Tonight, You're Gonna Break Your One Rule

"Take me shopping?" I ask from my reclined position on the sofa, ankles crossed on the still broken table, as the Joker hums a tune at his desk.

He turns to me, picking his teeth with the point of his switchblade, a habit, I'd discovered, he adopted when deep in thought, and one I found quite attractive, for some reason. I smile and move down in the sofa a little more, as he turns to me fully, and smiles back.

"Shopping? Any chance for a bit of destruction!" He was still delirious, and aching from last night, just like me, and our grins seemed more liquid and manic.

"Great!" I hop up, and dance over to him on feather light feet, "I need more hair dye, makeup, and of course some new clothes!"

"All for you, Precious!" I glitter down at him, stood between his legs as he looks up through that dank hair. He's left his makeup off for now, and I find myself staring in complete awe at him, he was so perfect and beautiful I was starting to wonder if this was all one very long, tormenting dream.

"Makeup on and then we'll go out... Cally." I stopped a little as his soft, melodic voice met my ears. It would take a lot of getting used to, definitely, only my mother had called me Cally, and that was near enough ten years ago. His hand cupped my cheek and I smiled as our lips met briefly, jolting me back to life. I follow him to the bathroom, where we both apply our makeup, letting him do my lipstick as usual. I smile up at him, and stretch for another quick kiss before going to retrieve my coat. I shrug it on, pulling on my ruby gloves and watching as the Joker does the same, taking my hand before leading us out. He leads us through the hall, and I hear the chatter and general commotion of the goons in the kitchen and bedrooms.

"We're going out!" The Joker calls as we slip through the door, and he hisses from the corner of his mouth as I close it behind us, "Lock 'em in Precious." I smile and obey, twisting the lock not unlike a bank vault until it clicks, and feeling the click of my shoes on the steps. I move round to the passenger door of our black sports car, and slide in when the door is unlocked. I smile, unable to keep the expression from my face, and delicately place a hand on my clown's thigh as he starts the ignition.

He hums a soft tune instead of switching on the radio, and I find my eyes closing and my lips smiling at his soft, melodic voice. I needed him so much now, I wondered if I would ever be able to manage without him, if the worst happened. I realised then, as I opened my eyes and watched the gradually more respectable buildings flash past us, that him and I would never be apart, no matter what.

We pull to an abrupt stop in a decent part of town, outside a chemists of sorts, a Boots, and I give my clown one last grin before exiting the car. He grabs my hand as I walk round the other side towards the pavement, and I'm shocked at such a public display of affection. He squeezes my hand tightly before letting it go, and bounding up the small set of stairs to the doors. They bang open and I follow him in, as he turns quickly and presses a finger to his lips – Shhh.

I giggle softly under my breath, and follow him into the shop. We look around, just like normal citizens, but we barely get past the first row of shelves until a dear little old lady notices us and screams at the top of her lungs. The Joker grabs her quickly and shushes her, grinning.

"Shush now, shush, we just wanna do a little shopping!" He cackles before pushing her away, and I grin at every frozen customer, paralysed with fear, as I skip round, a basket now in hand, and shove several things I need into it.

I get to the hair dyes, a whole shelf a few rows in, and giggle to myself as I hear my clown generally terrorising, the patrons far too scared to do anything. I run my knife across each of the boxes, knocking it off the shelf, until I reach the cherry red chemical I needed, and smile, picking it up with my other hand and dropping it into the basket.

My slight heels clicked softly on the tile floor as I browse a few more shelves, and turn the corner to see my clown, switchblade round someone's lips. I grin, wondering what the poor person had done to warrant a maiming, or whether they'd even done anything at all.

He spots me, and turns towards me, wrapping an arm round the person's neck in a headlock, keeping them close. He licks his lips and grins, "Oh Precious! There you are, my death clown! I was just discussing why I use a knife, so much more personal, don’t you think?"

I grin, spinning my knife between my fingers before bringing it to the corner of my scarred mouth, pretending to think and muse over his question. I look at each of the people before throwing my head back in laughter, "Completely, Mister J."

