Almost Easy

"Come on in Zacky" Hollis said, standing in the doorway before Veronica had the chance to tell me he was here. She noticed a little smile appear on Zacky's face as she opened the door and he walked inside, softly telling her hello before situating himself on the couch. Hollis quickly glanced round, not seeing Brian and closed the door, walking over to the chair and settling herself in.

"So, how have you been?" She asked.

"You know" He said softly. She knew that in that moment how far Zacky had already come, he had answered her right away, soft voice or not. She was so proud of him.

"Well, I only know what I have been seeing. How have you been feeling? I can't tell what you're thinking."

He shrugged, "I haven't really been feeling...anything. And I guess to me I find that just as good as it is bad."

"Why?"

"Because if I'm not feeling anything...that means I can't feel bad."

"But being apathetic isn't good either though. You can't live without feelings Zacky, you know that."

"But I don't want to go back to being sad. I would rather feel nothing at all than go back to being sad all the time." He said, as tears began to well up in his eyes.

"That's why we're trying to find what makes you happy. Once you find what makes you happy we can find that balance and then you won't have to force yourself into apathy."

He didn't say anything.

"Zacky you can't pretend you're never happy. I've seen you and Brian together, playing the wii or watching cartoons and I can tell that you truly enjoy the time you spend with him. I want you to be able to feel like that all the time." Still nothing. "How have you been sleeping lately?"

He shrugged, "No better, no worse. I still am incredibly anxious if I'm alone. I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep alone."

"No, stop right there. You can't talk like that cause that's just bringing you back. You can't set yourself back when we've already come so far. So don't even think like that. You need to tell yourself that you are going to be able to sleep alone."

He nodded.

"Well...I think that talking about your friends has help you a lot in getting to the root of your problem and anxiety. You've told me about Matt and Johnny, is there anyone else you were close with in the service. Anyone who really made an impact on you?"

He nodded again.

"Who?"

"My Sergeant, Sergeant Sullivan."

"All right, why don't you tell me about him."

"He wasn't what you would expect a sergeant to be. He was a string bean, all legs and arms and from the looks of him - no muscles whatsoever. But he was just as strong as anyone else in our troop. He had such a good heart, just talking to him...I had no idea what would have made him go into the service. He was always laughing and joking whenever he could be...but when he went into sergeant mode, no one questioned his authority. He was an amazing leader."

"Sounds like an amazing man."

"He was. He was a family man too. He had a wife and daughter at home that he loved more than anything in the world. He always had a picture of them with him, and his bunk was littered with pictures of them and drawings Leana had sent from Maddie. That man was so in love with his family."

It was at that moment where Hollis hoped that more than anything that Sergeant Sullivan was still alive and with his family.

"You just want to know if he's alive, don't you?" Zacky asked, reading her like a book.

"I can wait til the end, it's your story. Keep going."

"He's still alive." He said with a smile and then seamlessly continued with his story. "There was a small number of us sent on a small recon mission. He was injured once we were over the enemy lines. It wasn't anything too bad, but he lost the use of his left hand. He was given a purple heart and sent home to his family."

"You still seem sad about it. Why?"

"I guess I feel like maybe I should have been the one injured. It was only a foot away from it being me who lost the use of my hand. But instead it was Jimmy...the best soldier I had met over there...and he was robbed of what he loved to do. He had to be discharged."

"But he got to be with his family Zacky. He got to go home to his wife and daughter. He may have lost something...but he was able to return safely to his home and I'm sure that is what is important to him, don't you think so?"

He nodded.

"What I've found in all of these stories is that you feel each time it should have been you who was injured. Is there any reason why you feel that way?"

"It's just...hard to accept that that could happen to them...they were amazing soldiers and even more amazing people...and they didn't deserve it."

"So do you think you deserved it instead?"

"I...guess"

"Why would you think that Zacky? You have people that care about you as well."

"I just have Brian. And I met him in the service. I had no one to go home to. No one would have missed me. Matt, Johnny and Jimmy all had loved ones, people to go home to. And instead of me being injured or dying...I send Jimmy and Johnny both home disabled and Matt was dead..." It was painful to watch Zacky as he began to cry. It was only a short moment before, not unlike the week before, that Hollis sat beside Zacky and put her arms around him.

"Zacky, I know this is terrible, but the more you talk and the more you get out, brings us closer to the source. You're doing great." She whispered to him and he nodded.

"Thank you." He wiped his eyes and Hollis went back to her seat as there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Hollis called.

"Brian"

"Come on in" She called and Brian came in, being sure to close the door behind him.

"How are you feeling Zacky?" He asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

There was a moment of silence before he answered quietly, "...better."

Hollis and Brian both smiled as Zacky got up and the pair was ready to go.

"I'll see you here next week Zacky." She said cheerily, giving him a quick hug.

"And I'll see you tonight?" Brian asked softly.

"Of course."