Such a Paradox

"You know, this is where we met." Cameron said as I handed her a beer. I laughed and shook my head. How could I forget that? She rolled her eyes at me, laughing. I shrugged and glanced at the bathroom, down the hall. She laughed at me this time and shook her head, "Don't go getting any ideas, Owens. I don’t usually have sex with someone I don’t know." She paused at my raised eyebrow, "Okay fine, I don’t usually have sex twice with someone I don’t know."

I raised my beer and clinked it to hers, "Touché!"

I stayed at the bar most of the night, fans coming up and taking photos with me every few minutes. Today was a good day and I truly didn’t mind this, I wasn’t being camera shy and I was talking to everyone. I noticed Jason was now behind the bar counter, talking very closely with the pink haired barista. He was standing against her, her back to the bar, completely ignoring the customer trying to buy a drink.

The guy was waving a five dollar bill next to the barista's face, but she was looking at Jason, who's face was inching closer to hers. "Hey! Pink! I want a fucking drink not a porno! Get me a beer and stop gazing stupidly into Dread-Lock's eyes!" He yelled, causing the girl to jump away from Jason and pull out a beer, telling the customer it was free of charge.

Jason blew out a long stream of air, "Hey, asshole! Don’t be jealous because I've actually touched a girl since high school!" he yelled, getting in the guys face. The guy flipped him off and walked away. Jason huffed, "That’s what I thought, bitch."

I laughed with the fans that were around me, who looked half-horrified and half-entertained. I looked around, finding the rest of the guys. Matt was with Payton in a booth, holding her and talking. Pat was drunk with Bradley, both of them slobbering over each other and rambling onto whoever would listen and Derrick was in the middle of the floor with fans, spinning around. Jason was next to me with his barista. I looked for Cameron and realized I hadn’t seen her for hours. I shuddered at the thought of her being in the bathroom again, having sex with some random guy.

No, no Craig. You and Cameron aren't in a relationship. That wasn’t what you wanted and this is what you get.

I can't believe I have a fucking inner dialogue. I shook my hair out of my eyes, trying to rid myself of the patheticness of talking to myself and looked at my watch. It was around 2 o'clock in the morning and I started to feel very tired. Jason looked at me and asked if we should go home. I nodded and began rounding up the boys, taking Pat and Bradley by the wrist and having them grab Derrick until we found a taxi and met up with the sober side of Jason and his new girl and Payton and Matt. We went home, Jason saying that Cameron texted him saying she was on the bus already.

I went straight to bed when we got to the bus. Cameron was already in her bunk across from me. Matt and Paxton slept in the bunk underneath me, cramped in together. Damn, I could barely fit in there alone because my legs were so long and when I was in there with Cameron, we were constantly on top of each other. Jason and his girl sat on the couch, and by "sat" I mean sat. I fell asleep quickly and didn’t wake up until late that morning.

Everyone was out, except for Jason and the barista- who were sprawled on the couch together, and Cameron who smiled up at me from her open bunk. I mumbled a hello and went into the bathroom, so I could shower and brush my teeth. I walked back out, twenty minutes later, Cameron sitting on the floor, her back against the bunks, with a bandana tied around her upper arm. I stood there, stuck.

I watched her, not knowing what to do, as she went through a long procedure of putting what I guessed to be heroin into the right set up, getting it into the syringe and preparing to put it in her arm. I shuddered, "Cameron, wha- don’t do that!" I said, half heartedly, utterly confused, and shocked. She gave me an annoyed look and shot the needle into her arm, deepening it and pulling it out, blood pooling there. I gagged.

Jason sauntered into the room, surveyed what was happening and his whole person changed. He was someone I'd never seen before. "Cameron! No, fuck. NO! Stop that, right fucking now. Don't fuck- Camz, why did you have to go do this again," he screamed, running towards her. He pushed me out of the way, into the wall. He kneeled at his friends side, her eyes glazed over and her body shaking lightly like how you saw in the movies where the characters were drug addicts.

"Craig! Why the fuck did you just stand there! Fuck! Cameron, look at me." She gave him a sloppy grin, "In the eye! Look at me, Camz." I was shocked and shaking, I didn’t understand what was going on here until Jason shook his head, cupping Cameron's face, "You were doing so well, you came to live with us and you promised me you were done with this bullshit, Cameron!" She looked at him, responding to her name, "I don’t want you to go through this again."

Everything clicked and I knew why Cameron came to live with us, I knew what she had been through that she didn’t want to talk to me about. It made sense. I put my palms on either side of my pounding head and realized I was completely scared and shaking and my throat was tight, my eyes watery. That- that I didn’t understand. I think it was the dramatic effect of it all: Cameron shooting up, Jason rushing in, and their dialogue. It was all something I couldn’t even graze the surface of. I had no clue, really, what Cameron and Jason's relationship was like at all. I didn’t know shit about Cameron. There was a cough from next to me and I looked down, finding pink hair.

She was very short, coming up to my shoulders, and had choppy pink hair to her shoulders. Her eyes were grey and she was the kind of person you wanted to pick up and cuddle with forever, just by looking at her. She gave me a confused smile and coughed, "I'm Juliana," her voice was husky and had a tinge of an accent on it.

I half smiled back and coughed out a laugh, "I'm Craig. Nice to meet you." Needless to say, it was the most awkward introduction situation in the world. Jason and Cameron were now sitting next to each other on her bunk, Cameron had tears streaming down her face and Jason's eyes looked so tired, like the whole world was falling apart. He looked near to tears himself. They were having a heated conversation; there was a lot of yelling and a lot of silence in between.

I looked at Juliana and she looked back at me, returning my perplexed expression. I lead her out to the main compartment and sat down on the couch as she did. I noticed that there were clothing articles scattered and thought twice about how clean the couch really was, so I moved to sitting on the kitchenette counter. She smiled and asked, "Do you know vaht is going on?"

I was right, she did have an accent. I looked at her face, trying to place what country she came from. Definitely European, Scandinavian perhaps? "Vaguely. Where are you from?" I asked her randomly, she smiled at me.

"Russia," She said and I nodded- I was pretty close. "Vell, my mother is from zere, I vas born 'ere." I nodded again, struggling to fully understand her. I smiled as the rest of the boys walked onto the bus, carrying bags of what looked like food from McDonalds. Leave it to Bradley to get breakfast from there.

Brad looked at me, "Did you and Jason swap girls or something?" he looked from me to Juliana and then to the door where Cameron's voice was heard, yelling an obscenity at Jason. "Damn, she likes rough sex, eh?" He chuckled and Payton hit him lightly. Juliana laughed.

"No, zey are arguing in zere. Don't go in, eets a battle zone, you'll get your 'ead blown off." The boys looked at her like they'd never heard an accent before, wide eyed and open mouthed. She laughed and messed her pink hair, "I'm from Russia, eetz not a big deal." The boys laughed nervously and shrugged the awkwardness off, sitting on the (questionably clean) couch and ate their breakfasts.

Jason came storming into the room after thirty minutes, "Craig, you talk to her, she's impossible!"

I stood there, stuttering. What the hell was I supposed to talk about with a girl I've had sex with twice and now was sitting on the floor, stoned, about? How the fuck was I supposed to help the situation?

Damn it all.