"You done?" He asks, fixing sparkling eyes on mine, and I grin, nodding and gesturing with my basket, "Good," He looks at his catch, and tugs a little more on their neck, "Good." He presses the tip of his knife into the corner of their mouth, until their lips release a whimper. He smiles, satisfied, and pushes them away, following me as I saunter towards the door. I stop, feeling my basket jangle, and look down at it. I spin on my heel and turn back to the terrified cashier, whimpering behind her counter. I place my basket on the counter and smile, "Can I have a bag for this please sweetie?" She gawps at me, opened mouthed, and my temper begins to rise, "What, you want your basket back don’t you?"

She turns for a plastic bag, and I stop her quickly, "No, no, a fabric one please sweetie, save the planet and all that." I grin at the irony of a psychotic clown trying to save the environment, and take the bag off the girl with a smile and a thank you. I promptly upend my basket into the bag, swing it onto my arm and skip over to my Mister J, who's waiting at the door.

"Where now?" I ask as we quickly get into the car before the shoppers or anyone can protest. The Joker starts the engine up quickly and we roar off before he replies.

"Wanna go shopping a little more? I know a nice clothes shop," He smiles, chewing his lips, and I giggle a little.

"A man wanting to go clothes shopping?" I giggle and pick my feet up onto the chair, hugging them close, "Sure thing... Jack, whatever you want."

"Cally." He glances over and smiles at me, his hands tightening on the wheel.

I grin back, "Jack."

"Cally."

"Jack."

"Ca-" He stops, cut off, and slams on the brakes. My head whips to stare forward and I see the bumper of our car millimetres away from the ones in front. Horns immediately start blaring and insulting yells penetrate the air. I hear the Joker growl and his hands white on the steering wheel. I reach over and place a hand on his thigh.

"Shush, calm." I soothe, smiling at him.

He bares his teeth and stares straight ahead, "If they knew who was in this car they wouldn't dare."

The light turns green and immediately the Joker pulls out into the opposite lane, overtaking all the traffic on our side before sliding back into the lane. We drive for a few minutes until the Joker quickly pulls into a parking space in front of a shop, a boutique, called Angelique.

The Joker again leads the way, but instead of going quietly this time, he bangs open the door with a shout of maniacal laughter. A few people scream back in reply, but I quickly follow him through the door and slam it shut.

"Now, I suggest you all get out pronto, so we can do a little shopping..." The Joker looked around with a little giggle, "What, a criminal mastermind needs to shop you know!" He turns to me with a grin and a wink, and I pull open the elegant glass door again, holding it there so each of the terrified shoppers can throw themselves out of the path of danger.

The Joker shoos them along whilst I grin widely at every one, "Have a nice day now, Buh-bye! Get gone now, buh-bye!" The Joker turns, when the shop is empty, to the cashier, who seems torn between running from the shop and regarding the no doubt full till. The Joker curls his lips into a snarl towards her, and she quickly follows her customers, tripping on her too high heels.

I grin as I close the door behind us, and start browsing through all the racks. I pull out a lovely black and red jumper dress and hold it up to myself, smiling at my clown, "Whatcha think?"

He nods, biting his lip, and takes the dress from me, throwing it over his arm. He strides over to the tie rack, humming a tune to the empty air, and promptly pulls all the purple, green and blue ties off their place and over his arm. I spot a shirt, since this place is unisex, a deep, midnight blue one, and I skip over to it, my own lips forming and humming a tune I couldn't recognise. I pick up the shirt and look at it, before glancing up at Mister J, who's, predictably, musing over a purple shirt.

"What about this... Jack?" I hold it up to him and tilt my head from side to side, "A little change of colour?"

He turns us both towards the mirror, and stares at the shirt for a while, before shaking his head softly, "I don’t think so Precious, no, no, it's nice but not me." He leans forward, his free hand cupping my cheek as our lips meet briefly. He smiles and looks once again at the shirt, then me, "Maybe your colour though? To sleep in?"

I shake my head back at him, and place my hand over his, "No way, I wanna sleep in that shirt of yours."

The Joker's smile shines so bright, and he closes his eyes a little, and simply nods. He kisses me once more, before we turn away and continue our shopping, quickly enough so that the Gotham PD don't get here, but not so quickly as we're rushed, because, really, no one should dare rush Gotham's Number One and his Death Clown.

We finish our shopping, and shove our 'purchases' into a few bags, fabric, of course, and stroll from the shop. The Joker shoved the wad of bills he'd liberated from the till into his pants pocket as we head for the car, the waves of patrons still hanging around on the pavement. We grin at them and the Joker hums a tune, acting like everything is completely normal. I slide into my seat and place our bags on the backseat, as the Joker starts the ignition and we pull out into the traffic.

