Such a Paradox

There was a line half a mile long when we got there and it was an hour before the doors even opened. I was overwhelmed- we weren't big, the biggest thing we had ever played was Warped Tour the past summer and this was going to be a low-key acoustic set of a few of our new songs. I scanned the kids for anyone I knew or remembered. They all stared back at me, wide eyed and I gave them an awkward little wave. A girl put a hand to her heart and looked at her friend longingly. I couldn’t help but blush- I didn’t understand why I was so special.

Cameron popped up on my left side, knocking her hip into mine, "Such a heart throb, Owens." She laughed, dazzling me with her pretty smile. Pat laughed from behind me, knocking on my head with his fist as we all walked into the club, single file, except for Matt, who seemed to have found someone he recognized.

Surprisingly, no one swarmed him. Apparently, Massachusetts kids had class. Sweet. Matt stood there, talking closely to a girl with short brown hair and big eyes. She smiled and touched his arm, he looked down and smiled. I'd never seen him like this with a girl, but then again, all the girls I'd seen him with were always with him when we were out, drunk. Matt was charismatic when he had alcohol in his system. He grabbed the girls hand and led her in, passing in front of me and Cameron. He looked over his shoulder at me and winked. I cocked my head to the side and he rolled his eyes, mouthing 'I'll explain'.

Jason was sprawled across the small stage in the center of the room, lying across the wires and duct tape, his hair spread out like a grungy halo and his legs spread way too far open. Cameron pulled on his leg hair, "Close your legs up there, whore. Way too much for my virgin eyes to see, bud!" She sent me a sarcastic glance over her shoulder. Virgin my ass. Everyone laughed as Jason pelvic thrusted the air. A girl at the bar laughed, her bright pink hair falling into her grey eyes.

Everyone turned to look at her and she blushed, ducking behind the counter again. "Hey bartender woman!" Jason called, propping himself up on an elbow, crossing his legs. She popped her head up, smiling awkwardly. Jason sauntered over to her as Matt sat down next to the brown haired girl, looking at all of us.

"Guys," he started, "And err, Cami, this is Payton!" He said, motioning to the girl next to him. She smiled at us, showing off straight teeth. I smiled back politely, trying to make sense of her. I knew I'd heard the name before. "Craig, you look so confused." Everyone laughed and looked at me and I became aware that my eyebrows were pulled close in concentration. I was trying to fit the puzzle together. "I've talked about her before, Craig, stop before your face gets stuck like that, man." Everyone laughed at my expense again but I didn’t care, as long as people were laughing and I was still breathing, everything was good. "We had an on and off relationship for a while but ended it because she moved to Los Angeles and we started touring, blah blah blah you guys know this story and its boring...Anyways, she came to surprise me." He looked adoringly at Payton, "I missed you."

She smiled and squeezed his upper arm, "I missed you too, Matty."

How bizarre. I mean, Matt talked about her constantly but I was never sure she existed, no one ever met her. They looked at each other like they were in love and it made me want to gag, my brain was now working too fast and I was flashing back to when I looked at Janelle like that. Someone tapped my arm lightly, Cameron's face came into view, "What's wrong, Craig?" she asked, sweetly. I shook my head, my hair falling in my eyes. I rubbed my neck, the new tattoo there that read 'Sincerity' still hurt a little from when I got it a week ago. I shrugged and smiled at her. She walked over to Jason, who was talking with the barista.

A stage manager came in and told us to get behind the curtain on the stage; kids were going to come in soon. The guys and I all climbed up, taking our spots on stage: I was, regretfully, in the center. With my confidence level, I have no clue why I became a front man of a band. Bad move, Craig. But then again, everyone loves attention, even if it's fucking brutal. Matt was to my left holding an acoustic guitar, Payton off to the side of the stage with Cameron. Jason was to my right next to Pat, they were both holding acoustics and Pat was to the right, with a keyboard. Derrick was sitting on a stool next to me, on Matt's side, holding a tambourine. I laughed at him and he punched my shoulder, half pushing me off the stool.

Around forty minutes elapsed before the curtain came up and we introduced ourselves. We played Teeth The Size Of Piano Keys, a song we played all Warped long and then we went into the newest song I wrote; A Letter To Janelle. My heart broke with every word I sang, half of it straight from the letter, the other half being my commentary. I ended up off my stool, on my knees, my stomach hurting from belting the song out so hard. The crowd erupted in applause, as I whispered, "Such a paradox, isn't she?"

Jason walked over and helped me up. The crowed 'aww-ed' and I smiled at the people in front. I sat back on my stool, "So this is a song that I just wrote today and none of the guys know it." I looked back at Jason, Pat, Matt, Bradley, and Derrick who shot me looks and shrugged, sitting down. "But, yeah, I feel like I should sing it. I hope you like it," I laughed and looked to the side, catching Cameron's eyes. Camera lights flashed from the audience, "It's called If I Cut My Hair, Hawaii Will Sink."

Matt began cracking up from behind me, "Hey! I remember saying that a few nights ago!" He smiled sheepishly at the crowd, "This is what happens when you get drunk, guys. Don’t drink, don’t do drugs! Don't do it!" Everyone erupted in laughter, shooting looks at each other. I smiled and took Matt's guitar. Cameron looked at me questioningly and I smiled at her, raising an eyebrow.

"You keep tugging on my shirt, just to pull me closer one single step at a time. Your skin against mine, I can just feel you wondering- fit to be tied," I sang, and Jason shot me a sly smile and Cameron put a hand to her stomach. I wasn’t sure if she was flattered or disgusted but I kept singing, my hands playing the chords on guitar in impromptu, this song was basically being made up on the spot. "I feel weak thrown in wide open spaces.
We turn ourselves inside out; expose what we're afraid to see. And I know what you're thinking."

I shot Cameron a look again and she smiled at me widely, winking. The song ended and the crowd, as well as my band mates and the two girls on the side, began clapping. I thanked them and gave Matt his guitar back. Jason spoke into the mic, "So, who wants an old song?!" The crowd cheered and we went into a song I wrote when I was fifteen, Lindsay Quit Lollygagging. Everyone sang along and we ended the show. It had to be my favorite I ever played. The curtain closed and the guys dispersed but me and Cameron stayed in the wings. "Nice song, Owens."

I smiled down at her, "Thanks for being my muse, and shit, I don’t know your last name." I realized, feeling lame for the lack of a witty comeback. Cameron laughed her musical laugh, my favorite laugh, and winked at me, leading me towards the club room. "Wells. Cameron Wells." I nodded and smiled at her sarcastically, "Thanks for being my muse, Wells."

We made our way to the bar and she pressed herself closely against me and ran her finger down my torso to my belt buckle seductively and purred, "Anytime."