In This Together

“Thanks for babysitting.” I smile at my brother when I find him in the living room.

“That’s a great way to describe it,” he mutters. “He threw three tantrums while I was here. Cried so hard that I thought he’d pass out.”

I rub my eyes. Unfortunately, Kevin is the best temporary caretaker I can find. “He probably had a stressful day at school. You could try showing some sympathy.”

“I’m too tired after dealing with him for hours. I left for a reason; he’s such a nightmare.”

“Shut the fuck up, alright? He’s your brother too, you’re obligated to love him.”

“And it was easier when I didn’t have to watch him. How do you even do it?”

I collapse back into the couch. “It isn’t easy. Taking care of someone isn’t supposed to be easy. I’m just not a self-centered asshole like you.”

He shrugs. He’s never taken me seriously. “Call me what you want. Did you find a job yet? I’m not watching the brat again.”

“I did, actually. It was hard to find places that would consider me with such a limited schedule. Best Buy gave me a call, though, for the day work. I’ll go in after I drop Nick off, and get out in time to pick him up.”

“You’re going to work yourself to death,” he warns, yawning. “And for hardly anything.”

“It’s just until I find something better.”

“You found a job?” We both look over, where Nick is standing in the doorway. He rubs his sleepy eyes, his curls bouncing as his head shakes. Even after a long day, just the sight of him makes me smile.

“Yeah, I did. Best Buy.”

“Oh. You look good in blue.” I pat my thighs and he crosses the room to sit sideways in my lap.

“Thanks. How was school today?”

“Bad. Miss Kathryn wasn’t there. I had to work with Miss Sarah instead.”

“Sarah?” Kevin looks interested. “She’s the hot one, right?”

“Her soul is ugly,” Nick shoots back, turning his head to gently lay it on my shoulder. “And I told her so. She made me have quiet time for an hour.”

“You’re not supposed to say mean things about people, remember?” His warm breath on my neck feels incredible. I rub his side, pulling him closer against me.

“But it’s true,” he mumbles.

“You can think that, but you can’t say it.”

“Okay, Joe.” We sit quietly for a few minutes, and I can tell he’s fallen asleep. Beautiful Nicholas, asleep in my arms. It’s blissful.

“I told you to be more sympathetic.”

Kevin rolls his eyes. “It doesn’t change anything. He’s a hassle. Seriously, how do you do it?”

I think about how to answer. It’s so obvious to me. How could I ever be away from him? I suppose it isn’t apparent to everyone around me that I need him just as much as he needs me. I’ve been with women- not a lot, but enough- and I’ve never felt anything like how I feel for Nick. My romantic love for him is built up on a foundation of the brotherly love I’ve always felt for him. It’s stronger than it could ever be with a woman, a stranger. It could be seen as wrong, of course, but I don’t see much that’s right. Life hasn’t shown me justice in at least two years, so why play by the rules?

“He’s my brother,” I finally answer. “It’s my job to take care of him as long as he needs it. Unlike you, I can handle some responsibility.”

He brushes off the comment with a wave of his hand. “Yeah, yeah. You’re sending yourself to an early grave, though. Don’t you ever do anything fun?”

“Sure. We play games, and watch TV, and go to the park sometimes. And three weeks ago, we even went to the movies. I have fun.”

He laughs at me. “I mean real fun. Without him.”

“I… No,” I answer honestly.

“I didn’t think so. Here, I’ll make you a deal.” He leans forward towards me, resting his forearms on his knees. “If you decide to go out and finally have some fun, I’ll watch the kid. A date, maybe? If you can find one of those.” His smirk is met by a glare.

“I’ll have you know I was hit on by a very attractive woman named Jody just the other day.”

He raises an eyebrow. “How was her rack?”

Typical. I think back. “I don’t know… a C?”

“Not bad,” he muses. “But I’ve done better. I’ve scored with plenty of D’s.”

“I’ve seen your D’s. Talk about butterface.”

He snorts. “Don’t be jealous because I’m the good-looking one.”

“Are you kidding me? Sorry to have to tell you this, but you were beaten with the ugly stick as a baby.”

He stands. “Fuck you. I’m out of here. Oh, you owe me six bucks.”

“What?”

“For pizza.” He extends his arm towards me, palm facing up.

“What pizza? I left stir-fry ready to go in the fridge, with directions and everything.”

“Yeah, I didn’t feel like cooking. I ordered pizza and Nick ate half. Six bucks.”

“Nick did not eat half a pizza.”

“Cough it up.” He waves his hand expectantly.

I sigh, holding Nick around the waist with one arm so he won’t be jostled while I pull my wallet out of my back pocket. I place a five and a one in his hand.

“Actually, better make it ten. I deserve it, after having to listen to him cry about not getting stir-fry.”

“Get the fuck out of my house,” I growl at him. He laughs, staying quiet so he won’t wake Nick. How surprisingly considerate.

“Gladly. I was serious about that date thing, though. God knows you need one, and deserve one. You deserve to have some love in your life, Joe. Get out there. Take a chance.”

He leaves, and I watch my younger brother sleep in my arms. I don’t want a real date. I just want to see this sweet little boy smile. Feel my lips against his lips. Maybe have our warm, naked bodies tangled together.

I don’t want to violate him. I want to love him; care for him. I want to feel that love in return. And then I want to taste him and see what that gorgeous body really feels like.

I don’t even mind that he’s my brother. I know that should bother me, but it doesn’t. I’m not sure it would bother him either. If he rejects my feelings, I’m almost positive it wouldn’t be due to the family relation. He doesn’t think like most people.

That’s where I’m hesitant. Nick isn’t normal. He isn’t healthy. We don’t know if he’ll ever be able to function on his own. Would it be taking advantage of him, even if he agreed?

Take a chance. The words play over and over in my head. I could test the waters. If it felt wrong, I would know it could never happen. I would try to forget about it. Maybe find a girlfriend.

But if it felt right…

I kiss Nick’s forehead lightly, making up my mind. “Soon, Nicholas. I’ll take my chance.”