The drive back is quiet but comfortable, and I sigh a contended sigh as I get out of the car and hurry back to the bedroom, along with my clown. I drop my bags next to the table, and settle into the sofa, simply watching as the Joker takes off his coat, and jacket, and loosens his tie. I lean forward to take my coat off, and throw it over the arm of the sofa, my ruby gloves placed on top.

"What's the plan for tonight Jack?" I ask, shifting so I'm comfortable and watching him as he tips all of our new clothes out onto the floor, and sits next to them, ripping out all the labels.

He looks up, and I see disapproval across his face, "Joker makeup. Jack, no makeup."

I bow my head in consent and close my eyes briefly, "Mister J,"

I stay there, quiet and still, until my clown speaks again, in a much more lively tone, "And we're going out, clubbing as such," He pauses to grin and lick his lips, "Meet with a certain Italian mobster about some important package..."

I grin, "Ooh, an outing! And bothering Maroni too? Nice." I sit forward and rest my elbows on my knees, "What shall we do to pass the time then?"

The Joker licks his lips and throws the last item of clothing onto the pile he's 'customised' and swiftly stands, brushing off his trousers as he does. He takes three, beautiful, perfectly lopsided steps and sits next to me, pulling me close, "If I kiss you, I don’t think I'll be able to stop,"

I look up at him and release a kiss against his jaw line, "Would that be so bad?"

He smiles down at me, and leans to kiss my cheek, before quickly veering to my lips, and leaving a lasting, longing kiss on my ruby smile.

He grins a little more, and his eyes flicker round the room, lit up with an idea, "I know," He swiftly rises from the sofa and to his desk, where he rummages in a drawer until he finds a pack of cards, "Cards!"

I grin and shift so I'm sat crossed legged at one end of the sofa and watched as the Joker settled the other side, and held out the cards, shuffling them quicker than my eyes could follow.

"Blackjack, right? 21?" He asks, and I nod, watching him deal us two cards each. I smile as I pick up two picture cards, and know I'm hopefully on a winner.

Two hours later, I have thoroughly kicked the Joker's ass at every card game imaginable, either by luck or skill, and I watch with a smile as he throws his hand down, his mouth down-turned in a tantrum.

"Aw," I talk to him like a child, and lean forward, pouting a little, "Is Jokie all sad cause I kicked his ass?" I laugh as he turns away and folds his arms across his head, in a tantrum but not angry. I crawl forward and sort of kneel in his lap, my hands cupping his chalk white cheeks to turn his face back to me, "Don’t be sad."

I giggle and rest my forehead against his, and his fake tantrum breaks, and he too laughs, leaning forward and connecting our lips.

I laugh into our kiss as does he, and I wrap my arms round him, my hand at the back of his neck, wedging in dank, dark green. I fall backwards and my clown falls on top of me, shifting so we're comfortable, his hands wrapping round my ribcage. I kiss him like it’s the last thing in the world I'll ever do, and hope his statement was true.

We break apart for oxygen a while later, and the Joker rests his forehead against mine, breathing heavily, "If we don’t stop now I never will," He gasps and rolls off me, still holding me close so we don't fall off. He reaches into his waistcoat with his free hand, and pulls out a pocket watch, checking the time.

He sighs, "We better get ready Cally."

I sigh too, and rest my head on his chest, "Call me that again Jack."

"Cally-Rose Evans." He presses a kiss to the top of my head, "You mean the world to me."

As long as it takes us to move, we get ready, the Joker in his usual get up, and me in something a little dressier, it was a club after all. I look at my red and black skirt, kind of short, bare legs, and black shoes, and a kind of low cut black top with lace detail round the neckline. I leave my makeup in its dilapidated state, and run my hand through my hair, messing it up a little. I pick up my leather coat and shrug it back on, along with my gloves, and wait for the Joker to emerge from the bathroom. He kisses me after taking a long, wanting glance over my outfit, and I smile.

"You look gorgeous Cally." He says, before taking my hand and leading us out, our guns and knives securely in sleeves and pockets. He yells to the goons we're going out to do the plan, and I much prefer going out without them, since every single one of them wanted me dead.

We climb into the car again and the Joker pulls out onto the highway, taking the route to the darker end of town, and we park a few metres away from a nightclub called Zambinos.

