend, although he had always hoped to count 'boy friend' in that equation too.

"I know Kay and I wanted to talk to you about that, but not whilst those four are listening to every word,' John said with a rueful laugh and it was true because the minute that those words fell out of his mouth they heard scuttling in the living room, and the sound of four bodies moving away from the kitchen door was audibly.

"How about dinner tonight? Let me take you out," John said pleading with his eyes, but all the time smiling his crooked but honest smile.

Kay couldn't bring herself to say anything so she just nodded, the relief that showed on John's face caused an elevation of her spirit, but only for a fraction of a second, because after that the feeling of losing someone enveloped her again.

First Elaine and now John.

Everyone who mattered had left or was about to leave; it always turned out that way.