It's dark inside, with flashing neon lights and pounding dance music. The Joker wraps his arm round my shoulders and whispers in my ear, "Keep a distance behind, stay in the shadows and get behind Maroni, don’t let him know you're there."

I nod, and lean up, no one has noticed us yet, far too drunk or high in the dark to realise it's us, and I kiss him briefly before waiting at the foot of the stairs. I wait until the Joker is halfway up the stairs, then, quickly and silently, follow him up. I keep my head bowed and as soon as I can I veer to the side, to the darkest shadows, and move to behind Maroni a few feet away, my gun clenched in my hand.

I can just hear the Joker if he speaks, and see him clearly as he raises his head, "Good evening, Maroni."

The man in front of me simply bows his head in acknowledgement for a second, and the Joker shifts so I know he can reach his gun easily, "Let's be quick. Where's the consignment of ammonium nitrate you promised me?"

Maroni looks up with a stony glare and I get the urge to ring his neck, "What makes you think I would tell you at all?"

The Joker exhales softly and grimaces, shifting from one foot to the other, "Oh, it doesn't matter to me, I'll get it whether you tell me or not, it just affects whether you get killed or not."

Maroni waves his right hand, previously resting lazily over the arm of his chair, and in an instant, Maroni's men have every weapon in the room pointing squarely at my clown. My blood boils, and even if the Joker didn't catch my eye just then, I would've known exactly what to do. My knuckles are white round my gun as I press it to the mobsters temple.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you Maroni," I look around at the men then dig the barrel of my gun into his skin further, "Tell them to drop their weapons."

"Do it," The mobster chokes out, and I move my gun a little away from his head as the goons drop their weapons to the black tile floor. The Joker instantly moves forward and has his knife pointing straight at Maroni's neck.

"Now," He growls, "Where's my explosive?"

Maroni chokes out a direction in his low drawl, and the Joker nods, satisfied. He turns and walks away, and I go to follow him. Maroni grabs my wrist and pulls me down close to him, his eyes travelled up and down my body in a way that makes me feel physically sick.

"You're a good looking girl you know," he drawls, "You could work for me easy, we could sort something out, you don't need that freak."

I stand back up and wrench my hand from his grip, "No, Maroni. I'd rather die."

I take my clown's hand as we stalk down the stairs to go get our nice, explosive chemicals.

-x-

The stars seemed so bright through the windscreen as we drive back from the warehouse where we'd retrieved our prize from, though the Joker had stayed stony silent. He had torn his hand away from mine when I'd held it, and he hadn't said a word.

As we pull up outside the hideout I notice a fire escape climbing up the side of the building, and get the urge to sit on the roof for a while and watch the sky. As we climb from the car I ask my clown quietly whether we could sit up there for a while.

He doesn't reply, and simply turns away, heading for the stairwell to our secret world. I sigh and chew my lips, before deciding to do what I wanted. I climb up the fire escape, my feet occasionally slipping, my legs grazing on raw metal. It was a tall building and I was exhausted when I reached the top, nearly falling over. I stagger to the opposite side of the roof and sit with my legs curled to one side beneath me, tilting my head back and watching the stars.

I sit there for the longest time, hours maybe, until the cold has seeped right through my bones, and I'm beyond shivering. I think I'm crying, but my tears are so slow and soft I can't tell, and I wonder what I've done wrong.

I hear the soft clicking of shoes on metal and hang my head, wondering what would happen.

"I was jealous," His feet crunch on the gravel beneath them, and exhale, wondering what he means. He stands next to me, and stares out into the sky, looking extremely uncomfortable, "How dare he treat you like that?"

I soon realise he's talking about Maroni, and I look up at him, wishing he'd look at down at me, "I'd never leave you Jack."

He exhales harshly and sits down next to me, hugging his knees to his chest and crossing his ankles, "You're mine, Cally-Rose. I love you, you're mine. He'll regret ever setting eyes on you."

I shuffle closer and lean against him. He takes a moment before wrapping an arm round me. I smile, and kiss the skin just above his shirt collar, the only place I can comfortably reach, and lean there, "You're mine too Jack. I love you."

We both exhale softly, contended, happy sighs, and turn to watch the stars. A shooting star streaks past us, after a while of silence, and I feel the Joker's lips in my hair for a second.

"Make a wish?" He asks softly.

I grin to myself and hold him tighter, "I have everything I want."